Psyche's blog: "Proceed With Caution...."

Hello friends. been awhile since ive blogged and ive gotten many questions aking about my foot and all that jazz and also all the new things ive been up too. Well many of you know ive gone back to work as an asst store manager for casey's which involves many hours of overtime which of course is good for my wallet but not so great for my health. The last blog i made consisted of the incision on the bottom of my foot had busted open and i had to go and have it re-stitched as well a series of antibiotic treatments due to an infection with it. I was told not to continue working until my incision had completely healed which would have put me off at least 2 weeks...yeah right. Since the beginning of all my surgeries my life has pretty much been on hold since Feb of 08 and im sorry but i refuse to continue to allow my children and myself to suffer financially from it any longer. So against all the doctors orders i continued working anyway and unfortunately ive done a lot more damaged than i realized by doing so. 3 days ago my incision busted open again and i made an appointment with my specialist in springfeild to try and figure out why this keeps happening and i was given the worst news possible.With my job i stand on my feet anywhere from 8-12 hours a day and constantly moving and apparently by doing this the rods they had to insert into my heel when they did my fusion are slipping and falling out of place which is pushing against my incision therfore causing it to rip open. He also told me that im basically ruining his work and that this job is going to cause me to have to go through all my surgeries again just to fix what ive already damaged. Needless to say he is not happy with me and gave me an hour lecture on after such a severe surgery i cant work at these types of jobs and that i have to find a job where im able to sit at least some of the time and stay off my feet.  It kind of pissed me off simply because this is america dammit, all the lazy people have taken all the sit down jobs and with this economy i may never find such a job and the needs of my children come before my needs. I asked him if i quit my job is he going to pay my bills and feed my children because i dont see anybody else offering to help me out. He suggested trying to get disability and that he would write a letter on my behalf because after this foot finally heels he will be starting surgery on my other one. I explained to him that i started that process back in Feb of 08 after my 1st surgery and i keep getting denied and that disability is bullshit and they only approve people that diont really need it. In any case im frusrated and angry and feel like i have no options so ive decided im just going to keep working and sending out resumes until something better comes along..

Onto the good stuff. When i first starting looking for employment i had sent out my resume to a place here in town called startek which is cellular tech assistance for all major cell phone companies, a sit down job with a little office, great pay and even better benefits which offer awesome promotions for advancemnet within the company. I recieved a phone call 2 days ago that they are interested in me and that my skills are exactly what they are looking for and he sent me a link to my email to do a sitting one assessment. Of course i jumped right on it and filled it out yesterday and to my delight one of my mother's best friends brother is a supervisor there and so i think maybe something great will finally come my way. So please keep your fingers crossed for me and pray that luck has finally found its way to my life. These last few days many crazy things with luck has occurred for me and i definitely see this as a good sign. Friday i had to close and just before 11 a young woman had come in for gas and a few minutes after she left she walked back into the store with a little boy on her hip looking very distraught. I asked her what was wrong and she told me her car wouldnt start and this was the one time she had left her cell at home and that her baby was in the car asleep. I gave her my cell and told her to call whomever she needed and she tried her hubby but he wasnt picking up, she said he was a sound sleeper and probably couldnt hear the phone. So i started questioning her about her car and what type of noise it made when she turned the ignition etc etc... She said all her lights worked but when she turned the ignition it just clicked and she didnt feel it was the battery but probably the altenator. Well growing up around cars and learning a few things i went out and opened her hood, knocked on the altenator and checked a few other things. I brought my truck over and told the lady i believed it was just her battery, got out my jumper cables...she had a new van which required me to undo safe bars...thank god i carry a tools with me and proceeded to jump her off. Her little boy was scarred and thought this was all his fault so while it was jumping i played with him, tried to make him laugh and told him it wasnt his fault and that this was a good thing because playing with him made my night and he seemed to like that answer. Then he said the sweetest thing ever to his mommy, he told her i was their angel and that everything was going to be ok now. Anyway it was the battery and her car started so i put everything back up and got her situated and as i was getting in my truck she stopped me and gave me a huge hug and said she apologized she didnt have any money to give me but wanted me to take this giftcard she had. I refused and told her i didnt want anything and that i hoped if i was ever in this type of situation someone would help me. After about a 5 min argument i finally said ok and stuck it in my pocket..after a couple more hugs and kind words she left. Yesterday i got to work to learn that she had emailed the corporate office about the incident and gave me such praise that i was given a gift from corporate as well as a hand written letter from the owner. Btw i learned that the giftcard was $30 to olive garden and i was shocked..i think ill mail it to my father for a fathers day gift. THEN yesterday on my way home from the store i was listening to the local radio station and the 8th caller got free movie tickets and a free meal for 2 to one of the best restaurant/pubs in town..keep in mind i never win anything. So i figured what the hell..i call and it rang on the 1st try and all be damned if i wasnt the 8th caller so now ive won more stuff LOL. Maybe i need to go play the lottery or something or maybe its just time for good things to start happening in my life :)

So i have to start getting ready for work shortly and sorry this became so long but its a good read.

