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Soldier's Prayer
I asked God for strength, that I might achieve,
I was made weak, that I might learn humbly to obey.
I asked for health, that I might do greater things.
I was given infirmity that I might do better things.
I asked for riches, that I might be happy.
I was given poverty, that I might be wise.
I asked for power, that I might have the praise of man,
I was given weakness, that I might feel the need of God.
I asked for all things, that I might enjoy life,
I was given life that I might enjoy all things.
I got nothing that I asked for — but everything that I had hoped for.
Almost......despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered.
I am among all men,
most richly blessed,
and most deeply grateful.
-Anonymous Soldier who died in America's Civil War
Please stop reading now if this prayer does not speak to you or offends you in any way...
I have seen variations of this in a lot of places and always felt this was the version that spoke to me. I found this in my Grandmother's Mother's Bible after my Grandma passed in 2017 at the age of 98. It was labeled, "please read at my funeral." I have no way of knowing if it was. I quickly realized that I had seen this before. I knew I had written these words in my life. When? I couldn't recall.
My Grandfather passed when I was 27. Having become recently disabled, I was able to be with him when he died. The only man in my life who had ever loved me like a father should. I was able to hold his tortured hand as he passed away. He squeezed my hand as hard as he ever had. Among his things I was going through and "sorting" after we moved on from my Grandmother's death was this prayer written in my distinctive cursive. Writing it out prior to, and then reading it at his service as tears rolled down my cheeks instantly came racing back into my memory.
God has a way of pulling your life into perspective if you let him in. "Jesus Take the Wheel" is so much more than a country song. This is exactly what God asks of you. Turn yourself over and know you are not in control. Believe, ask for forgiveness of your sins, try to walk in his shadow. That's all. There are 10 commandments but really it comes down to just the one; if you do unto others as you would have done to you; it pretty well covers both the commandments and WWJD. (What would Jesus do?)
Having been 15+ years earlier than Grandma's death and having been intoxicated daily during much of that 15+ years; it didn't surprise me I had forgotten the prayer I read at his funeral. I was on narcotic pain meds for the first time ever to be able to have gotten out of bed and made the trip to be with him. I still don't remember a lot of that trip but the other thing that came rushing back to me was the memory of myself on my knees in the chapel of the hospital where he died.
I had assessed his condition and knew he was miserable and didn't want to fight anymore. He was almost 80 and never had expected to live that long. He couldn't talk to me but he knew I knew his eyes. His eyes said I needed to let him go. Help him go. I knelt and prayed to God in that chapel for the first time since I was a child. I prayed that if he couldn't help my granddad that he set him free and end his suffering. Hours later he squeezed the blood from my hand as he passed. Just after I told him how much I loved and respected him. Just after I cried on his chest and thanked him for being the only man who ever loved me like a father.
So began my journey to find and know God. So began my understanding of the sacrifice made by God and his son for me. I began to realize the open honesty of God and Jesus as they represented what I hoped would be my truth regardless of what God I worshiped. As I studied other religions; with and without God's; with and without a "Savior;" I realized that throughout religion throughout the world we are all instructed to do the same things.
Love.
Treat others how we want to be treated.
Respect everyone's right to believe (or not) on thier own terms.
Strive to be Godly in spite of our humanity and our sins.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. I will post the story of my ultimate union with my God as soon as I can.
Cheers,
Dan
