i have this friend, i met him in january of 2006 in drivers ed class. he didnt live here in bloomington id never seen him before in my life but there was something bout him i just had to talk to him. he had long dirty blonde hair and had this stoner look to himself, he was a stoner. He talked to me first, we fought over this, he asked me the time. then i asked him to bum a cig once and then i use to sit outside before or after class with him and smoke and just talk a bit. over the time period of class we always sat next to each other and pretty much only talked to each other. we exchanged numbers and text back and forth for a long time. we talked on AOL too. After almost a year of not seeing each other the 1st day of january 2007 i got off work and that night on a whim i called him and asked if i could come see him. He lived in a small town outside of streator called ransom, i got directions off the web and hopped in my car telling my mom and dad something and started to drive. the drive took me about an hour but i didnt mind. i met him at a park then we went to his house. We hung out until 4 am, we got high watched tv and talked and smoked cigs, he had changed over the almost year, his hair was dreaded now but still so long. I remember the night like it was yesterday down to almost excatly what we were wearing. we went for a while without seeing each other but we did again, i use to go stay up there for a day or two, we'd hang out party watch movies get high just have a blast. the first time i ever watched Natural Borne Killers was with him, it was his favorite movie. We sat there talking bout how we wanted to go on a killing spree like that together. The last time i saw him we had 3 days together we woke up in the morning i left he went to help his friend move. Before that he asked me to go to Summer Camp with him, but i couldnt i had just gotten a job and i needed to keep it. So that morning was the last time we saw each other. The last time we talked was a bit after he got home from the fesitval we talked he asked where we were together i didnt really have an answer so i didnt. it was sad to say but i dont know if we could of made it work cause of the distance or if we were just to much of opposites. we talked a bit longer but i got off the phone to go to sleep. I tried to call him again, but never got an answer, he hadnt got online. I thought bout him quite often, wondering if he was okay or if i should call him or why he hadnt been online like he usually was. I figured he was really into his online game he was enjoying playing and tried to teach me to play. Its now August 10th, his friends girlfriend got online i had her AOL screenname from talking to her before. I sent her a messege asking if she had seen him and how he been telling her i wanted to make sure he wasnt dead, that was a joke. she was shocked i hadnt heard, he had died on June 10th of an overdose on pills at 5:15 pm. Just a few days after i talked to him. Its been 2 months and i never heard a thing. I dont believe its true, but it is. Ive been sitting here since she told me in shock, i dont want him to be gone. He was only 18 years old, he liked taking pills and just having a good time. he always told me he wanted to live like it was the last day he had, i believe thats what he did. i remember all the time we spent together ill never forget he was important to me. he was someone i could just sit with and talk about anything. We would sit on the phone for hours at a time just chatting away. He got me more into Heavymetal then anything also, NIN, Mushroomhead, and others. he would tell me songs to download all the time so i could hear them. Im going up in a few weekends to see his grave, his friends girlfriend taking me there since i dont know where it is. I will never touch pills again, never will i want to.
Matt i miss you, you were a great friend, someone who will never be replaced in my life. You made a big difference with my world and my soul. You were my hippie no matter what you said, even though everytime i would call you a hippie you would disagree with me, but you were to me, you were my hippie. I will meet you one day in Paradise. Until then, you will be in my thoughts my dreams and in my heart. And i vow to go meet up with aaron and holly every year on your birthday as long as i can at your grave and a smoke a blunt just like you would do for us. Everytime i hear Reptile by Nine Inch Nails ill think of you and how you would sing parts of the song while we were hanging out and would always tell me it made you think of me.
lyrics to one of his favorite songs
Hurt by Nine Inch Nails
I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything
What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
I wear this crown of shit
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here
What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way
