1460552's blog: "Randomness"

I know it's sudden, but as most of you know I've met a pretty amazing man on here... The stress of being so far away, and loving each other so much has taken it's toll on us... I am taking a break from Fu, not because he asked me to, but because I want to... I've fucked things up pretty bad and I want to make them right... I'm afriad if I don't, I'll be kicking myself in the ass later in life... Not only do I have that going on, but most of you know I'm a college student... My grades have been suffering and I need to get my priorities straight! Kids, School, Me, then him... I've worked too hard to delete my account, and I am leaving behind some AMAZING friends for a while, so I am gonna step away... I love each and every one of you as we've been through a lot... one thing I do promise you, is I will be back... I'm going to take this time also and enjoy the summer while NOT working and being a mom to my boys... So it may be a while, but know that I value each and every one of you and don't forget about me!! xoxox Kristina

On March 17, 2008 I lost a very dear family member that I held very high and very close to my heart... My grandmother had open heart surgery on my birthday, February 19th... Within 1 month, she passed away due to hospital neglect, major organ failure, and a bacterial infection... My aunt and I were on our way to Florida on March 16th to put her into a nursing home for a speedy recovery and transition back into home.... Little did we know the night before we left for Florida, she turned for the worst... We got to Florida about 4 in the morning and stopped to see her... She was on life support... Concious and aware of her surroundings... As I went to her, to hug her and to kiss her, I saw her eyes so large... so scared... so vulnerable... We promised we would be back the next morning... As I left a tear ran down her face... I told her I loved her... The hospital kept calling us all night to give us updates... my aunt and I were up by 9AM and at the hospital... When I walked into her room, she was no longer there... Her body was not functioning at all... They told us we had to make a decision... And if she regained conciousness, there's no way her organs would survive and she would not live a full healthy life in any way... We had no choice... My aunt and I decided, after much consideration with the doctor's that it was time to let my Ninnie go... My only grandmother I had had for the past 14 years... They took the tubes out of her... And they let us come into be with her lifeless body... I watched her take her last breath.... I held her hand, and cried as she passed on... And I will never forget that sound... Never forget the struggle... and each day I am so thankful that I am here... very thankful for what I have... I love my life and everything in it... Today I was coming home from classes... I've been listening to a lot more country lately, and this song came on... It reminded me so much of her... I started bawling in the car...And as I sit and type this, a tear is running down my face as well...

Seems like a good song for a good time in my life... I give up... :)

There's this guy... and he's FUCKING amazing... And he kinda stole my heart from me and won't give it back... Will you beat him up and get it back for me? Wait... He can keep it forever... It's so wierd, but I seriously think he could be the one... My other half... My soulmate... Is it possible that the pickiest woman has found the perfect man? That leads me to question everything about love... What is perfect for me? Have I been such a bitch to some really great guys?... Yeah I'm sure I have, but you know they were fucking losers and they deserved it... Ok that was harsh... But what exactly is love? How does one describe it? I think this one has slowly let me see the light... When looking back in my life, I've found that I've never actually experienced love and intimacy on any level... Just some caring here and there about another person, and some hardcore fucking... But like that's it... I honestly did not know what love was until I had both of my children... Can I find that same kind of unconditional love in a man's arms? There are so many questions that I still don't know and I'm not sure if I ever will know... But I know that he makes me look forward to finding out... I hope that he doesn't hurt me... I've been hurt before and I hope that he's different... If he's not, I just hope that he handles it with care... I'm scared... But it's something I soooooo need to get over... and just go with it... See where it takes me... See what happens between us... Give him my heart and hope he doesn't abuse it... Being scared isn't going to stop me... I haven't let anyone into my heart since my baby's daddy... And even then, it wasn't true love... It's was a commitment to be good parents and that's it... And no matter what a piece of me will always care about him because he is the father of my children... But it definitely was NOT love... Or well, my vision of love and what it should be... Yet this guy seems different... That leads me to the ultimate question of why the hell is Valentine's day so damn special? When in love, shouldn't EVERY day be like Valentine's day?? It's like a stupid social obligation or some shit... Guess I'll never understand it... guess I'm just bitching about it because he is there... and I am here... For now anyway... Guess I'll just sit in my own little world, take a few more shots of my favorite man Jack, and let the world (or him) pull me by the hair and HOLD THE FUCK ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! xoxo

I love this fuckin song!!

I hope you hang yourself with your H&M scarf While jacking off listening to Mozart You bitch and moan about LA Wishing you were in the rain reading Hemingway You don’t eat meat And drive electrical cars You’re so indie rock it’s almost an art You need SPF 45 just to stay alive You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys No you don’t even like No you don’t even like No you don’t even like boys You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys No you don’t even like No you don’t even like No you don’t even like… You’re so sad maybe you should buy a happy meal You’re so skinny you should really Super Size the deal Secretly you’re so amused That nobody understands you I’m so mean cause I cannot get you outta your head I’m so angry cause you’d rather MySpace instead I can’t believe I fell in love with someone that wears more makeup than… You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys No you don’t even like No you don’t even like No you don’t even like boys You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys No you don’t even like No you don’t even like No you don’t even like… You walk around like you’re oh so debonair You pull ‘em down and there’s really nothing there I wish you would just be real with me You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys No you don’t even like No you don’t even like No you don’t even like boys You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys No you don’t even like No you don’t even like Oh no no no no no no no You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys No you don’t even like No you don’t even like No you don’t even like boys You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys No you don’t even like No you don’t even like No you don’t even like… PENIS