Sassy Star FuWifey to Mike's blog: "Sassy Star's rollercoaster"

As a lot of you know, my brother in law died tragically a couple weeks ago. It was so horrible and we are all still trying to deal with the shock. He was my nephew's daddy and a true brother to me. I still can't believe he's gone. He didnt' show up for work and didn't call in which is not like Kenny at all. By 10 am everyone was really worried. My ex, who I am on great terms with, Took off to see if he could locate him. He went to Kenny's house and no sign. Then he remembered Kenny was staying at his gf Karens while she was out of town. Denny got to her house and the door was unlocked which wasnt a good sign and lights were on in the house too. He started looking and calling for Kenny but no answer and he couldnt find him inside. He noticed some of Kenny's things outside on the deck and went to investigate. He didnt see at first and then that's when he saw him. Kenny was in the pool..at the bottom. Denny's first reaction was to jump in and he did. He tried to get Kenny out but couldn't. He yelled for help and some neighbors came running. Turned out Kenny had been there for awhile. Needless to say, Denny was severely traumatized and saw some horrible things while he watched the paramedics get Kenny out. I cannot even imagine what that had to be like. When I got the call I was hysterical and wanted to get in the car and start driving back to Illinois. Thankfully I was on a plane the next morning. The following week was total Hell. My other grandmother passed away and I had two funerals to go to that week. Denny and his family were in no shape to try and put everything together for the funeral so I did most of it. It was the hardest thing Ive ever had to do. There are still a lot of unanswered questions about Kenny's death that I dont think we will have the answers to. He knew Karens pool really well and was very strong. I dont know...Maybe just cos its so hard to accept. The boys are very sad and little Brayden is 4 and doesnt really understand. Kody is 9 and its been very hard on him. I feel so bad for the family. Kenny and Denny's mom is so devastated and she had to go to the hospital. I am still trying to help out and trying to make sense of something that makes no sense. There is a lot more I want to tell you all but I am tired and I have the flu so I will finish later. Thank you all who have sent prayers, well wishes and offers of help. You all are angels. Please say a prayer for the family. I appreciate it.

Love to you all...

Tuesday is the big day..I have my surgery. It's not major or anything but it is more involved than what it was going to be. I know it will be fine but I am still nervous. I also have mixed feelings about it. This is really the end of the road as far as having a baby. Don't get me wrong, I am totally done trying that. I went through more pain, physically and mentally, than most women would allow themselves to go through. Sometimes I think about what all I did and it amazes me that I put myself through some of it. Never did anything affect me the way fertility did. UGH! I did get pregnant and I know one was a girl. I named her, grieved for her and kept her memory. That is all I can do and it is enough. I guess in some small way I was a mother..even for a very short time. But that part of my life is over now. I am ready to move on and be healthy as well. This crap I go through 3 weeks out of every month has to end and I am ready. So enough babbling..lol. Please think of me and if you are in that mind, please say some prayers. Love ya all. S.

I keep looking at these people go across the screen..such pretty women and handsome men..So what am I doing in here? I look awful compared to them..what can I do? I feel ugly!!

Ok here it is! I finally created a blog. Took me long enough! I call it the rollercoaster because that is what my life is most of the time! :) If there is anything you want to know about me or something you want to ask..what are ya waiting for!? LOL Back soon! S.