bozz's blog: "The fight for happiness"

Now that im on my new medication.Not to be alarmed it's just something to make me a little happier and alot less anxiety.I think that it's time i definatly get over my ex and start to explore new and wonderful possabilitys.If shes going to be a bitch about things and not bring the kids around out of her own free will. Then i don't need her around any way.I just need to get over it. If shes going to fall in love with some strange guy on the net that she has no clue about.Taking a chance on getting herself hurt or worse....getting killed.Oh well let it happen.Nothing i can do to stop it.I feel bad for her daughter because she has that kind of mother.Yet the road to happiness means you got to let somethings go and let people learn the hard way. As for me i just need to find someone new and have a good time.Even for a short time.Because thats what life is all about a series of moments that make you happy.

Me and my ex have been over for months and yet i still find myself wanting to be with her and see the kids.It's not really her though its i miss my kids.When you raise a kid for more than a year,even if it isn't yours they kinda grow on ya.When they refer to you as their other daddy.You have to fulfill the part. With her i still feel the hate of what she did but when shes mad or upset i find myself being kind to her again.She tries to hide it from me but i know her more than she knows herself.I know that what she did to me was wrong.I don't know if I would ever forgive and forget.Yet when I see her fustraition with things and shes having a hard time.I cant help but to offer myself to help out. In away I wish we could rekindle things and I could just tell her play times over come home.Then on the other hand i still want to look her in the eye and tell her to go fuck herself. I know what most people would say but try to factor in i miss the kids. I know im a smuck......but i just don't know what to do.

I keep trying but everytime i try to find a new love.It just keeps ending in disaster.The unhappy married girl turned out to just be a slut who doesnt really want to get someone other than her husband.Sounds more like she wants everyone but her husband.....but not me eather.So once again im back to trying to find someone who wants me....not just for a one nighter.(althogh that would be good just to clean out some fustration) Im tired of being someones buddy, their friend, or someone for the night.I sit here willing to give my love to someone who needs it and i have no takers.I should be worth something to someone. Yet maybe it will be different this week....who knows what may pan out. Right now my goal is to atleast get laid this weekend.Lord knows i need it.