MetalWiccaDyke's blog: "Rants"

I was forced to leave home last year at this time. I moved in with people I met through friends because I had nowhere else to go. I have been paying $500 a month toward rent and lived with 2 other people. Last month, my roommates broke up and the female kicked the male out. I was worried bout rent but she told me not to worry. She already moved on to a new guy and has been practically living with him the last month or so. I'm the only one who takes care of the apartment. Tuesday there was a petition from the court for non-payment where she has not paid rent since MAY!! They are demanding the money or eviction. She's still telling me not to worry but I do not want to come home one day and find that the marshall has locked me out the aprtment. I'm trying to move before any actions happen against us. I'm halfway packed and will pack the rest tonite to be out tomorrow. Should I let her know I'm leaving or just leave a note like she does for me?

This was a bullentin I came across today subject: WHAT A BUNCH OF BULLSHIT......... (repost) date: 2007-09-25 08:39:16   I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT I HAVE MADE AT LEAST 10 BULLETINS ASKING FOR PEOPLE TO REPOST THEM IN REMEMBRANCE OF 9/11.........APPERANTLY NO-ONE ON HERE GIVES A RATS ASS ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO DIED THAT DAY AND SINCE....WHAT IS THAT OLD SAYING...LEST YE FORGET SHALL IT HAPPEN AGAIN....THIS WILL BE THE LAST TIME I MAKE ANOTHER ABOUT IT AND IF IT IS NOT REPOSTED IT WILL BE THE LAST TIME I REPOST ANYTHING FOR ANYONE...THANK YOU AND HAVE A NICE FUCKING DAY Ewww... Just like christians to dwell on death instead of life and movin on and then get angry that others don't why don't. Do we need bullentins to remember that day? I remember it everyday when I walk past ground zero to go to and from work. I don't need someone cursin me out in a bullentin because we didn't give them praise for putin up somethin 1000s of others posted as well. Get over yourself, dude. It's a day of rememberance for those who died. Not you. Do you think he celebrate dec 7th as the day Pearl Harbor was bombed. Doubt it seriously

Love the pain. Need it. Why else would I allow myself to go thru such exquisite toture? The heavy flirtin wit danger. Allowin myself to teeter over the edge of sanity then claw my way back. Feel the poundin of my heart. And tomorrow do it again. Adrenaline junkie. Not really. Just so lost. Miserable. Lonely. The only attention received comes in some form of pain. The only way to feel. Maybe stayin numb is the solution. Numb isn't fun. Otherwise... why be a msaochist

Wear all black tomorrow in support of the Jena 6. http://www.bapd.org/n9118.html If you don't know the situation... enlighten yourself http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jena_Six

I understand this is the anniversary for this tragic event but come on. Joe Blow in oklahoma has no reason to pound in my head that we have a right to be at war. Always around this time.. "we will remember." I remember bein here. Do you just remember seein the news?

I believe my profile is pretty much easy to understand! Why the F**ck do guys think that they can ignore the profile to make friends? Maybe there should be a way to send someone a kick in the ass for bein inconsiderate pricks. Guys wit only female friends and fans, and have no profiles are just lookin for pinup dolls. I will not be one and every guy who treats women like meat should go back to have lessons wit their mom about how to treat females. Not all of women need to be called sexy. Or want to be treated like whores. Not all women wanna show their ass for pleasure. Not all females think every comment tag should have a half naked gurl. Sexual freedom doesn't mean you hafta put everythin out there for strangers. Self-respect does tie into sexual freedom. I have both and refuse to be nice to guys who only think wit their penises and expect me to bow down to them. Ok done rantin.

See that pic? That was me the day she broke my heart. She didn't care, she just gushed how much she loved HER. SHE would treat her like shit and I would hold her as best as I could thru my phone, I tried to make her laugh and take her mind off things, show she was loved. I put her on a pedetal. She told me everythin I wanted to hear and then took it all back because of HER. Now SHE's leavin and she's depressed. Why the fuck do I need to hear how sad she is when she didn't give a shit bout how I felt, just said, Sorry. Always sorry.... *sigh* and I'm still in love wit her...

