Gonna be a Momma's blog: "Sick Sad Little World..."

I just want to sit and cry I just want to ball up and die I hate the way you've made me feel I can't take this way I always feel I hate the way you think of me I hate the way that I think of you! I hate the fact that you came back I hate the way I think of me I hate this life I hate this world I hate that you are here I hate that you are not I see the way you look at me I feel the way you see I see the things you say about me I feel the way you seethe I hate the things that have happened I hate the things yet to come I hate the way you think of me I hate what you've become! I know you will never see these things I know I am saying this to myself I know you will never really be there I know it's just a hopeless cause I need to get these things out of me I need to make you see I need to get this out of my head I need to make this be I no longer want to think of you I no longer want to see I no longer want to wish for you By now you are dead to me!

I see that you are here. but you really are not.. I see that you pay attention but you really don't I miss you being there for me even though you really weren't I miss talking to you... even though we really didn't I wish that you were here I wish that you could see I see that you still care I wish we could still be I know that you don't hate me even though that's what you want me to think I know that you still care for me I know that you still look I have seen your face a thousand times here and there I have seen your face a thousand times almost everywhere I know that you still look for me I see that you still care so why can't you just speak to me I know you still really do care......

I sit and contemplate what to do next where do I go from here? What will I do with this I sit and contemplate with this blade so sharp so fresh It cuts deep into the skin only to shed the tears only to feel the pain only to mend the fears I sit and contemplate what will I do where will I go How will it show? I sit with this blade so sharp so fresh it digs into the flesh I sit and contemplate which way should I go how deep will it be what direction shall I take I sit with this blade so sharp so fresh I sit and contemplate What's next?

Sometimes I feel like I am your world And sometimes I feel like no one I feel as if there could be another And then I know I am the only one I sometimes think you hate me I sometimes feel that more I know that you couldn't but then you call me a whore We fuss we fight we love, all night we scream and yell and slam the doors We always seem to make up we always seem to get better just to wait for the next time or when you write that letter. I know that when we argue sometimes it makes things better But I don't like your tone of voice couldn't we have made a better choice? I know that we will always be Unless we always lie But if you left me one day Deep down inside I would die.

A blade so sharp A blade so cold A blade so sharp Only you can control It feels so good when it cuts so deep the scars they will heal the wounds you will keep You make this cut deep into the skin you try not to think of what you will win you try and you try but you just can't stop you try and you try but you don't want to stop You make this cut you know it will scar but you know it will heal but the wound will go far

Hate I hate the pain you make me feel I hate the pain, but it is so real I hate the hurt I feel inside I hate it so bad, I just want to die I hate this life I hate what it's become I hate the pain I feel My hate just feels so real I hate this shit you put me through I hurt inside and it's all because of you I hate this pain you've made me feel I hate this pain that feels so real You made me hate you made me cry You made me wish that I would just die You left me alone alone in the cold you left me sad and blue You left me with this pain that I feel for you Why can't you just take it all back Make it all go away Take this hurt and pain Take it back to the way it was Just like yesterday I just want to hide away forever I just want to stay in this hurt forever I can't make you change I can't change your mind So maybe I will just hide.

I tend to think of bad things of hurting myself, or others even I tend to think of negativities, and often want to end it all I have had many dreams few of which come true I just feel that if I end it all Then you won't feel this too. I cut myself to ease the pain to feel the pain inside. I cut myself to ease my mind but still the pain never subsides... The dreams they fade, But still I'm left alone Until the day, I finish it.... J.

How How did I let you get to me How did I not see How did I let you hurt me... How do I make it be I let you in I let down my guards I let you down I let me down How did I let you hurt me so How did I not let you know Why didn't I see what was happening Why couldn't I stop it from being so I let you in I let you down, I let you in I let me drown..... J.

I hurt to ease the pain to feel the pain to see the pain I hurt inside and out my heart aches for those who don't love for those who can't love for those that don't show it... My heart bleeds for love, aches for love needs for love... I yearn to feel the pain to ease the pain to see the pain I need it I want it I desire it.... J.

The Pain I hurt my self, to see if I still feel the pain.. The pain you caused.. The pain I've endured.... I wanted to see if I still felt anything at all.. I wanted to see if I still could feel you... The pain you left... the pain you bore... I wanted to see if I could still feel you here... I cut myself to see if the pain was real... To see if it would subside... To see my greatest fears.. My feelings have never changed... they will never fade.. They will always be, My greatest fear is losing you.... and my biggest fear is me. J.