EmpressOfDarkness's blog: "More stories etc"

Living in a small town certainly had its share of ups and downs. Everyone knowing everything about you, sometimes even before you could figure them out was definitely not one of the highlights of my existence. This morning though, I was determined to prove otherwise. Ushering my two youngest children into the beat up pick-up was not the way they had planned on spending their Saturday morning. If I would have known what to expect, I may have chosen to do things much more different. At least I hoped so.

The rain was beating down so fiercely that the wipers could barely keep up. The petty squabbling between my girls was making the small headache I had woken with start to feel like a mini explosion behind my right eye. I knew at any moment I was going to turn into my mother and the dreaded words were going to tumble from my mouth as they always had from her whenever we went on an errand. “If you don't stop right now, when we get to the store you can park your behinds here in the car!”

I didn't want to turn into my mother, even knowing there were times when I slipped and things she said while I was growing up came pouring from my lips. I was determined to keep my temper in check. So I did what I thought was best, I cranked the stereo to an oldies station and began singing loudly and off-key. That quickly made the girls stop their arguing and the begging began.

“Mom!” Corrine whined. She was my youngest. At 13 she thought she owned the world and that everyone just had to fall into place. “Turn it down!”

“We can't talk over the music!” Heather, my 15 year old, chimed in.

“That would be the whole point!” I grumbled, pausing my singing. “Now if you two would like to find a way to get along, I will gladly change the channel. If not... I can always continue.”

“No!” They cried in unison.

“We'll be good. I swear it.” Corrine finished.

A slow smile crossed my lips but I quickly smothered it before the girls caught on to what I was doing. If it brought me a few moments of peace, it was well worth it. “Another couple of minutes and we'll be there.” Glancing out the window, I noted that we would shortly be passing the abandoned military base that still stood between my home and the next small town.  

to be continued...

The knock on the door was unexpected. Peering through the peephole, she could see the man running his fingers through his hair, then he breathed into his hand. Rolling her eyes at the sight, she opened the door. “Can I help you?”

“I am your new neighbor from down the hall.” He pointed to his door.

“Yes?” she sounded abrupt, not used to dealing with unknown people at the door.

“I just wondered if maybe you'd like to go for a drink sometime.”

She looks over her shoulder at her kids in the apartment. Oh yeh, I get so much time for that. Turning back to the gentleman at the door, she caught a whiff of alcohol on his breath. Instantly her stomach turned. “Thanks, but that's not possible.” Knowing how people can be when they're drinking, she kept one hand on the door and tried to make her retreat.

“Well maybe another time.”

“Uh, yeah, maybe. I have to go.” The crash in the hall pulled her attention from the door.

“Sure, no problem.”

Closing the door and slipping the lock into place, she took a deep breath in and out grateful that was over. Instead of being upset over the broken toy in the hall that caused her easy escape, she felt a much better 'punishment' should be dealt.

“Girls! Front and center,” she said from the kitchen.

The pounding of six feet echoed through the hall. “Yes mom?” They each looked at her with angelic eyes and completely innocent stares.

“I'm not going to yell. Not even going to get upset. All I'm going to say is I want it cleaned up and the first one done gets to pour the sprinkles on their ice cream first.”

“Ice cream!” came the unison cry. Away they ran to clean up.

While dishing out the dessert, she went over the quick conversation at the door. She knew he'd given his name but for the life of her she couldn't remember it. Then one gnawing thought crept through. “How'd he know which apartment I lived in?” She'd never even seen him in the building before. She also knew her name wasn't on the board in the lobby, for privacy and protection. The anonymity made her feel better, usually.

The rest of the evening passed uneventfully, until she was getting ready for bed. The knocking on the door was loud and insistent. She rushed to the door to keep it from waking her children. Without thinking, she pulled the door open. “Who the hell?” She was ready to argue with whomever was on the other side. Instead, she froze. It was the guy from down the hall. “You realize it's almost midnight?”

“I just wanted to see you.”

“It's almost midnight,” she repeated.

“It is?” He weaved on his feet. The scent of alcohol she had caught earlier had been increased about a dozen times. He smelt like a brewery.