How am I supposed to Stop smokin when my body craves the poison on occasion Forget what I was promised Feel I'm beautiful Feel appreciated Feel loved Feel respected Feel not so slighted Feel not so lonely Believe anythin anyone tells me since they don't remember or care Stop wantin to just not be alive any more Stop drinkin till my liver fails Stop tokin till I'm so numb I'm comatose till I wake the next day I can't answer these questions and no one can answer them for me so how can I have peace. When she tells me she's fascinated by me and wants to know more bout me buy then suddenly vanishes witout a word? I just don't understand. One "friend" tells me I need to find happiness within myself. Well I know what made me happy but it doesn't anymore. I've walked so much by myself, my knees creak and my calves and shins hurt. Doesn't stop me from noticin the group of people walkin and laughin together. I go and bowl or at least try. Doesn't mean I don't notice the happy jokin groups of friends and dates and yearn for just one person to spend time wit. Not a whole gaggle. Just one person. That "friend" yells at me for bein upset she has no time for me unless she's exhausted all her plans. She always throws in my face. "Is everyone supposed to be available just for you?" *flinches as though slapped* No they don't but it'd be nice if one of those people I place in my closest circle had a lil time for me and didn't use bein in a relationship as an excuse. If these people thought of me as close friends, why can't they make time for me instead of always puttin sayin they can't cause of their bf/gf? Why when I point this out they make me seem selfish but when I'm askin over a week in advance to hang, why can't they tell me they can't hang at that time instead of 2 hours past our meet up date. Why did my closest female friend hold $110 of my money for 5 months, promise to give it back for 3 and then go away for 2 weeks and wonder why I was upset in the first place FUCKER, YOU HELD THE MONEY I TOLD YOU I NEEDED, PAID BACK EVERYONE ELSE BESIDE THE ONE YOU CALLED YOUR SISTER AND THEN WENT AWAY FOR 2 WEEKS TO CELBRATE YOUR BIRTHDAY. I mean am I wrong for bein upset when people treat me like shit? Is it so fuckin wrong to close myself off to keep from gettin hurt? One person asked me why I felt people abandoned me after they heard my voice or met me in person. (These people see me fascinated and intrigued by me until I become tangible) I said I just don't know and maybe she could tell meonce she followed suit.... she left and I'm still waitin the answer. Maybe I'm too jaded. Maybe I'm too depressed. Too self-absorbed. How can I be anythin else when I give of myself and my generosity everyday to help others and not one person can reassure me that I'm not half bad? I'm not talkin bout bein seen as cute or sexy. I'm talkin bout bein appreciated, cared for and wanted

Must be my hormones. The reason I feel the way I do can't be that I actually feel this way. Must be because flo's here. Maybe it's because of the weather, maybe the moon's pull has this affect on me. What I see and observe don't matter. I'm told I'm wrong. Maybe I need to just calm down. Maybe I overthink. All I know is that. When I follow my instincts. I'm rarely wrong. When I start to feel neglected or ignored, that's when she usually walks away into the arms of the best thing that's ever happened to her. I was just what lead to that next great thing. All the words of cari

On a farm in upstate New York, there's an apple tree. This apple tree produces beautiful juicy, sweet Fuji apples. The sweetest juiciest apples came from this tree year after year. One season an apple began to form at the top of the tree. She was hugged by the sun and kissed by the rain. She loved home but longed for somethin more. She just needed The Hands to take her away like she saw happened to the apples. Everytime The Hands came she would puff out her chest and try to show as bright as ever. Each time she watched other apples taken in the Big Brown Thing and wondered where they went. The season began to change and get colder. It was almost time to go back to sleep for the year. She'd try again the next year. Well the Hands came one more time. Today was her day. No more sleepin durin the cold months. She'd live. The Fuji, puffed herself up and turned the brightest she could. She concentrated so hard that she didn't realize she shook the branch she called home. Finally she felt her stem break free. She thought "This is it. I'm goin to live. Find what what goes on beyond this tree". Unfortunately she wasn't picked by the Hands, she had fallen. She landed wit a soft plop on the ground below. Our lil Fuji just figured she was in the Big Brown Thing and let out a sigh of relief. She finally got what she wanted. She was trampled underfoot...