lookpastmyscarz's blog: "step inside my dark twisted mind...."

all these words and thoughts swirl in my mind consuming every part of me. it's you im always thinking about. about how much you fucking confuse me, send me mixed messages that torment my decaying brain. the worst part of it is you know exactly what your doing. you've told me it's my body and to do what i have to do. then when ive taken the blade and sliced through my flesh, you get pissy and scrutenize. MAKE UP YOUR FUCKING MIND! i cant take the constant mind games. your feeding off my weakness, its not fair. if you continue to feed off me, soon there will be nothing left of me. i break down and cry so often. i know i am weak. i know i let everyone down. but you dont fucking understand! how could you? look me in the eye and tell me you understand what it is i do to myself. YOU HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE! you know what the sickest part of all is? i love you for showing me my weakness...

here i find myself lying awake yet again in the wee hours of the morning. but how can i sleep? how can i sleep when i have so many thoughts, so many demons plagueing my mind? i find myself in this position way too often. so many times i've tried to change it, to turn it around. i fail each and every time. no longer do i find pleasure in life, only misery. i envy other humans, the carefree and content ones, for they are everything i cant seem to be. i try as i might, to sift through this shit running through my head. i cant find the answers i need. why do i always find myself like this? locked away inside my head, where my demons torment me. so many times ive gotten to the suicidal point, but i dont have the guts. so many times when i cut myself, i just want to press down and stop the world. but i cant. im weak. i cant seem to do anything. sometimes i feel like im already dead...