A Soul Mate
Orin: Soul mates are friends and loved ones who are responsive to your love, and with whom you are deeply connected and share a common path and purpose. Your soul mate may be someone who has come to be with you and learn similar lessons. Or, it can be someone who has come to assist you in your spiritual growth by showing you more about yourself and offering you ways to open your heart. I will call these people soul mates. A soul mate can be someone who is connected to you from other lifetimes and with whom you are continuing a well-developed past-life relationship. Or, this may be your first lifetime together on earth.
"When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.
For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.
Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.
All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.
But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.
When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, "I am in the heart of God."
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips." - Khalil Gibran
Is strange to sit back and look at one’s life. I never believed myself that there would be a time where one woman would consume me. Where the time apart would pull at my heart and soul wishing for the time to end. So much has happened over the last 2 plus years of my life. So much time has passed, so many thoughts have passed through my mind, so many emotions have passed through my heart. From confusion to pain to sorrow to grief to anger to loss to regret to love to acceptance. That is in no particular order by no means but also just the tip of the emotional gambit I have lived and still live with. I sit here even to this day and wonder the worse question you can ask yourself, ‘what if?’. What if I had not of filed the complaint, what if I had not moved out, what if I had loved more, what if I had given more of myself, what if I had accepted her love, what if I had accepted she wasn’t a house keeper, what if, what if ??? All questions that rattle through my mind and heart. All questions that to this day sneak in and cause me to doubt myself and my actions.
When you know you have or had found your soul mate and lost that person, how do you move on? How do you get over them? How do you find someone to love you and you love them with the intensity you once felt for your soul mate? If you want them back how do you make it up to them? How do you find them again? How do you apologize to them for losing them in the first place? How, how, how??? It seems as if they knew how you felt and held the smallest amount of love for you still that they would listen to you, they would want to know why things were done as they were, why things turned bad, why the relationship came to an end. Wouldn’t you think they would want to know the answers to questions they have as well? Why does love and life have to be so confusing! I have looked for the answers in the only book that makes sense, yet even in those words little comfort is found for the pain and sorrow within me. The words lift my spirit and calm my soul. But the turmoil in my mind and heart still persist.
How does one leave a world behind them that they know was something that can never be replaced or possibly found again.
