my hair still smells of bars and cigarettes
i throw the filters on the floor
it's the smoke that stings my throat
not my screams that make it sore
our electronic melodies
come often more than not
the freezer reeks of beam and coke
and the ice that you had bought
i cleaned up the old mattress
so i would'nt see the stains
so you would'nt find your way back
here into my thoughts again
the smudges on the mirror are gone
i wiped off all the gel
it harbored little secrets
that my roots would never tell
the baking soda made me laugh
i remember how you gagged
my smile felt like broken glass
inside a ziplock bag
my phone has no long distance
for that nightly urge to call
building walls with tears and sticks
hoping you won't make them fall
i never ate and always slept
had meth for a best friend
then turned on the computer
to find you there again
so, i lit up an old ciggarette
and dressed myself in glue
desperate to catch the helplessness
that emitted off of you
we started speaking patiently
you wanted to check in
on the batch of emptiness
you dumped in me again
i told you everything was fine
we both had perfect health
my hips still hug my favorite pants
thanks to that studded belt
you somehow seem to forget dates
anniversaries and such
and you say you're still a part of me
but that's not saying much
i collected your apologies
and kept them in a box
made by broken promises
with a key that never locked
i heard that you might love me
and your feelings never stopped
that anger stoked the words you spoke
you're sorry, you forgot
you say sometimes you think of me
and the funny way i spoke
you make love to my pictures
and the love letters i wrote
you know there's been another boy
who likes to watch me sleep
who captures everything i feel
and holds me when i weep
he writes me dorky cheesestick songs
he says i'm just what he needs
he'd rub my soreback every night
just to wake up next to me
he lets me think my thoughts of you
sometimes he lets me cry
he helps me deal with my regrets
and never asks me why
he does'nt sing me johnny cash
or headbutt me at all
he doesnt like to pull my hair
he never calls me doll
he does'nt take my breath away
he has never sent me things
but he tries to fix whats broken
knowing all the hell it brings
i've told you what he is to me
that made your feelings hurt
but he's into my interior
not what's underneath my skirt
you let me hear you cry that day
it hurt so i let you be
you said within a year from now
you'd come chasing after me
you did'nt know the time or place
so you would'nt let me know
you said your lips still smelled like me
and you could'nt let that go
you say that you cannot be with me
but you like to play pretend
sometimes you want me on top
to fill me up again
you don't want things to get fucked up
your'e cautious and stay calm
the risk of your significance
lingers inbetween my palms
you know i can no longer love you
you've forced me to be numb
yet, your'e the only one i call upon
everytime i want to cum
you let me hear your laughter
sometimes you listen when i cry
then we argue about problems
but we're kinda giving it a try
you said sometimes you hurt too much
though i never thought enough
you swore that you were second best
so you quit and i gave up
so now we're in the shadows
kind of missing "you" and "me"
and we're trying to hold onto
any sense of normalcy
i guess we have ourselves to blame
--all a person has is time
we never could spend ours that well
but i was yours and you were mine
so let's go back a chapter
to the beginning of our book
and fill in the empty spaces
with chances we never took
let's redo all the phone calls
and all the talk of other men
there were never any other broads
that bathed inside your skin
i'll always understand you
if you never make me cry
and i'll never ask you questions
if you'll always tell me why
i'll masturbate your ego
if you hold me when i'm done
i've let you have the best of me
you're it, my only number one
let's try not to exhaust ourselves
grab the remote, press rewind
& well make a stop at happiness
yeah, the perfect-pretty kind....
