Elizabeth502's blog: "Random Thoughts and Feelings"

Because of the freak windstorm we got (thanks Ike), I've been without electricity since Sunday. I'm over my friend's house so I could take a shower, watch some TV (amazing that I miss this), and get online. I have no idea when I'm going to get electricity back at my house. Because some of my neighbors have power, our grid is a lower priority.

Okay, so I haven't actually blogged in a while. I mean, I've posted lyrics and photos, stuff like that, but I haven't sat down and wrote out my thoughts and feelings and what I've been up to lately. So I tried to get back into college this semester. Unfortunately, I filled out the FASFA a little too late (KY says I'm eligible, but they gave away all the funds already). So even though I was accepted back into WKU (I miss that place so fucking much!), I have to wait until NEXT fall. Bummer. And because I was so focused on getting back into college, I wasn't down to get a job around Louisville if I was just going to move a hundred miles away. But because I'm sticking around here for another year, I've been putting in online applications for jobs like receptionist, administrative assistant, secretary, office assistant, etc., positions. I have had one interview, at a chiropractic office in J-Town (by Kroger and H.H. Gregg). The interview SUCKED. I mean SUCKED!!!! I waited there for almost an hour before I saw the doctor guy. There were crazy ass misbehaving kids acting like wild savages. If my sister and I had acted like that out in public at that age, we would have been whooped! And then the doctor only talked to me for less than 10 minutes. And he, of course, asked the dumb question: "Why do you want to work here?" Uh, duh!! I need a fucking paycheck and by the job description posted online, this seemed easy enough for me to do but not have it interfere with my life! That's why. But you can't say that, obviously. Prospective employers want to know that you care about working there. But when it comes to bullshit jobs like that, you just want the money it pays and not have it affect your life. So I'm basically down to my last 20, 30 dollars, which totally blows - I need $$ with a quickness. If I could sell my blood/plasma, I so would. But I have an iron deficiency, which means they won't take it for free, no less pay me for it. I've agreed to sell some of my old books (mostly Goosebumps and stuff) for some cash, but I'm not going to be getting much from them. I'm just glad that Camel sent me three coupons (all $1.50 off a pack) in the mail for cigarettes. Beggars cannot be choosers, you know?

There seems to be this pattern to my love life. I meet a funny, interesting, intelligent guy who I can talk and laugh with. The chemistry is great and there's all kinds of sparks. But once sex is involved, the guy becomes crazy or an asshole (or both) and I'm left with nothing but another failed attempt at finding some kind of companionship. It's the story of my life. Before December, I was celibate (by choice) for almost three years. And I can definitely see advantages to going back to not having sex. Because recently I've compromised my own sense of right and wrong, my own moral code. I've let my libido make decisions that contradicted my mind. It's made me question my judgment and I've started to re-evaluate my decision-making paradigm. So I think it's time to just stay away from sex until I can trust myself not to make stupid mistakes.

Thanks to Wikipedia, I thought I'd give you some information: Cellulitis is an inflammation of the connective tissue underlying the skin, that can be caused by a bacterial infection. Cellulitis can be caused by normal skin flora or by exogenous bacteria, and often occurs where the skin has previously been broken: cracks in the skin, cuts, blisters, burns, insect bites, surgical wounds, or sites of intravenous catheter insertion. The mainstay of therapy remains treatment with appropriate antibiotics. Skin on the face or lower legs is most commonly affected by this infection, though cellulitis can occur on any part of the body. Cellulitis may be superficial affecting only the surface of the skin but cellulitis may also affect the tissues underlying the skin and can spread to the lymph nodes and bloodstream. And that's what I have. Cellulitis. I was in the hospital from 3 a.m. Tuesday until almost 7 p.m. Thursday. It sucks that something so simple as a small infection could cause this. I hate being sick (not that I think anyone really likes it!) and this is just another sickness I have to deal with. I'm really glad to know it's not contagious. I tell you, it's fucking always something. It's like I'm always sick. This cellulitis shit has got to go. I'm tired of hospitals and doctors and pills. The only good thing about finding out I have cellulitis is knowing I'm not dying. I mean, in a sense, we're all dying... but when I realized I needed to go to the E.R. at 2 in the morning Tuesday, I thought the end was near and I was so scared. Before I knew what was wrong, my imagination was filling in the blanks and running away from me that I was seriously freaked.