Looking at him with disgust, she gritted her teeth. “What do you want?”

“I just got home.”

“And?”

“I wanted to know if you wanted to come over.”

“My kids are sleeping and you're drunk.”

“I'm fine, I'm fine.” He almost fell into the wall.

“Oh yeah, you're fine. You need to go home and sleep it off. Good night.” Not waiting on a reply she slammed the door and locked it. Her heart pounded in her chest. People as a general rule upset her. This situation brought back all the fears she felt from her abusive ex husband. Without thinking she went to the dining room table and grabbed a chair , propping it under the door jam for extra insurance. Then she went to bed, with the thought of , 'How'd he get my apartment number?' echoing through her mind. 

to be continued...

Right now I have to walk my kids to school. Normally they're bused but they have a policy that states when you reach a certain grade you have to live outside of a certain distance in order to take the bus. Otherwise you have to wait for an empty seat (which is what I must do.) Anyway, I walked my girls to school this morning as I have every morning and on the way home I dealt with the stupidest male on the planet or the most ignorant (not sure which yet, maybe both).

So here I was walking down the sidewalk at 8 in the morning, wearing jogging pants, my favorite hoodie and using my cane. Uber sexy attire at 8 in the morning I know. I still wasn't fully awake because as far as I'm concerned, conversation of the verbal kind should not occur before noon if you want to be coherent. 

At the crosswalk a red pickup truck pulls to the corner, blocking my way. So I do the nice thing (instead of what I really wanted to do which was curse him out for being an idiot and nearly hitting a woman with a stroller. not me, another pedestrian) Luckily she made it the rest of the way across the road before things got really interesting.  Anyway, so I smile at the driver indicating that he can go ahead and I'll cross when he's gone. Does he move? No! Instead, he rolls down his window and asks, "Are you working?" 

The first thought that went through my mind was, 'Working what? I'm waiting to cross the street you observant moron.' However, I actually said, "Do I look like I'm working?" I mean cripes, I know prostitutes in my area don't want to be noticed but since when is jogging pants and a hoodie attractive hookerwear? 

He stared at mean and I continued, "WTF dude? i'm standing here in jogging pants, a hoodie and walking with a fucking cane! maybe... if i was dressed like a hooker, walked like a hooker and actually WAS a hooker i might sleep with your sorry ass, even then you couldn't afford me." 

Promptly he sped off and I laughed the entire way home thinking just how stupid some people are. 

I stretched, and looked out the window that was right next to my bed. My reflection caught me off guard at first, the piercing gray eyes that had meant pain for so many. My appearance was deceiving, how many times had I heard the words, 'What a beauty?' Only to have someone get too close and...

I couldn't bear to think of it. Tonight I would start fresh, tonight wouldn't be the same as it had been. I was going to turn over a new leaf. I wasn't going to hurt another living soul. Slowly, I climbed out of bed, my legs protesting loudly as they moved to start another night.

"How can you sleep so much?" I looked around the empty room. There was no reply, not even the echo of my voice comforted me.

"You are a monster!" I exclaimed. "How can you live with yourself knowing what you've done?"

I made my way to the kitchen. The rest of the house was a wreck. There were scratches down the walls, broken dishes, and glass lying everywhere, furniture was overturned. The whole place looked as if it should have been abandoned after a natural disaster. Yet, here I stayed. It was the only place I had ever known, and I couldn't bring myself to leave. I went to the fridge; the door was lying half off its hinges.

"Damn it! There's no milk," I cursed quietly.

I knew I would have to go out, but I was afraid if I did...

Sighing, I got ready to leave. I walked slowly to the front door and peered through the window. There was no one around, thankfully. I went out into the night air.

It wasn't cold yet, but it was coming. The breeze that blew in from the window made me shiver. I could feel a dull ache deep in my bones. I crept down the sidewalks, making certain to keep to the shadows. I walked passed house after house, if anyone saw me, most would either walk by without a word. If they didn't do that, they would stop and tell me how beautiful I was.

I knew it and didn't mind. What could I say? It wasn't as if they were wrong.

