BrokenDreamer's blog: "Poetry"

The pounding of the rain on my window sill The roll of the thunder knocking at my door Wind trying to sway and break my will But I will not have this anymore The trickle of the water off my house The sight of the lightening touching the ground Scamper, scamper goes the little mouse Its little feet no longer the only sound. I'm not alone is this old creaking room Howls from the wind, the swaying of the tree Looking around, there goes my broom The owl looking, what does it see Natures voice speaks to me Questioning what I feel Asking if I want to be free Do I have any idea of what is real The rumble of thunder shakes my security On a whim the wind rushes past Threatening my will be just be me Will I be alone at last The storm subsides, the sky clears The trees stop moving so carelessly No more sound overtaking my ears I am finally alone, no one around but me.

A Fault Of My Own I know I am the one who said no That I am the one who hurt you But I care more than you know And I hope you feel the same way too The thought of putting you through pain Of making you cry from the sadness you feel Its driving me far past insane I just want you to continue to heal Don't regress and don't take a step back Keep moving on with your life and be happy Don't give up on life because I lack What you want to see in me A single tear falls for the pain you must feel Then another because I know I caused your pain I know things must all seem surreal But I see that with me you have little to gain I have someone in my life who makes me happy And I want you to find that one person for you Someone who can make you happier than me And can do more than I could ever do Please, if its to be the last thing I say to you Never forget you are someone I hold dear You've done more than I could ask you to do So, if its not too horrible let me stay near. If its not too much, and it wont tear us apart Think of me as someone you can depend on even now Keep me dear to you in your great big heart And lets get through this somehow.

01/29/09 Raw Emotions The simple and raw emotion Spreading through me like an ocean The things you tell me don't fall on def ear Everything you say you can bet I hear Telling me of all the things you feel Knowing these wounds I can't possibly heal My job is to be a friend to someone who needs it Tell me why it is you love me, please sit Your love is unconventional, totally new How could I tell this to someone like you? I love you but not in the same way Your friendship means more than I can say I don't want to lose you by saying what I am But I can no longer be closed up as is a clam You need to know the truth of what I feel Though I don't want to hurt you, continue to heal My love is not what you need to be a better man You can do so much better we both know you can What I have to offer is nothing more than a hand To help you up when you've fallen in the sand The pain you will feel is going to be very real But you are strong and I know you can deal I'm sorry I had to tell you after everything was said Trying to find an answer within my own head No excuse or explanation can I find There is no other thought in my mind I know its come down to telling you I'm sorry I don't feel the same as you do. Forgive my tardiness for not telling you before And knowing what I do, it will hurt you more But in all honesty that was not my intention at all I don't want to watch you break and fall I know I made you happy and I don't want to take that away But with everything that's happened, what can I say? Please forgive me for hurting you so But I hope you believe I do care, you know My friendship was never a lie, never a fake I'm sorry, this is probably more than you can take I want to be close to you and help you through Whatever pain I have caused, let me know what I can do Though I have to admit if it had been a year Or somewhere in the time before this came near I would have fallen for you just the same Please believe I know this isn't a game I just wanted to be truthful and tell you So you wont hurt more than you already do Please don't leave me because of this, please stay You make me happy when my skies are gray I want to do the same for you, because I care You are my friend that's why I'm always there Don't doubt my intentions, they are pure Of that and everything I said you can be sure Just listen to your heart to what it has to say You know if you left you might not make it another day I know the love you say you feel for me That's why you can't just leave, don't you see Forgive my deception, my deceit I've given up that very seat I want to be close to you But only if you still want me too I want nothing more than you to be happy Although you probably don't see That I never wanted to hurt you at all And for that I take the fall. I'm sorry.

Sitting in the silence of the darkend room All alone, thinking of such a doom The thoughts of suicide No longer will I hide My pain etched on my face Sleeping soundly will replace What was once the sound of tears The sound of once forgotten fears Tearing deep into my wrist Punching that hole with my fist Breaking down, I just want to die No, I'm not kidding, this is no lie My sorrow brings me to such a place Scars that this blade will once again trace Blood streams down my arm This pain disperses, I see no harm Black as coal the blood does flow Crimson, I think you should know I bleed black, black as the pits of hell Bitter and cold is this excuse for a shell My ears ring the sounds of death at my door My wounds bleeding, I rise off the floor I can see my body lying there, cold and still Where there is no hope there can be no will My last breath drawn in, I will be free No one will mourn my death as you see For they do not know what is before their eyes But you know, its really not a surprise They thought all would be fine and well I can finally be free of such a hell A single rose laying beside my bed And this rose is black, not the usual red.

