One of the inherent traits of being a Guy is that you make your living hooking up with considerably less-than-desirable girls, because let's face it: if they were attractive enough in the first place, you wouldn't bother bedding and discarding them, you'd actually make an attempt at establishing a long-term, loving relationship.
The problem is, unattractive girls are almost never aware of the fact that Guys are making a huge concession by hanging out with them and that they are nowhere near the top of the preference list when it comes to who a Guy actually wants to spend time/be seen with. So here are some tips for the ugly set; this way you won't get your heart broken and you and your Guy can continue having passionless, emotionless drunk sex without anyone's feelings getting hurt.
1) If we actually wanted to pursue a serious relationship with you, chances are we wouldn't have drunkenly slept with you within three hours of us meeting.
2) Don't get angry at us when we ask you to leave at five in the morning because we're too embarrassed to be caught by our roommates. If by some miraculous happenstance we are too drunk to kick you out, don't even think about asking us to pay for your breakfast.
3) Do you really think we want to be your boyfriend if the earliest you hear from us on a weekend night is 2 a.m.? What part of "I'm drunk, come over, let's have sex" don't you understand?
4) Please don't cuddle with us. There's plenty of room on the other side of the bed, or the floor.
5) There is no way we're fucking you without a condom on. Only God and half the population of Murray Hill know where you've been.
6) We can and will act completely irrational at a moment's notice. We will randomly cold shoulder you but the second we get horny we will sweet talk your panties right off.
7) Any attempt to have a serious "chat" will be met with a brief period of indifference shortly followed by the absence of us from your life.
8) Never, ever, under any circumstances tell us you're in love with us. There is no possible way we have done anything to merit such a bold statement.
9) If you stalk us down at a bar and you see us exchange knowing glances with our friends and burst into laughter, yes, it's you.
10) Why didn't we call you last night? Chances are we were screwing another unwitting girl who will be removed from the premises as soon as we're finished.
