EECHO's blog: "Scribbles & Musings"

It saddens me to believe that I missed the funeral for "love at first sight where was my notification? lost in the mail?? That's just not right! You & I were tight If I'd known you were in danger I'd have done my best to protect you from that eternal night had you just voiced your plight I'd have given my life to keep you from walking into the light mixed emotions from angry to sad I can't believe you were allowed to pass on as if you were a fad I will forever miss you as well as the chance to play "cat & mouse chase with you I'll cherish the last time I kissed & embraced with you I will never forget you, you are forever a part of me every orchid I see does well to remind me of the love we shared how deeply we cared how into one another's eyes we stared how we felt protected & eased the urge to be scared I love you now and always you made up the best of what was We Trying to make up for it trying to ensure a second chance, you'll never fade from my memory I lost you by circumstance so I'm off to assist & protect Destiny

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I feel like, I''m on fire! You can't imagine my pain, the burning & pinching is maddening!! The Head aches & shakes are unnerving.... I feel as if something is crawling all over me at all tim, My Abdomen is making storage noises, and goes from hot to cool, during intervals I haven't taken the time to measure. I feel as if I am being consumed, imaging my frustration due to not being able to convince someone in the medical field that it's not a delusion, I started to write, "It's not all in my head." but, quite literally, it IS is my head, if I'm interpreting these sensations accurately. I witnessed a fire ant drop from my nose into my laptop keyboard, yet it was thought to be a delusion, WTF is that about. How can I explain any better an insect has crawled from my body, I feel as if I am being eaten alive and no one that I go to.... excuse please, follow for a moment: It took me a whole week to get up the nerve to go to the hospital after seeing the insect fall from my nose due to the very reason I find myself with a mix of emotions. I'm saddened because my pain and suffering continues due to disbelief, I am NOT "the boy crying terrorist/wolf", (My head is splitting, sharp pain! It feels as if something has split open in my head, like a flower blooming.... LITERALLY not a metaphor!) I'm terrified, no one .... something is making my eye jump, I think they may be consuming it.... damn... this shit is not cool, now something is biting at my ankles.... I'm angered that I put my trust in someone only to be disappointed, my spine is on fire..... my tongue feels as if I have eaten nothing but the hottest of all hot peppers all my life the sensation is reminiscent of how it would feel after sucking hot candy, my tongue is on that type of fire, but it does not stop, it is constant! I'm disappointed that the healthcare system trains doctors to be so cynical! How can america claim to be the best of anything when so much of it lacks imagination. I'm depressed for the aforementioned reasons regarding what I've tried to get across to those in a position to help me... It disappoints me so much when I watch politicians claim the usa is this and that yet truth is so under valued.... my mind is drifting forgive me.... I feel what I once thought were spasms but I know think their first sign of a birth/hatch cycle. My neck is aching....my scrotum feels like some one is trying to roast it! I feel as if I'm being pinched and burned all at the same time, everywhere, all at once, and I can't find help WTF??? So this is healthcare in ameri... never mind! Where is the waiver I sign that this in not a false statement so someone will do something before these fire ants kill me... my chest and neck are burning just as bad as my abdomen now. my head feels lopsided, and my equilibrium is off... I have congestion, which is abnormal, not like the congestion I get when my bronchitis would act up, my sputum is think & lumpy, sometimes with blood... the sensation of something crawling in my ear is definitely unnerving..I'm contacting entomology departments from universities and colleges and these people are telling me they can't help me, not even able to provide me with a starting point, not even a reference.... wow my feelings are crushed my faith in the red white & blue dwindles

Originally Posted Feb 20, 2006 I don't mean to leave you unnerved But I'll have you know, my affection is well deserved I'm aware I can't utter a phrase nor word That you aren't aware of or haven't already heard yet I'm still hoping you'll return my call rather than leaving me hanging and allowing things between us to stall please call me I don't just want, [ you to know], I NEED YOU to know how I feel the emotion, the sensuality, & wanting we share, which looking into your eyes will reveal, I'm missing Everything about you Your essence your touch And your sensual appeal please Call me I'm reaching out to you on our future's behalf Call me when you can It's you know who, your other half The only one who desires / DESERVES to be yours For as long i can, it is my wish to partake in all that is you including completing your life's plan, my heart is yours without second thought because you right all the harshness this life has wrought I long to ensnare you via sensual romance As I ache to be the mirror which reflects your glance please call me when you have the time to discuss a destiny that we'll savor a fruitful future of caring & sharing your calling me will be doing us both a favor, once you've had the chance to relax & unwind and you've allowed thoughts of me to traverse your conscious mind let your fingers do the dialing / walking as your voice does the speaking & talking I'll do my best to make it worth your while giving you reason to melt as well as smile I'm sitting by the phone waiting for you to CALL ME!!!