Its seems like so long ago That you said Goodbye It felt like an eternity I know And it made me want to cry No longer would you be there Your voice I'd no longer hear To me it seemed you didn't care I just wanted to disappear Your laugh only a memory Those beautiful green eyes, gone for good My eyes wet, frozen beneath this tree I tried to forget but its not like I could The smile I'd seen so many times And hearing you confess you love to me The inspiration for all my rhymes Its what I'd give just to make you see Maybe then you'll smile like you once did Maybe you can laugh like never before Perhaps you;ll show the love you hid And maybe we would be close once more Then maybe after reading what I have to say And how I've missed what we used to share I wont have to wait any longer for the day When you tell me you love me and you still care

Sitting alone in the dark of my room Feelings of despair foreshadow my doom Breathing becomes more troublesome I cant wait for death to come Heart racing over 100 beats a minute My chest hurts more deep within it Casting a shadow over my very being My eyes clouded over, I see nothing Its dark, cold and shivers go down my spine I pray for those I love going down the line My eyes are heavy, I cant keep them open now I've fallen over, I cant sit up anyhow My lack of strength has left my body weak My lips wont move, I can not speak My mind reels going over all I would miss Knowing there are lips I would no longer kiss I cant see whats right in front of me I cant think of somewhere else I'd rather be Your arms hold me close and safe, I'd hope No, You aren't there so I wont be able to cope I just want to let go of it all My last breath taken in before I fall Death stole the last bit of life I had Its over but its really not all that bad.

When I read over messages of the past Things I used to think would actually last I was just Dreaming of something that would never be But no matter things will never be as they were, don't you see? The feelings I once had for those around me Were feelings that would set me free But that was so very long ago Things I once knew I no longer know I was happy way back when Simple things made me smile then Now that its over everyone has gone I see I must leave this behind and move on But reading over what use to be my joy Bringing back thoughts of things I used to enjoy Tears fill my eyes remembering things I loved and cherished All are things of the past and have also perished Why is it that things of the past haunt my dreams Why is it that no one hear my silent screams The people that surrounded me at one time have left me behind I was so happy that it was what made me blind My careless, worry free days are over with now Because, what was is gone, its ended somehow Why is it that the things that mattered the most Why are they haunting me as if a silent reminder, a ghost The words and promises that had been made back then Now little reminders what what I held dear way back when All that mattered is what I had set before me It couldn't have ended, nothing like that would come to be Or so I thought, but now I look back and remember what we had The things we said, promises we made, they all make me so sad Why is it that everything matters more now that its in the past Why couldn't I do something to make those promises and friendships last?

I fell for what I saw in you I fell for as you knew I would I fell for because the things you do I fell for cause I was told I should I fell for your smile that's oh so real I fell for the way you said my name I fell for just how happy you made me feel I fell for for everything and you feel the same I fell for all I saw I fell for the joy you bring I fell for the tiny heart you'd draw I fell for the song you make me sing I fell for the little joke you tell I fell for the way you held me in your arms I fell for fact you knew me so well I fell for you and all your charms I fell for the kisses you give me I fell for the smell of your clothes I fell for you so hard you see I fell for you and everybody knows I fell for the song you would sing I fell for most everything you do I fell for the flowers you'd bring But most of all I fell for you!! ©2008 ♥Tammy♥

As I lay here trying to sleep Tears fall from my eyes, I weep Why am I unable to dream When I can all I do is scream This is all a nightmare Terrifying, What a scare The thought I could lose you Something I don't want to think, but do Such a dramatic Change to it all Pain echos off every wall I scream from the pain in my head Please end it all, I want to be dead If I were to die right now I know he'd want to know why and how But it wouldn't have to hurt me I wouldn't have to live with this pain you see If I'm not alive I don't have to dwell On those things that make me unwell Because I'd be dead with no more care You wouldn't have to worry about being there I guess you would ultimately Be free from all forms of worry No need to care for someone who has past Because you know it wouldn't last.

I love to see your smile But its been hidden for quite a while Where did your happiness go Why has it disappeared, When will it show You shiny teeth, Soft lips and calming eyes Serenity brought to angry skies You look at me with a grin Then you noticed, I too begin Your smile is a light to my heart Happy with you from the very start Where is the smile I once knew Will it come to your face as it use to? So there are things that have got you down But you know they will pass anyhow So why is there no happiness Only signs of shallow emptiness There is no depth to your eyes anymore The light that once shown has gone for sure Whats happened to make you this way Give me some clue, give me more to say I want to see your eyes light up with bliss That's one part of you I really miss The joy I saw in your eyes just being with me Where did that go, Where can it be?