Silver Diamond's blog: "Random Shit"

“Now that you're with the Band”

By Silver Diamond

Ok, so you finally nailed that hot guitar player from the band you've been stalking for the past year. Awesome. Now IF, and I'm using that word cautiously, IF he decides you are worth keeping around for more than just a weekend romp, here are a few guidelines you should know and follow if you plan to be a part of his Rock and Roll lifestyle. The more you adhere to these guidelines, the longer you will last in the game. And in case you have any doubts, I have been in this game more years than even I care to remember, I have been both a band girlfriend and wife. I have been there done that, so heed my word if you wish to survive in this business.

Guideline #1: YOU ARE NOT A GROUPIE!

Don't act like one. Groupie is what you were while you were stalking him. You have him now, time to let him do to the rest of the fans, what he did for you. This is his job, wherever the gig, that's his work place. Acting like a slut, or a crazed bitch will only make you obsolete, quickly. Hanging on him at the gig just looks desperate and needy.

Guideline #2: YOU ARE NOT A ROADIE!

It is not your responsibility or obligation to load or unload his equipment. I know you think you are just helping, or trying to move it along quicker, but in actuality, you are just hindering the process. The guys know their own equipment, they know how to pack it. They have been doing it for years (probably). Besides being a hindrance, it reflects badly on you AND the band.

Sometimes, not always, and by no means often, but sometimes, there is a chance that there could be a record executive, manager, or other big wig of the music business in the crowd. If that person sees you either acting like a skanky groupie, or messing with equipment, then that is how they will view you. As the help. First impressions are HUGE in this business. And anyone connected to the band are subject to their scrutiny. The music business is more ruthless than any other and no one wants to hire/sign a band with drama attached. Always act professional.

Guideline #3: WHILE THE BAND IS ONSTAGE-HE'S SINGLE!!

This is one of the main reasons a relationship with a band member is tough. Getting over the jealousy issue. This is a MUST if you are to continue with the relationship. You need to remember that the same image that turned you on, also turns on other women. On the stage, he is the fantasy rock-star of every woman in the crowd. Let them have their fantasy as you had yours. Do not cause a scene because you saw some girl throw her lace panties, with her cell number written in sharpie in the crotch, on stage, and right into the face of YOUR man. That's Rock and Roll. Those girls are just doing all the same shit you were doing. Being adoring fans. Leave them alone. Keep in mind, at the end of the night, after the gig, after the after hours, he is coming home to you. Or with you.

Guideline #4: IN BETWEEN SETS, HE BELONGS TO THE FANS!

In between sets is when he needs to network, or work the crowd. It is the way they promote other gigs, their band, and basically keep the fans on a personal level. Having you hanging on him, does not help the band. No matter how hot you are. You should also be working the crowd as a personal public relation assistant. Get feedback, hand out fliers to future gigs, but above all, be professional, not skanky. You could even introduce yourself around as his girlfriend, but don't be a stuck up bitch about it. Be friendly, approachable, shake hands firmly. Remember, this is his place of business. Act accordingly.

Guideline #5: LEARN YOUR ALCOHOL/DRUG LIMIT!!

There is nothing worse than a sloppy, belligerent drunk ass bitch. This probably reflects the worse on the band. The band and crew might get sloshed beyond control, but, in the music biz, sadly, that's the norm. In a way, it's kind of expected. What is NOT the norm is to see the girlfriend puking and passed out, or starting stupid drunk fights with girls that admired her man. This type of behavior is unacceptable and ridiculous and SO not lady like OR classy. Learn your damn limit, or be the designated driver. I have seen fans leave shows because the band girlfriend/wife was making a fool of herself. At the very least, save your alcohol consumption until the after hours party. Unless of course, said party is at the home of a record executive.

Guideline #6: WHAT HAPPENS ON THE ROAD, STAYS ON THE ROAD.

This is an extremely gray area when it comes to wives of band members. My best advice for the married ones is to communicate with your partner what is acceptable. That has to be between the married couple. I have known open couples, and monogamous couples.

As far as the girlfriends, I wish there was an easier way of putting this, but, seriously, what happens on the road, WILL stay on the road. Most musicians have sort of an unwritten code and most women are not privy to the code, nor is it likely that they ever will. You can communicate your feelings to your partner, but the code has been in existence since the beginning of time. Pretty much all you can do in this case is hope and pray he plays safe and doesn't bring anything home. (std's, not other women, cuz that might be fun! Lol)

Guideline #7: PAY YOUR OWN WAY IN.

Besides being presumptuous, it is extremely rude to assume you will get into every one of his gigs for free. There will be many times that the band is only allowed a certain number of people on their guest list, or, quite possibly, no guest list. It is up to the individual band member to decide who he wants to allow on the guest list. If he puts you on, great, party on. But never assume that just because you are with the band, that that is a guaranteed free entry into the gig. A lot of times, the band is playing for what the door brings in, so it is to yours and his advantage when you pay the cover. Paying cover is also a way for venue owners to judge what kind of a crowd the band draws. The bigger number at the door, the better. This could mean getting rehired at that venue. Low numbers are a venue owners reason for finding another band. This is not always the case, but it does happen. The only people that should get in for free is the band, crew, sponsors, or investors. And NEVER use HIS drink tickets for your own consumption. Those drink tickets are a part of his pay, sort of a tip if you will. Remember, this is his place of employment. Not yours. Conduct yourself as you would at your own place of business. Be respectful. I can not stress this enough.

Do NOT be the reason the band breaks up. The second you begin to start making him choose between you and his music, will be the beginning of your way out. As a new girlfriend or wife of a band member, it is your job to encourage him. To give positive reinforcement. Not to make it miserable for him. He is doing what he loves to do. Playing music. You should never, ever be the thing to bring it all crashing down.