There was a squeaking noise behind me, at first I jumped in surprise. I turned slowly to see who was there.

"Oh, it's you," I said coldly.

"You were expecting someone else?" came the curt reply.

"Shouldn't you be finding some house to disturb?" I asked.

"Then I wouldn't be here, with you," he said.

"I'm in no mood for games." I turned away. Lights flickering on overhead caught my attention. The way the shadows danced over the sidewalk were quite distracting.

"I bet you are," came the sneaky response.

I turned back, my eyes flashed. I was angry that not only was he still here bothering me, but he distracted me from a shimmering light that bounced off a nearby store window.

"You know what I'm capable of. It's best you leave me alone." I glared.

"Yes, I've heard." He circled me. "You merely have to exit the door and there is fear in the streets."

"Then you should listen to that fear," I said smartly.

"Where is the fun in that?" He took a playful swipe at my arm.

"I'm warning you..." I threatened.

"Warn away, sweet one. You'll no more harm me than you would an annoying fly," he said, sounding cocky.

"Oh? Why is that?" My eyes never left his slender frame.

"We are the same you and I," he said.

"I don't agree," I took a step closer.

"Now, now," he said. "There is no need to be testy."

"Just leave me alone." I backed away.

"Ah, perhaps it is you who has become nothing more than a frightene little mouse?" he asked. "A leopard cannot change its spots so why try?"

"Why do you antagonize me? If you get me angry, you know what will happen." I was close to tears. "I have somewhere I need to be."

"I'm not antagonizing you, as you call it. I am merely playing. That is what I do." He smiled, slapping my arm. After that, he walked away.

My pride was hurt, there was no way I was going to let him get away with that. I screamed, pouncing onto his back. Together we fell to the ground.

"No one speaks to me in such a way!" I cried out.

He tried to protest but nothing came from his mouth.

I felt his flesh tear under my nails and it felt wonderful. I bit him and could feel the blood seep through my teeth, filling me. It tasted both bitter and sweet at the same time.

He was smaller than I, which made me feel more powerful.

"You should have had more respect," I said, as I heard his neck snap. Without another word, I swallowed loudly. "No damn mouse will get the better of me!"

I walked on down the street until I heard the chiming of a door.

"Hey beautiful, what are you doing out so late?" Came the sweet call of the store clerk that I knew so well.

I looked up into his happy face.

"Let me guess, you're here for milk," he said.

I felt my body vibrating in anticipation. He was so kind to me. The door chimed twice more and milk was brought out for me. With a ruffle of my head, he walked back inside.

I quickly went to work on the milk, drinking it slowly and savoring its fresh, cool taste. When I was finished the door chimed one last time. The store clerk had returned.

He leaned down and slid his hand over my back. I had to admit it felt nice. I looked up at him expectantly.

"I got this for you." He placed a package beside me.

I looked from him to the label, grabbed the bag and ran off into the night. I heard his pleasant laughter follow me. As I got back into my home I put the package down again. "Catnip," it read. Oh I was one lucky girl. Not everyone hated me for the menace I was.

 

