EmpressOfDarkness's blog: "ramblings"

As I sit here, watching the girls putter around the house doing their own thing, I remember. I think back to when I was their age and hoping I would grow up and be able to do all the things that grown ups do. Although, I had no clue as to what it was. It just seemed a whole lot cooler than the things I was allowed to do at the time. Now I think back and wish I hadn't been in such a rush. Riding around on my hot wheels, playing 'She Ra' or hide and seek with the kids on the street. Going from one house to another, watching tv or in the neighbors pool. So much less to worry about back then. No internet, had to rely on ourselves for entertainment. Listening for mom and dad to walk down the hall late at night, while 'pretending' to be asleep and sneaking a peek at whatever late night show was on the tele. Here I am, an adult at last. At least that's what the laws say and I am wishing for the times when the biggest thing I had to worry about was whether or not my homework was done or whether I was hanging out with my BFF. An afternoon at the mall would go on for a lifetime back then as we'd laugh at all the grownups rushing around to do one errand or another, yet still wishing I was part of that exclusive group. Wanting to belong. Now I have children, the ages of what I was when I wanted to be all grown up. I look into their eyes and pray that they don't want to be adults. Just stay for the few precious moments they have as innocent children. Laugh and play, savoring every second they can to 'live' without worry, without guilt, without the responsibilities that are thrust upon us far before we're ready for them. Looking around the city now, compared to how it was in my youth, I feel sad for the younger generation. As much as I would love to protect their innocence, there are those who think nothing of destroying it. Sure we had to worry about bullying when we were in school. Although it's nothing like it is today. Now we have to worry about guns, knives, violence breeding violence within the school systems. No escaping it, just praying that not only do they survive it, but they aren't scarred because of it. I would love to hold my girls close and protect them from the terrors of today. I know however, that's not possible. They have to spread their wings and explore who they are and who they will become. I just hope I'm sane enough to survive it a second time.