I'm having a few issues... Boy issues. Sunday night (December 2), I hung out with a friend (his name is Justin) who I'm interested in. He's smart, funny, a great conversationalist, attractive. Totally my type... He expressed interest as well. And he has a girlfriend. He says he's been having problems and he doesn't think it's going to work out with her... he even let me send her a text message with his phone as him asking if they should still stay together, and she wrote back and pretty much said they were done... We made out. I mean, he started it, but I didn't say no... and until they are actually broke up, I'm racked with guilt over it. I don't want to be that girl, you know... the homewrecker or anything. And I do not play the "rebound chick" role. My heart isn't going anywhere any time soon. I've learned that lesson. It's just... he makes me laugh. And he makes me smile. And he's totally hot. At least I think so. I'm just dumb. I overanalyze every thing and make things more complicated than they are or need to be. I'm just gonna have to see where all this goes.

I recently became a Interview Journalist for the online publication Metal Monthly. They just posted some of the interviews I have done with some people. So check it out: www.metalmonthly.com Here's a list of the artist interviews I have done: Sylvya of Scarlet Sins Eirin of Where Angels Fall Roxy Petrucci of Roktopuss Joanna of Magdalene and Kimberly and Tony under "Hot Metal People"

It's refreshing to talk to someone who actually has an opinion and a point of view that you can share... I get tired of all the "hi, what's up?" questions, you know? All the "what are you doing, how's it going, what are you up to?" bullshit questions that they aren't even interested in hearing the answer to... I mean, most guys I've talked to online want to turn everything I say into something sexual. I like flirting, hell I love it, but flirting isn't always talking about sex. It's about making each other laugh and being a little provocative, not sleazy. It's about getting a good vibe off the person and making a connection.

Although I agree that there are girls out there who don't know their worth and end up with dumb asshole boyfriends, there's guys out there who waste their time with skanky bitches too... I'm tired of healing a man's emotional wounds and watch him walk away to get some more from his ex. I'm tired of being Nurse Nightingale. I'm tired of giving my all and receiving less than half in return. I was my ex's emotional band-aid. And I don't deserve to be put in that role. I can't lie and say there's things I had with him that I don't miss. The closeness and comfortability. The quick little smiles exchanged, holding hands under a table, being held in his arms. But I don't miss him anymore. It's been over a year since we broke up. Some days it feels like a lifetime ago and others it still feels like yesterday.

My life seems doomed. For the past 5 weeks or so, I've been experiencing some suck ass shit. My job, car, cell phone, and now computer have all pretty much gone kaput. I lost my job at the call center I was working at back in June. Last month I started a new job as an administrative assistant. It lasted a week and a day. I guess that's all it took for them to believe it wasn't going to work out.... I have no fucking idea what went wrong. I wasn't rude or dumb or slow. I just hadn't learned everything yet. I mean, you can't know EVERYTHING about a job you've worked at for only six days. My cell phone has been acting funny. The charger decided to stop working. Thankfully, I have a car charger that I can use. But I don't know if it's the battery or the charger part of the phone, but it doesn't keep a charge for very long at all. I charged my phone all the way earlier today and already (without me using it and I just received one missed call), it's lost 1/3 of the battery charge. WTF?? I need to go to Cingular (I know it's AT&T now but I still call it Cingular) and get them to fix it or give me a new phone or something, but I can't get there because of my next big problem... Last month, the Friday after I got fired (which was on a Monday), I was in a car accident. The people had to have been flying because they flipped over. According to the police report, it was my fault and they were going under, around, or at the speed limit and I hit them... I did say I hit them at the time of the accident because I was distraught and completely hysterical!! But my car didn't sustained all the much damage considering. And I still haven't gotten my car fixed. And now, today, my computer decides to not turn on. It's plugged in and everything seems to be working... but the PC tower. It just won't turn on. All my files are on that computer. Movies, pictures, songs, poetry, resume, random shit - it's all there. And no way to retrieve it. And to top it all off, I have absolutely no money to get ANYTHING fixed. I mean, after all, I have no job. I just wish life would give me a chance to catch my breath before it knocked it out of me again.

I was in a car accident on Friday. I was turning left from my road to the main one and these guys in this Explorer hit me and flipped over onto the roof of their SUV. My car sustained some damage to the passenger side front bumper and on the hood (passenger side as well) but their vehicle was pretty much totaled. One guy had to go to the hospital and get checked out (both police officers and EMTs told me he was fine) and the other guy didn't speak English. I think they were just flying down Blue Lick Rd for them to flip over after impact. I mean, my air bag didn't even deploy and it's still drivable (other than the embarrassing body damage). So now, until I get my car fixed, I'm pretty much stuck at home. Unless I can talk someone into driving to the south end of Louisville to come rescue me for a bit. I'll let you know about any updates. But I'm still pretty shook up from the whole incident. But fucking hell, can't life give me a chance to catch my breath before it knocks it out of me again and again? I just need a damn break.