the end

She stared in the mirror for the longest time. Tilting her face from side to side, hoping for some recognition, but it was slow in coming. Her hair fell, as it always did, around her shoulders. Her lips were still full and a held smile that opposed how she felt was on them. Her slender nose which had a tendency to wrinkle when she talked, her cheekbones which always looked as if she had applied the right amount of blush, even when she wore none. These were all the same… Her eyes… It was something with her eyes that were different, she realized. They were the same hazel color that seemed to change depending on what she wore. It was more than that though. More than the color, it was the depth. Her eyes betrayed her and told of a world beyond them. One that was just out of her reach. Watching her from the shadows, there was a smirk upon his lips. He could see the confusion in her expression and instead of concern, he was pleased. The work he had put into this was too much. There was no way he was willing to give up now. No longer did he care if she thought something was going on. This was his one and only chance to be free. He wasn’t going to back down, and if she thought otherwise, he would show her just how serious he was. Shaking her head, she tried to clear the questions that seemed to fall upon her. Reaching to the mirror, she placed a hand slowly on the glass as if reassuring herself it was real. She felt as if she were walking around in a fog that just wouldn’t lift. She couldn’t explain what was going on but a fear deep within made her worried. She couldn’t tear her eyes from the mirror. It seemed to hold the secrets she was looking for. Will I be able to see it if I look hard enough? she wondered. He knew she could feel his presence, no matter how hard he tried to hide. She was stronger than those before her, he would give her that. He just wasn’t sure what to do about it, at least not yet. He wanted her to know why he chose her, but it wasn’t the right time. He could wait. He would wait. Then she would know the truth, she would know everything. He needed the one thing she had that he didn’t. He wanted her to cower, her strength to weaken. He felt more alive than he could ever remember feeling. Even the air around him felt charged with the energy she gave off. Finally able to look from the mirror, she turned to leave. A flicker of a shadow crossed her vision and she froze. There was something almost familiar about it, but that was impossible, she was alone. Looking around the room confirmed this. As she was leaving the bathroom, she shivered and her stomach tightened as the feeling something was about to happen overtook her. Grabbing onto the door, she paused, unable to move. She couldn’t shake the feeling she wasn’t alone. Looking across the hall into her room, she could clearly see there was no one there. “You’re being silly,” she told herself. “Stop being a pansy.” She hadn’t been this jumpy in a long time. Not since… She shook her head, not letting her mind go there. It was still too fresh, too painful. She looked down at her arms; the burns were finally starting to heal. She hid them as if ashamed of the memories they held. “You were a fool once, but not again,” she said to the empty house. “Those burns are the last of your worries,” he whispered, sneering at her. He noticed how she pulled her hands deep within her sleeves. It pleased him to know he still had an effect on her. He remembered the night he burned her. He had been out on a job. One of his boys told him his ol’ lady was messing around. He rushed home to find her alone. The anger was consuming him. He had taken the pot of water she was boiling and threw it. The scream that escaped her lips was nothing he hadn’t heard before. He glared at her; the look said he wasn’t happy with her defiance. She knew better. She should have kept her mouth shut, taken whatever punishment he deemed fit to inflict. It wasn’t the first time she had to be shown the error of her ways, and he knew it wouldn’t be the last. Hatred filled him. He wanted her to pay. It was going to be slow and extremely painful. This was going to be something she never forgot. The glint in his eye and the spring in his step told of his excitement. From his vantage point, he could see the entire room. It was just as he thought it would be… pathetic, blue everywhere. It was her favorite color. He scowled as he remembered her trying to convince him to let her decorate. She practically begged him, but he wouldn’t buckle. She would know who was boss… “I am,” he whispered, wringing his hands together. She didn’t know why she felt light on her feet. It was an oddly mixed feeling of being comfortable and uncomfortable at the same time. She was quite confused. She gazed around her living room as she entered. A golden glow adorned the room from the windows. It was sunset and it cast a fluttering light across the floor. It seemed to dance to an unheard tune. The light hit the furnishings and made a distinct hue in the room. She liked this time of day the best. It reminded her that things were different now… very different. She was safe. He didn’t like how she defied him. So much had changed in such a short time, but she would pay. If she thought she was in hell before, she would soon find out just how far off she was. The price for disobedience was high. His boys could attest to that. There was no room for someone who couldn’t play by the rules… his rules. He ran his hand roughly over the lampshade, glaring at it. It wouldn’t take much, he thought. A simple slice with his blade and that would be the end of it. She would know it didn’t belong and she would know why. He toyed with the thought for a few minutes, and then decided he would wait and see. Let her unease build, let her worry… then let her be afraid. She frowned. the feeling that she wasn’t alone returned. It was so strong it felt like she was going to be consumed. “W-who’s there?” she called out, looking around the room warily. The dancing shadows played tricks on her eyes. A couple of times