All alone I sit once again
My tears, a constant stream
An outflow of the pain the resides deep within
An outward expression of that... private pain My Lord and Saviour pops in and tells me that it will be ok
That this is only the growing pains that I must feelto reach the Glory he has for me Yet privately the desperation grows
Feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness creep in
Feeling now like I am not worthy to breathe this air in my lungs
What is this thing that has a hold on me? Lord won't you save me from this?
Why must I feel this way? The pain kept private and held deep within
Nobody else can see
Everyone else is above me
So why would they bother with someone like me? I try to maintain my strength
My composure
My lust for life and lord
Why must I lose sight of all that I love in this? Nothing can escape this darkness that has befallen me
Yet I know tomorrow once again the light will come and tarry for awhile
Only to once again be overcome by this constant private visitor; Darkness I want so much to shut the door of my heart and refuse it entry
Yet it still finds its way through the cracks and opens the gatesThe flood of darkness once again overcomes me
Bringing with it all the ugliness it holds in its power
Beseiging my heart, body, mind and soul. What is the missing link?
What is it that I dont have?
Where do I find the weapon to once and for-all destroy this beast and run it out of my life forever? I know the answer...
so why can't I grasp HIM with all my might and trust completely in HIS promise?
I know with all my knower that if I were able to do this HE would be my answer to this as he has always been to every other thing in my life.
So, what is it within me that keeps me from it? MY FATHER I can't do this alone... my pain is private but I know that it is not private to YOU! Show me how to trust you completely Lord. Remove these locks and chains on my heart that seem to keep holding me back. I want desperately to give it all to you, but I can't seem to get it done on my own. Am I asking too much for help with this? Don't I have a responsibility to be able to trust in you on my own? I wish I could Lord, but without your help I'm afraid I'll never reach you. Please don't let that happen Lord! Amen
Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself
