Hypermentlechick's blog: "Some of my writting."

To me a friend should be someone like me. Someone who shares some of the same dreams, a kindred spirit. Someone you feel a connection with on the deepest level. Someone you can count on when you need them, in good times and bad. Someone you feel you can share any feelings and thoughts with, whatever silly things they may be. Someone who has a big heart, because you may need forgiving. Someone who is very understanding and patient, because life doesn't always go the way we want it to. Someone who sees who you really are, yet still loves you. Someone who makes you feel like you matter to them. Someone who is always there for you, even when you least expect it. Friends and friendships are a very important part of who we are. Friends can influence us in positive and negative ways. Friends come and go from our lives and we adjust accordingly. Some friendships last a lifetime, some only a season. No matter how long they last value them for what they are, how they make you feel and what they mean to you. And when a friendship is over, keep all the good memories of people, places and feelings in your heart. It feels good to know you have a friend to talk to and count on. It does the soul good to have a good friend and it feels just as good to be a friend.

The person I feel I am on the inside is not who I see when I look in the mirror. When I look in the mirror I see all my flaws and the reasons why they don't match. Reminders of more painful times are the first obviously visible thing to me. I see it in my silhouette, I see it in the way I move, I see it on my skin. I see the years that have slipped passed me while I was involuntarily sedentary. I see age in my skin, my hair, my eyes. I see the evidence of the children I bore, the life I created. I see a limited person. I see a person I do not recognize. I see a trapped soul. The person I look for in the mirror is young and vibrant. The person I look for is carefree, adventurous, spontaneous. Without physical or potential limitations. I look for the person I feel wants to conquer the world. A person who would climb mountains just to watch the sun setting behind the world. A person who would jump out of a perfectly good airplane and parachute thru the heavens just for the thrill of it. A person who would backpack and camp thru the thickest of forests just to enjoy nature. I know if the two ever matched there is one thing that would remain the same, who I am. That is never ending, never changing. My essence and soul would remain the same, my heart would remain the same.

I think we should all slow down sometimes. Life is crazy for us all at some point or another. It is too easy to get caught up in the complexities, chaos and stress that are in our daily life. We don't think often enough about ourselves. We are consumed and occupied with the thought of all the things we need to accomplish and trying to accomplish them, that we loose our inner peace. Most of the time we feel there is no time to rest, there are just too many demands and obligations to be met. We have our family, our jobs and any other obligations we have deemed worthy of occupying our every spare moment. We spread ourselves too thin. What do you think would happen if you just decided to turn the ringer off, told your spouse and children you would tend to their needs later. Told the boss you had an appointment you just had to keep. What if you told your customers you would get to them another day, told your friends you would talk to them later. What if you just walked away from everything and everyone you thought was important and just took some time for yourself. What if you just sat alone somewhere that brought you peace, closed your eyes and took a deep breath and allowed yourself to let go. Allowed your mind to be free of all things. Allowed yourself a moment of peace. What do you think would happen? The world would go on just fine without you.

I feel I am everything to everyone. I am a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, an aunt,an employee, a co-worker, a friend, a lover, a confidant, a provider, a cook, a taxi driver, a maid, a waitress, a seamstress, a counselor, a healer, a hero, a poet, a nurturer, a keeper of secrets, a survivor. And soon a grandmother. The feelings I feel most often. I feel stressed. I feel love. I feel lust. I feel loved. I feel passion. I feel happiness. I feel desperate. I feel misunderstood. I feel incomplete. I feel fulfilled. I feel lost. I feel focused. I feel lonely. I feel curious. I feel mellow. I feel content. I feel satisfied. All these feelings come and go throughout the days, weeks, months and years. But they are my feelings. They make me who I am. They drive me to do the things I do in life. When I look at all the individual pieces of the puzzle that is my life, they look incomplete. There is no one perfect piece. But together they complete me. If I look at all the individual people in my life. I find no one perfect person. But together they make my life complete. Things that bring me happiness. Loving someone. Feeling loved. Feeling wanted. Being with my children. Being with my husband. Making someone happy. Helping someone. Knowing I have friends. Listening to a friend talk about anything. Finding I have something in common with someone. Discovering new things about myself and others. Listening to music. Driving. Writing. Camping. Animals. Enjoying nature.

Being a people pleaser is an emotionally draining and often painful existence. I don't know what it is, but something deep inside you feels the need to try to keep everyone you come in contact with happy in some form or another. The need to please consumes your mind and soul. The need to please is so great that you are willing to make yourself miserable in order to please another. When you feel the need to put forth the effort to please, you can't help but to put your whole heart and soul into it. Everything a people pleaser does to try to please, they do with an intense burning passion. Which I'm sure is the reason rejection hurts so bad. Rejection is a people pleasers worst fear. We can accept the small everyday rejections life has to offer. But when it comes to rejection from people we try hard to please, that kind of rejection can crush a people pleasers soul. A people pleaser is a very emotional, poetic, romantic and passionate person. Emotions drive us to do everything we do in life. I guess you might say a people pleaser wears their heart on their sleeve. It is very easy for a people pleaser to be emotionally hurt because we put our heart and soul into everything we do. People pleasers will allow those we are trying to please to repeatedly hurt us and we will always keep trying to please, no matter how bad it hurts. Something as simple as a broken promise is enough to deeply wound a people pleaser. We often perceive rejection when none is there. Postponement feels like rejection. When someone asks a people pleaser to wait to please, it tortures our mind and soul. People pleasers often get taken advantage of because it is so hard for us to say no. We feel if we say no to the person we are trying to please they will never come back and then we would have to face another rejection. For a people pleaser life is like walking on egg shells, you must take extreme caution not to break any because broken shells are not happy shells. All efforts and thoughts are concentrated at all times on the shells, no matter how bad it hurts to walk on them we do it anyway. Constantly tending to the shells, making sure their every need is met so they don't break and go away. Most people will never know what it truly feels like to be a people pleaser.