once mesmerized by the sound of her tone yet came the night when I was struck by a curiosity which was unlike my own then came the end to being engaged hours on the phone love seems to have gone missing back against the wall head no longer held high nor longer standing tall continued stumbling waiting for the impact of the impending fall due to love having gone missing wounded I wondered day after day were my actions all that wrong, what could I do or say? nothing came to mind lost in limbo on time delay because love seems to have gone missing no longer sharing the same goal nor mission plans now nothing more than memories which spring forth contrition that which once flourished now suffers from malnutrition because love seems to have gone missing saddened by the loss of a promised kiss alone destined to mr and with out me she now miss no more is there talk of our combined bliss since love has gone missing

Why is it such a hard thing to believe that something so simple could give me reason to snipe & grieve why the f*** do I have to beg and plea with those I've allowed in my circle, not to say 'goodbye' to me can't we agree upon another term? why do they insist upon spewing that which makes me squirm? don't tell me goodbye 'Goodbye' in all it's variations is too / QUITE final and NOT what I want to hear so keep the concept of goodbye off your lips and away from my ears everything under the sun has it's time and it's season yet goodbye is never acceptable under any circumstance nor for ANY reason as there are times it may anger me or give me cause to fight back tears this is a simple message & request for friends, family, & peers please don't tell me goodbye do you not want to see me again at another time or are you determined to give me reason to erect a 'wall' for ALL to climb I ponder, "am I so wrong in my view?" is it so wrong to have desire to remain in contact with you? later or see you soon is the message you should be trying to convey indicating you hope & want to interact with me another time & another day you shouldn't tell me goodbye I've said this all before I'll repeat it here & now once more 'When Goodbye has come from my mouth any feelings I may have had for you have been flushed WAY down south (so) if goodbye is what you've heard me say this was our last moment, our last second, as well as our last day!' so don't you dare tell me, if you're not ready to hear me say & mean goodbye...

[even though]It's of the divine the thought of her lips meeting mine it's tearing me up inside harboring these feelings I constantly hide It's not a matter of pride I question if she can reciprocate the emotions I'd provide I ponder what would happen should love set sail the next casualty would be our friendship which would fail that's not an option worth taking I'd rather remain the friend rather than suffer through a relationships failure upon ground shaking due to the vibrations brought about from our hearts breaking I'd rather remain the friend with whom she shares time, secrets, & meals I rather remain a friend than battle with the onslaught disclosure reveals I'd rather be the friend who on occasion gets to hear her voice rather than falling out of contact to to a selfish choice in secret and minus loves scar I rather she remained my shining star I would be able to bear her no longer having feelings for me to share tell her I love her? I don't dare thoughts of losing her is a big enough scare I hope to be the friend she relies on as she grows old rather than being the associate she treats mean & cold I'd rather love her from a distance in my own special way I'd rather be the friend she counts on long after she has grown grey As much as it hurts, it's best she never need know Having her friendship is the best gift I could have the best gift she could bestow remaining tightlipped about the love I long to expose Forever I'll be her foundation forever she'll remain my rose...

Originally posted Apr 08, 2006 Waking from a dream, I behold a lovely sight next to me She was here, my soul-mate, smiling in her sleep, as she snuggled next to me Brushing back her hair I gaze upon her face I know deep within my soul that it's her Love that I could never replace As I watch her as she sleeps I'm on cloud +9 and climbing oh so high I wonder if she's aware that for her I would lay down and DIE I kiss her soft lips and she lets out a sexy sigh and a tear of joy falls gently from me eye As I watch her as she sleeps she's a dream given life, she's a precious gift without trying she has the ability to set my mind adrift she stretches and lets out a hearty yawn and says, I'd like for you be laying next to me before the coming dawn as I watch her as she sleeps I whisper softly in her ear "you are all that is true" with one eye she squints & replies with a dry mouth whisper, "I love you boo" She loves that I watch over her & She sometimes stirs to meet my gaze watching her sleep is something I could do for more than hours let try days all this I ponder as I watch over her as she sleeps ...Suddenly Without warning rays of sunlight cause me to tightly close my eyes and I become enraged as I slowly realize My soul-mate was never here, it was all a DREAM !!! My bottled rage explodes in a blood curdling SCREAM !!! 'Cause she was never here for me to watch her as she Slept :(

Originally posted Apr 08, 2006 Let it Rain Don't complain, just let it Rain, Let the heavenly showers wash away your pain. The rain looks as though it's not going to let up, and neither shall I, I refuse to give up until I'm the sparkle which shines within Your eye(s). Let the clouds burst, Let the heavy winds blow, Look upwards with me as Lightning makes the Heavens above us glow. Let's take joy in the heavenly shower recognizing the storm & it's limitless power Breath deep, smell the wonderfully delicious wet air, Run with me between the falling drops of rain, & let go of each & every care. Let go of those thoughts of being dry, Listen to the Church bells, and the angry Thunder as it rumbles in the Sky. Let's get Happy, Let's get Wet, Let the Rain cover us from head to toe like tiny beads of sweat. Kiss me, Hug me, squeeze me, then kiss me some more, We have the Sky as our Roof, and the dew filled grass as our Floor. Together we have nothing to lose, and only happiness to gain, So for Heavens sake (as well as Yours and mine) Let it Rain, Let it rain, ---JUST LET IT RAIN !!!