Hello and welcome to RANT TIME! Todays rant goes out to my girl KRISSA!!! (BECAUSE PEOPLE LIKE THIS ANNOY HER!)
This one goes out to all those mother fuckers who thinks constantly tanning and alternative tanning makes you look any hotter than what you are. So lets begin...
RANT TIME! Episode 6: ATTACK OF THE ORANGE PEOPLE!!!
So anyways KRISSA posted a comment on my last episode of RANT TIME! about how people use this alternative tanning shit to look hot...WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!?! Why is it absolutely necessary to fucking tan all the time to look good?! IT ISNT! In 5 fucking years or so, these tanning mother fuckers are going to have saggy ass skin that makes them look like old ladies...WAY TO GO...WAY TO GET RID OF ALL THE HOT GIRLS THAT US HOT DUDES COULD BE WITH. Not to mention, all these tanning people are more likely to get skin cancer because their fantastic idea to put UV RAYS ALL OVER THEIR SKIN...makes them look that much better. WHAT THE FUCK EVER... WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NATURAL BEAUTY?! Granted there are some "UGLY" (you are only as ugly as your personality in my opinon) mother fuckers out in this world (although they may have huge hearts..God Bless their souls...they'll be blessed with beauty some day), but at least they don't have to act like fake pieces of shit to be cool.
ANYWAYS back to they UV Rays thing... What happens if all of a sudden all tanning beds disappeared and the sun stopped showing itself half as often...are these tanning mother fuckers going to reverse the rays on their microwaves (I mean COME ON, they are radioactive waves too). Some crazy bitch is gonna lose her mind because she can't tan, and shes going to look like someone with leprecy. Get over it and start getting some self confidence. The media is only fucking with your head and putting ideas in your head of what "REAL BEAUTY" is. You want to know something about the media, they are about as reliable as the half assed movies they have been putting out for the past 10 or so years...Type casting and shit...but that will be saved for another time.
Anyways, back to the target of discussion. Now for those people who would lose their sun and their tanning beds...there still is that quick fix alternative of FUCKING OOMPA LOOMPA TANNING LOTION. WHY THE FUCK WOULD ANYONE WANT TO LOOK LIKE AN ORANGE POPSICLE, OOMPA LOOMPA?! I mean granted, OOPMA LOOMPA'S ARE FREAKING SWEET and Gene Wilder will live on in our hearts for the rest of your lives but HOLY SHIT you want to wear a fake tan to look good?! I DON'T THINK SO!!! You Orange Creme tanners might as well join the circus as the "L'orange trapeze." "Look at me, I got a tan!" NO YOU DON'T YOU JUST HAVE ORANGE SHIT ALL OVER YOUR BODY! THAT IS EVEN MORE DEPRESSING THAN those people who get plastic surgery to make them look like they have muscl....ok well maybe not that depressing....but its pretty damn sad. I think my point here is, next time you are going to consider tanning, do it naturally with the sun (DON'T USE OOMPA LOOMPA CREAM)...but don't do it to the point that you a white person who looks as black as a charbroiled steak....thats just pathetic...and if your black...uh well you don't really need to tan, you got the good looks already. (SICILIAN PRIDE!...if any of you dont get that comment...Sicily was conquered by an African tribe called the Moors, and they bread with the white inhabitants for many centuries and gradually you had white people with dark hair and dark eyes...SO SEXY!)
We'll that is all for tonight...RANT TIME Episode 3 next time!
PEACE!
P.S. The more idea's you input, the more I can output :)
P.S. I DON'T DISAGREE WITH THOSE PEOPLE WHO TAN NATURALLY. Consider those people who, just got to the beach and go swimming or go swimming at their own house, or are just playing outside at a picnic or something, tanning like that is great...cause its NATURAL!