she jumped, wringing her hands together tightly. The nervousness returned, bringing with it the feeling that something was very wrong. There was no reason she could think of for the fear. Her past was buried, like so many other things were, in a place that was best left forgotten. She heard no reply, and continued on her way. Her heart wouldn’t stop pounding in her chest. No matter how many times she tried to convince herself everything was alright, she felt as if it was a lie. He almost blew it by giving himself away. Patience was never his strong suit and he knew it had a tendency to get him in trouble. One time a few years back, it had almost gotten him killed. He squeezed by, barely. If it wasn’t for his boys, he wouldn’t be here now. He knew that as well as he knew his own name. At the time, there was a huge deal going down. It was one of the largest of his career. One wrong move and things could have gone horribly wrong. If things went well, he wouldn’t have to worry about anything for a long, long time. Things did go wrong. Someone tipped off the exact people he didn’t want to know and because of that… a couple of his boys were shot. He was lucky to get away with his life. The deal fell through. If it wasn’t for his natural ability to sweet talk people, he could have lost out. Then he would have been really angry. That was her fault too. If she would have kept her mouth shut… the rage burned at him, making him tingle. He shook with the force of his emotions, and tried to calm himself. He didn’t want to give anything away, at least not until he was ready. She turned on the light in her dining room; it chased away the dancing sunset and the shadows. She was reassured in the glow of the florescent bulbs hanging from her ceiling fan. “Fresh air will help,” she said, trying more to convince herself than anything else. Reaching into the closet for her jacket, she pulled her fingers back as if she had been burned. A nervous chuckle escaped her lips and she chastised herself for being foolish. There was no Boogeyman in the closet. No one was going to reach out and slit her throat. She had been through hell, but that was over. Nothing was going to hurt her again. She put her jacket on but left it open as a deep feeling of claustrophobia overcame her. She couldn’t breathe and felt like the entire room was closing in on her. The way to the lobby was too far, and she wasn’t sure this feeling would pass. She walked to the balcony, the hem of her skirt brushing at her knees. On the way, she brushed her hand over the shade of her lamp. An intense feeling of hatred for it filled her. She didn’t know where it was coming from but she suddenly loathed her once favorite blue lamp. It couldn’t stay, she realized with surprise. Instead of merely throwing it out like most people did, she ripped the cord from the wall and brought it with her. Peering over the balcony railing, she wavered for a moment. She hated heights and rarely came out here, but the overwhelming desire to rid her home of it was stronger. She held the table lamp over the ledge by the cord and let it slide slowly through her fingers. The roughness of the cord burned her palm. In her surprise, she released it and heard it crash to the parking lot below. After it was gone, she realized that wasn’t what she wanted to do. Her fingers shook, and she stared in disbelief as she looked again over the ledge at what she had done. She had spent a lot of money on that lamp. It had taken her months to find just the right one. “Why the hell did I do that?” she asked shakily, taking a step backward and bringing her quivering hands to her lips as if that would make everything better. She didn’t feel in control anymore and she worried she wouldn’t be again. When she reached into the closet, he was tempted to take control of the situation but he knew he couldn’t. Instead, he watched as she reached for her coat, a rueful smile upon his lips. He could, however, feel her fear. He felt it when she pulled her hands from the closet. He knew she sensed him, and that was alright. She could feel him all she wanted to. There wasn’t a damn thing she could do to stop him, but that was her problem… not his. The look on her face, as she put her jacket on, was almost priceless. How this was affecting her was almost worth the price he had paid, almost but not quite. When she yanked the cord from the wall, he was a little surprised. He wasn’t expecting such strength from her. Her stalling, or what he thought was her stalling, filled him with an anger unlike anything he had ever felt before. It was so intense his hands were shaking from the sheer force. “Drop it,” he whispered. “Drop it now!” He watched as the cord singed the once soft skin of her palm. His anger faded when he saw the pain in her eyes, replacing it was a deep satisfaction. He could see the contempt for her once favored lamp. His sly grin shifted into an impressed smirk. In that moment, he knew he was still in control. Whether she would ever admit to it or not, he knew. This could work to my advantage, he thought contemptuously. Bringing his hands to his mouth, he rubbed his scruffy chin; the laughter he felt building inside made him shake slightly. From this height there were so many possibilities, but in his line of work… he knew good things came to those who wait. Besides, he knew he would have a lot more fun watching her squirm if he waited just a little bit longer. He was so close he could almost taste her. The sweet scent of her perfume almost made him sick to his stomach. Well, that will have to go, he thought. It thrilled him to see he had control over the situation. He wanted it gone, so it left… that’s the way it always was. That’s the way it would always be. He watched as she walked uneasily into the apartment. Soon… he thought. The air in the apartment was heavy; it felt like she was suffocating. Slamming the balcony door behind her, she practically ran to the front of the apartment. She had to get away… be anywhere but here. That didn’t make sense to her though. This was her