The Great Unwashed
The hotel closes for breakfast at 11 in the morn
So they wait until 10:30 before it dawns
That the free food might be taken away
And the hotel closes up it's 'Eat All You Can' buffet.
So down they all come, in one big mass
And start to get upset when the waiter pass,
The groups of four to the singleton,
Coz all he's got left are tables for one
The groups cry out and whinge and whine,
"We've slept here and demand that we dine!
We've been out all night on the town here in Leeds
And all we want now is for our faces to feed"
The waiter works quickly at clearing the guests
Until all those that are standing are now seated pests
But instead of being happy and preparing to eat
They order their drinks and quickly back on their feet
They're off to the breakfast bar as fast as they can
To load up their plates with the eggs, beans and ham.
But instead of finding a platter of food,
Is a big long wall of a human queue.
They hadn't worked out that there was so many to start
So for everyone to eat, some first had to part.
But instead they complain as they stand in a queue
And when they get to the front, gone, is the food.
For instead of thinking of the others behind them yet to eat,
The ones at the front load their plates high with the meat.
They take 4 slices of bacon, when two would have done
And empty all the salvers before they are gone
When back at their tables they began to laugh
At how they had managed to upset the poor staff
They finally got their pots of coffee and tea,
But little do they know, I suspect some contained chef's pee
The overstuff plates began to go down
As the faces of those eating began to frown
With the displeasure of thoughts of eating loads
Turn more into thoughts of tummies about to explode.
I listened to their conversations and the droll they produce
About the night on the town and the people they seduced.
Some were 'escaped housewives', others on a dirty weekend
And some on a hen night that had unfortunately lost the Hen!
The waiter does his final round checking they are all OK
And pleasantly wishing them all to have a good day.
But secretly, I know, he is thinking behind that smile,
Of a hit man coming in and clearing this group so vile.
I wouldn't trust my meal, coffee or tea from a kitchen,
When a group so foul mouth showed up where I'm sitting,
Coz you can guarantee that catering staff ain't nobody's fool
As you can sure bet they've hidden in the food, a stool.