Thanks 4 Reading

Hello friends, have a few new things going on and thought id share them. As most of you know ive had a few major surgeries over this last year on my right ankle blah blah blah. Im tired of dealing with it about as much as im sure you're tired of hearing about me dealing with it lol. Anyway since i am back to walking mode i decided it was time to get back to work, i do have 2 lil girls to take care of.

 I received the phone call Tuesday for an interview and was hired on the spot as well as started that same night. Wendsday night i noticed i was having a lot of pain in my ankle but figured it was due from not using it and was normal and as the night goes on the bottom of my foot felt like it was on fire and so about 45 mins before im due to get off i take my shoe off to discover my sock is soaked in blood and as i pull it off..gah! the incision on the bottom of my foot has ripped open. Well they immediately tell me to leave and go to the emergency room although me being the kind of worker i am insisted i finish out my shift but due to company liability they couldnt allow me to stay. So i go to the emergency thinking they would just stitch me up but i suppose that would just be too easy ( after all this is me we are talking about.) Upon looking at my ankle they noticed that it was extremely swollen more than normal for the kind of operation i had and it was also bright red and extremely hot to the touch. The dr. decides to do some x-rays and blood tests and after sitting in that damn emergency room which seemed like forever he comes in to give me some pretty bad news. Apparently i have fluid build up around my bone AND i have an occult joint infection which if not taken care of immediately could result in the loss of my leg. They immediately stick an iv in my arm and hook up some antibiotics and while doing this they inject some dilaudid in that iv which had me feelin all kinds of happy and then decide to push me over the edge and gave me a pain shot in the ass HAH! After all that and and a stitched up foot at 4am i finally was told i could leave BUT im not to go back to work until i see my specialist and have this infection taken care of and also im not to put any more pressure on my foot until i get my stitches out in 7 days. They dont know me very well apparently.

Yesterday morning i call my specialist in springfeild but they were in a retreat so i had to leave a detailed message with the nurse and wait for the return call. I also had to be at work at 4 and since i hadnt heard from the doc yet i said ferk it and i went ahead and went to work last night. Yes it hurt like hell and i know im not suppose to be walking on this foot but i just got this job and im not going to lose it, plus my babys birthday is may 3rd and mommy is gonna get her what she asked for. Well 1st thing this morning the dr. finally called me back and i have to be there at 1:45 and i have to say im a little nervous. I foresee very long needles and more iv antibiotic treatments ahead and im scared he is going to say i cant work BUT i go in at 6 tonight and i will be there like im supposed to be unless by chance he admits me in which case im fucked and i pray to god this doesnt effect my new job.

Anyway this is whats going on with me and i ask that you please keep me in your thoughts and prayers to whomever you pray too that im not admitted and this can be taken care of with just antibiotics.

Thanks 4 Reading

Well many of ya'll have asked or wondered why i wanted today's spotlight and all ive replied with was because its a special day. I told a few friends that if i got it i would then tell them what made it so special. Rather than going to them one by one ill just say it once here and be done with it. This may become long so if you're not up to a story then you should probably leave now.

5 yrs ago today was the day I decided that if my life was ever going to change, if i was ever going to become the person I knew i could be, if i was finally going to take back my life and become an example to my children then this was the day it was going to happen. So with that said me and my girls got in my car and we drove away with nothing but the clothes on our backs and landed here almost 600 miles away. Yes things have been hard and yes some of my obstacles have been high and the climb over them exhausting but every night when i see my little girls sleeping safely and happy in their beds, every step i took to get here in this moment was worth it.

So on this day every year since, i take a deep breath, i smile and i keep moving on because no matter what falls in my path i know ive overcomed the worst.

Thanks 4 Reading

Ok we all know by now ive been saving for tomorrow's spotlight and i believe i have enough to pull it off unless it gets ridiculous again. I was given a few pointer's and basically i need to be around at midnight to get in final bid's and secure the spot. I have ran into a huge problem and im not sure what im going to do about it.