home, her sanctuary. She should feel safe here, not that the walls were going to collapse around her. Tightening her jacket, she made her way to the lobby and outside. Once she was away from her home, she was able to breathe again. In the crisp night air, she was able to feel alive again. Ever since he disappeared, she was paranoid. It got to the point where she was terrified to go outside. Now here she was… outdoors and it felt safer than her home. He watched her slip through the crowd. He wasn’t worried. He knew exactly where she was going, where she always went. It was the same routine when she was upset. She’d leave the house, go to the newspaper stand at the corner of the street, and then head to the coffee shop and order a cappuccino or whatever the hell those fancy crap drinks were that she would drink. He watched her hand the man at the newspaper stand some money. Smiling to himself, he saw her hand was shaking some. She was still scared. This pleased him a lot. He saw her head down the street with her newspaper under her arm, but she didn’t head to the coffee shop. She headed to a restaurant down the block. Raising his eyebrow, he paid closer attention to find out just what she was doing. The feeling she was being watched intensified not long after she left the apartment. She knew she wouldn’t be able to follow her usual routine but had no idea what she should actually do. Instead, she let her feet lead the way. With every step, she became more positive there was someone nearby… watching? Waiting? Listening? She wasn’t sure. She headed into a restaurant, without even looking at the name of the place. Looking around inside, she felt self conscious and under dressed. She had stepped into one of the fanciest restaurants in the city. She gazed down at her feet, her sandals completing her ensemble and intensifying how insecure she felt. I should have paid more attention, she chastised herself for the second time that day. The Maitre D’ approached her. She had a look of what he could only assume was panic on her face. He glanced around the nearly deserted restaurant and smiled pityingly at her. He led her to a table in the corner and brought her a menu. She smiled gratefully at him. She wasn’t sure what else to do. She couldn’t stop shaking. Grasping the glass of water, she nearly spilled it. He sat quietly sipping his water, his hand shaking slightly from the excitement he felt. He never felt more close to her than he did right at this moment. He could put his hands to her throat and wrap his fingers tight, squeezing the life out of her. The thought of it excited him even more, so much so that he nearly jumped out of his seat. One word and she will be a nervous wreck. She would panic. He could see it in her eyes. She looked like a deer caught in the headlights. He was pleased. The longer she sat there the more overwrought she became. He couldn’t help but laugh. Yes, he thought. Now is the time I’ve been waiting for. Now I will have my revenge! “Hello, April,” he said softly. She spun around in her seat, her eyes wide. She must have imagined it. The restaurant was nearly deserted and there was no one she recognized. She turned back to the table, positive her paranoia was playing tricks on her. There wasn’t anyone there. She played nervously with her napkin that she had spread across her lap. Again she heard her name and she knew for certain this time she wasn’t hearing things. Someone was here… Someone who knew her… “Who’s there?” she called, her voice shaking. Her hands were trembling so hard that she dropped the napkin on the floor. Leaning over to pick it up, she heard her name a third time. What the hell is going on? she wondered. Getting back up, she banged against the bottom of the table. “Shit,” she muttered, rubbing the back of her head. “That smarts.” She stood from the table and looked around. There was no one here she knew. She was positive. Her eyes grazed the room searching for the familiar voice. As the goose bumps rose on her arms, from behind she felt the first push. He used as much brute force as he could in that push. She could be rather stubborn at times, he knew. The thrill it gave him was worth it. Everything was going to happen so fast now, he could feel it. The air seemed charged with an unseen energy, but it appeared to be feeding him as well. “Now, now April, it hasn’t been that long, has it?” he asked, a smirk played on his lips. He watched her spin around, trying to see him. He was enjoying how he could play with her mind, and she was helpless to stop him. “It’s been a long time,” he said huskily. “Corbin,” she whispered, frantically searching the room. “You bastard, where are you? Show yourself!” Anger filled her. The scared mute girl she used to be, was suddenly replaced by this strong willed woman. She wasn’t going to let him destroy her again. He once had complete power over her. She knew it was her own fault but she loved him, blindly. As quickly as the anger came, in that moment she also knew that this was what she had been feeling. All of it, the fog, the detached nervousness, she couldn’t figure it all out but she knew where it came from. It all came from him. The Maitre d’ approached her, his eyes filled with worry. She didn’t know if it was because of her outburst and he wanted her to leave, or perhaps he saw something and was trying to help. “Madame, if you’re going to have a fit… might I suggest you take it elsewhere?” he said, his tone no longer concerned. He wanted her out, and she was going to leave. He would see to it. “I’m not going anywhere. Either you call the cops, and have that man arrested, or I’ll not be held responsible for my actions.” The tone in her voice told him that she was not to be argued with. “Perhaps you’re right…” he said sounding snobbish. Taking a step back he didn’t let his eyes waver, not even for a moment. “Perhaps I should call the police… and have you removed from the premises.” “Me, you want to have me removed?” she asked surprised. “Why me? Why not him?” “Stop hiding Corbin, this isn’t going to help anyone. You should have died that day. God help me, why didn’t you die!” she cried. She spun around trying to see him. She had been told of the shootout between the police and Corbin’s gang. She should have known he was trouble, but he had this charismatic way about him. She couldn’t say no, even when he threatened to kill her, the day before everything happened. She couldn’t say no. A humorless laugh escaped her lips. He was back and he wouldn’t stop until he destroyed her. She knew that now. Everything he wanted was right here. She was coming unglued, and he was witnessing it. He couldn’t help but laugh. The Maitre D’ was looking at her as if she had lost her mind, calling to shadows. He found the entire scene comical. It was time to take control of things now. Fun time was over, and if April thought things were scary before she really had no idea of his power. “We need to be alone April,” he said sharply. “I want you to go to the door and head home. We can deal with everything there.” “I am not going anywhere with you. You have got to be joking. I was done with you a long time ago and that is not going to change now,” she said furiously. “You have something to say? Go ahead. If not then leave me the hell alone!” The Maitre D’ looked at her surprised. He hadn’t spoken a word to her in some time. The other patrons were beginning to look uncomfortable. He had to get her out of here before there was an even larger scene. “Please Miss…” he begged, reaching for her arm. “Don’t… Don’t you touch me,” she hissed. “Don’t ever touch me again!” “You need to leave right now,” he told her. “You’re causing a scene and that is not acceptable.” She glared at him. In that moment he realized she wasn’t seeing him. She was looking past him. He turned; curious about whom her fury was directed to. All he could see was shadows. For a brief second he thought he saw something, but it was gone in the blink of an eye. He turned back to the distraught young woman in front of him. His eyes were now concerned since he realized it was possible she wasn’t hallucinating. “Let me help you,” he said, his tone completely changed. “There is no help for me. Not from you, not from anyone. This is something I have to do myself,” she said, clenching her hands into fists. He watched her reaction, startled. She should have been backing down, not fighting back. This was wrong. All wrong. “You are nothing without me,” he said, trying to sound more confident. He wasn’t the type to let some piece of ass get the better of him. He broke her once… he’d do it again. Corbin watched her every movement. One thing she had always prided herself on was her grace. She could glide from one room to the next without a sound. The entire room was silent except for her breathing. Some of the patrons had moved to tables farther away so as to avoid any incidents or their meals being interrupted any further. She felt him push her again and she whirled on her feet. Falling against the table, a look of desperation came over her face. “Why are you doing this?” she pleaded. “Why can’t you just leave me alone?” “You cost me everything,” he said, scowling. “Now I’ll take it all from you. After all as the saying goes, “Payback”s a bitch.’ Now you’ve got a choice. Either you leave and no one else gets hurt or no one will be leaving here.” “Where are your boys, Corbin?” she asked, trying to catch him off guard. “You never go anywhere without them. Where’s your precious “backup”?” “I thought this was best handled between you and me,” he said, sounding less sure of himself. “You’re right,” she said, her eyes searching the room. “This is best handled between us, but I’m not going anywhere. Not until you show yourself for the true coward you are.” “Now is name calling really necessary?” he asked condescendingly. “After all… we’re both adults.” “Well one of us is,” she muttered quietly. “You really should be nicer to me. I could hurt you and you’d not even know it,” he said menacingly. “Why don’t you show yourself?” she said, spinning around again. She leaned over the table, catching her breath. Her fingers brushed the steak knife that lay wrapped in the napkin. Wheeling around, she waved the knife in the air, freeing it from the flimsy cloth. The once nicely folded napkin slipped silently through the air, falling into a crumpled heap on the floor. “Why are you doing this?” she screamed again. “Because of you… because of your actions I died. Some of my boys were killed and you do not deserve to live. You will pay April, I have come to see to it,” he said. Corbin appeared in front of April, grasping her wrist. The once distinguished Maitre D’ collapsed to the floor in a dead faint. Several of the patrons ran screaming from the room. She watched in horror as his fingers slid inside her skin. She could feel his energy probing inside. With every movement he made, she could feel him deeper within her. Every nerve of her body felt as if it was on fire. “You’re mine now… Bitch,” he said coldly. In that moment she knew exactly what she had to do. She reached for the blade that he had forgotten about. She looked across the room in a daze, her eyes falling upon a mirror hanging on the wall above a fireplace. Walking slowly, she approached it with determination. She stared in the mirror for the longest time. Tilting her face from side to side, hoping for some recognition, but it was slow in coming. Her hair fell, her lips, her nose, even her cheekbones; these were all the same… She brought the blade up and slowly tickled the skin of her neck. “No-o-o!” she heard him scream inside her head. “You… you can’t!” “I told you, you’d never control me again,” she said. She watched as the knife pierced her skin and blood seeped from the silver blade, dripping down until it hit the floor. Her eyes returned to the mirror. That’s when she realized… Her eyes… Her eyes betrayed her and told of a world beyond them. One that was just out of her reach. The fog finally lifted as her breathless body slid gracefully to the floor. The knife tumbled lifelessly out of her hand. The End…

