I look at all the "friends" I have. I look at all the "family" I have. Then i wounder why I face my life alone. I guess I'm not really alone. I do have 4 beautiful little girls to share it with. I just can't ask them to help me resolve issues or balance bills. Dealing with them is a chore within itself. I mean they are well behaved and all. Its just they are a major responsibility. I never knew what my mother meant when she told me kids are a BIG responsibility. I mean I knew they were work BUT never knew it was like this. I have 2 that take medication 2 times a day. ( one for ADHD and the other ODD and asthma) 1 that is on medication once a day. (for migraines) Then the other takes a prn. ( for asthma) 2 have choir that is state wide and they have rehearsal 2 times a week and have the concerts once every 2 weeks. Then the same 2 have ester class every Thursday. (training them to be christian women *cough*) The other 2 have awana every wed. (training them morals and respect the christian way *cough cough*) Then one has softball and band. Then there are sleep overs and parties and play dates. That is on top of regular Dr. visits and counseling for 2 of them. WOW there is more but tired of talking bout that. Well... To look at all that and realize I still have to work and take care of my home and ME. I do this all alone, completely alone. I am bi polar for those that don't know what that is PLEASE look at the prior posts. I have been through relationships, friendships, and have NO family. "Men" say they can handle my life and my kids and ME just to tuck tail and run. I don't expect anyone to take on my life for me. I don't expect anyone to "help" me. The only thing I truly ask is don't pretend you can when you know for a fact YOU CANT. It would take a man with ALOT of patients. He would have to be understanding and be able to tolerate my ignorance and insecurities. He would have to be COMPLETELY honest and OPEN with his feelings. In turn be able to handle my honesty and openness. My life is not hard. It is NOT chaos. It is NOT hell. Its just alot of work for ONE person. But ya know?? I am happy to do it alone. BC every person I have let into my life has brought more hurt and pain then we deserve. I do love, care, want , need, and deserve a man. Just afraid of the outcome. I am NOT a sex toy. (well maybe but NOT just that) I have feelings and strong emotions. I have other needs besides sex. I am not willing to settle for less then I deserve. I am not willing to just have sex with anyone BC I "need" it. I will wait for my love to eventually be here and well then he may never see light again. LMAO IF that time ever comes. I need a support system. I need someone that actually gives a damn. I need someone I can call in the middle of the night and say "HEY, I need to talk." Anyways enough ranting. OH and see I CAN SPELL. lmao This was all written BEFORE I found Frank...