Basically im leaving at 9 and going to a concert and i wont be back on until tomorrow "rut-roh". So what am i suppose to do now? Only thing that i can think of is giving someone i trust my account information and having them log in my account and securing my spotlight in my absense OR say ferk it and go for spotlight the 12th which almost completely void's out the entire reason i was going for it in the first place. I suppose the alternate choice could always be just to forget about it completely and giving everyone their monies back.

I dont want to give up, i honestly really do want it for tomorrow but whats a girl to do ya know. So if anyone has any suggestions feel free to hand em out.

Thanks 4 Reading

Ok people as you know by my status im going for spotlight. It was indeed a spur of the moment decision as it had never appealed to me before, mainly just to see if i could do it. Now after a few conversations of others telling me its impossible and no matter who i say my friends are its just not gonna happen. I say bullshit!! impossible is just not a word in my vocabulary and now i suppose its a matter of my pride and showing others that with the right friends by your side anything can be achieved. Somebody asked me how far i was from the amount i needed and being honest i said that i dont even have a 3rd yet BUT considering i started this at 40k, i truly believe it can be done by April 11th. I was told to save myself the trouble and just give up because now THEY are going for that day...i said bring it on. Now im not just asking because i want the spotlight but rather to prove a point. Thanks 4 Reading

Spotlight---I want it. probably wont happen and i sure cant get it alone so i suppose im going to have to count on all of you to help me. Can we do this...together? I want it April 11th...that is a VERY special day for me and i deserve to be in the spotlight that day!

I really dont know where to begin with this but the last four days have been an emotional tidal wave. Most of you know i lost my brother almost a year and a half ago which was the hardest thing i ever had to deal with and honestly it almost broke me. My brother was my best friend, my protector and im still adjusting to being an only child, i mean ive been a sister my entire life and some days it still hits pretty hard that im all alone now. Its very sad when anyone dies but my brother was so young with his entire life ahead of him, passing 1 week after his 30th birthday. A year before my brother died my uncle passed away of a heart attack at the age of 40 which was incredibly odd because my grandfather whom ive never met also died at 40 with a heart attack. Well we recieved the call Wed that my other uncle had passed out in his home after a bbq and was in the icu on life support. That evening his girlfriend called to let us know it was due to a stroke and after some tests the doctor said he was brain dead and would spend the rest of his life on life support. Since he wasnt married my grandmother whom i havent spoken to since i was 12 had to let the doctors know what the next step would be. Thursday morning she drove to texas where he lived and told them to pull the plug...20 mins later he passed away at the young age of 46. My grandmother was having him cremated Friday morning and was driving him back to Missouri to sit on her mantle next to my other uncle. My aunt informed us my grandmother wasnt going to have a visitation, funeral or anything...this evil vindictive woman decided she wasnt even going to post an obituary and we dont even know if his only son knows that his father is dead and since my grandmother did all this in a matter of 2 days will go the rest of his life without even being able to tell his father goodbye or have closure because he also lives in texas and doesnt speak to my "grandmother". So my mother and aunt decided we would hold a little ceremony at the lake in Missouri and release some balloons in his honor and also for my other uncle so my mom could have some closure on that since she wasnt able to say bye and go to his funeral. So Friday morning my mom, my girls and myself drove to Missouri to my aunts whom ive also not seen in year's. Saturday we picked up some balloons and we all went to the lake and i said a poem then we released the balloons not only in his memory but also my brother's and other uncle. As cheezy and lame as this may sound to some it was comforting that at least he was honored and remembered in some way and tomorrow morning my mom is putting an obituary in the paper for him not only as a memory but also something to give his son as soon as we are able to get a hold of him. The positive turn of this is that we decided to stay a couple extra days and catch up with my aunt and her family and re-live some good memories growing up and i was able to show my girls our old house and my old school and places me and my brother played and where we used to ride our 4 wheelers so it was nice to be able to share a little piece of my past with my own children and finally put faces and places to all the stories they've heard. Ive not been back to this town since i was 12 and it was very overwhelming all the little things that i had forgotten that came back to me. This huge chunk of my life that contained so many emotions happy and sad and though it was something i needed it was also very painful to walk down memory lane without my brother by my side. Anyway i realize this became very long but to be honest im writing it mostly for myself. Im unloading some things in the only way i know how and that is my writing. Thanks 4 Reading