I'm no doctor, I am not going to sit here and tell you 'hey this is you'. I will tell you, this is me. For better or worse. It's something I struggle with constantly, but it is something I'm working on. It's a slow process and a lot of people with AvPD and social phobias such as this, do not deal well with people as a whole. I am not entirely sure why I'm posting this but maybe, for those that actually want to get to know me a little better... it'll help you understand a bit about who I am. People with AvPD often consider themselves to be socially inept or personally unappealing, and avoid social interaction for fear of being ridiculed, humiliated, rejected, or disliked. AvPD is usually first noticed in early adulthood, and is associated with perceived or actual rejection by parents or peers during childhood. People with AvPD are preoccupied with their own shortcomings and form relationships with others only if they believe they will not be rejected. Loss and rejection are so painful that these individuals will choose to be lonely rather than risk trying to connect with others. Hypersensitivity to criticism or rejection Self-imposed social isolation Extreme shyness or social anxiety in social situations, though feels a strong desire for close relationships Avoids physical contact because it has been associated with an unpleasant or painful stimulus Avoids interpersonal relationships Feelings of inadequacy Severe low self-esteem Self-loathing Mistrust of others Emotional distancing related to intimacy Highly self-conscious Self-critical about their problems relating to others Problems in occupational functioning Lonely self-perception Feeling inferior to others In some more extreme cases-- Agoraphobia Utilizes fantasy as a form of escapism and to interrupt painful thoughts[4] Susceptibility to substance abuse as a way of escapism. It's easy to sit back and judge, say 'get over it' but until you've lived it... you really don't know.