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1. Ever wonder why they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
2. How do you KNOW it's new and improved dog food?
3.Why do they put locks on the doors of 24 hour stores?
4. What do they use to ship styrofoam?
5. Why is it called rush hour when everything moves so slow?
6. Why do they call them express lanes when during rush hour everything is stopped?
7. Why is abreviation such a long word?
8. If sour milk is used to make you gurt, how do you know when yogurt has gone bad?
9. Why is there an expiry date on my sour cream container?
10. Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?
11. Why do we send cargo by ship, and shipments by car?
12. Why call it a building if it's already been built?
13. Why do kamikazee pilots wear helments?
14. How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?
15. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
16. Does "virgin wool" come from sheep the shepherd hasn't caught yet?
17. If the front of your car says "Dodge", do you really NEED a horn?
18. What do sheep count when they can't get to sleep?
19. When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
20. Does fuzzy logic tickle?
21.Do blind eskimoes heave seeing eye sled dogs?
22.Do they have reserved parking for non handicap people at the Special Olympics?
23. Why do they call it a TV set when you only get 1?
24. How come wrong numbers are never busy?
25. Do radioactive cats have 18 half lives?
26. If you shoot a mime, should you use a scilencer?
27. Why call it "take a dump" when you leave something behind?
28. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
29. Why call them bot water heaters if the water is already hot?
30. If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter?
31. If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?
32. If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex in the box?
33. When a cow laughs, does milk come up its nose?
34. Why do they put braille on the number pads of drive through bank machines?
35. If nothing sticks to Teflon, how do they stick Teflon on the pan?
36. How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
37. If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
38. What's another word for Thesaurus?
39. What would we have called the color orange if it wasn't a fruit?
40. Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
From the demented mind of comedian Steven Wright
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around
several times, does he become disoriented?
If people from Poland are called "Poles", why aren't
people from Holland called "Holes"?
Why do we say something 'is out of whack'? What's a whack?
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs?
Shouldn't they be wearing night gowns?
When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.
When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist
but a person drives a race car not called a racist?
Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific
mean to make terrible?
Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?
I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language.
Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?
Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
What hair color do they put on the drivers licenses of bald men?
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older, then it dawned on me they're cramming for their final exam.
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?
What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mail men could look for them while they delivered the mail?
How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
No one ever says "It's only a game," when their team is winning.
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
