Well seems the bozz man went back to the shrinks.THey got me on some new pills that make life feel a little better.im not so much of an asshole to people like i used to be.I still have trouble with relationships.....not just with women but all in general.
My shrink made the mistake of asking me about my last one and i went off...bad.I think i scared the guy.
yet,things are getting better.
Calling, calling, for the place of knowing
There's more than what can be linked
Calling, calling now, never will I look away
For what life has left for me
BREED
I don't care if I'm old
I don't mind if I don't have a mind
Get away get away from your home
I'm afraid I'm afraid of a ghost
Even if you have
Even if you need
I don't mean to stare
We don't have to breed
We can plant a house
We can build a tree
I don't even care
We could have all three
She said
why do delicate creatures always ignore the mean dogs of war? They know that the dog is mean and hateful.The dog is spiteful and un-caring.Best to leave him alone.
The creature has done him wrong and broke his heart.Left him full of hate.Yet, it ignores the signs and stands at the gates of the devils den and speaks as if nothings wrong.
Suddenly a growl and a glare arises and the feelings of hate fill the cave.
no fear and no tears.....
The creature just standing wondering why?
I've been cooped up here in the house too long.It sucks when you have no life.It really sucks when you fear something bads going to happen if you leave out the door.
I just need something new in my life.I can feel the voice inside me say get out and go somewere.Yet the feelings of being hurt by life and all the ignorance in the world.Keeps me from doing so.....
I need a new adventure.
I think the lonlyness is starting to get to me.I have friends and family.I have roommates who stay around me all day.Yet it's not having a woman who loves me that is driving me crazy.Not having that type of compaionship is what sucks right now.Hell i would even settle for a night with my ex.
Yet i would shoot myself before that happend.I just need to find a woman who I can get along with.Someone who I know won't hurt me.
yet the best chances of that is finding a nun who's ready to convert.
Here it is getting close to christmas.I sit here thinking should i give a damn or not.No body tells me merry christmas or Shows me any careing durring this time.So why should i even put a smile on my face?
Besides......no one celebrates christmas the way it should be any more.It's all about the gifts and shit.
This is the worst time for me anyway.Christmas depression topped off with up comming birthday blues.
I don't know if it's me or the medication but I've gotten to were I just don't care about anything.I've now got this problem were I Just don't want anything to do with people anymore.Don't get me wrong im not forsaking the world.I still care about life.Just i don't care to be a careing person any more.
I've had several women flirt with me in the past two weeks and I give them this look like what the hell are you doing.It's like i've developed this hate for socializing.
Hell I don't know...I still would like to find someone new to be with.Yet,Im just losing the ability to care.I need to find a new reason.
