There are times when we stop to reflect on things we’ve done, or places we’ve been … I always stop to think of all my faults before I become grateful for the things that I have become, the things I’ve done or the pains I’ve carried along. This morning I was thinking of all my crazy faults, my shames I have carried for many years, and not honestly knowing why, not being diagnosed, but learning all the different L.D. (Learning Disabilities), it seems I have ADD, OCD, that I am dyslexic, along with many other ones I can’t remember right off the top of my head. Through my struggles, never asking why, just thought I was dumb, and that all the other students in class were just smarter then I was. To finally learn of my differences, the reasons for my difficulties, and of all those I have met along the way that share many different L.D.’s and they have made it this far in life and are successful, and continue to grow, inspires me. I know why now things never came to me so easily.
I accept my L.D.s and laugh at myself knowing why I’ve hated to read, my hand writing sucks, never mind remembering how letters can come together and make a sound; spelling has always been the worse for me. Now I’m glad I know I am not the only one! If I had a computer when I was growing up, reading, pronunciations, spelling words would have all been fun. One click type in the letters and listen to the computer say the word, sketch it in my memory, never mind I love the spell check key! When I turned 40, its was like this light went on, and now I love to read, I no longer get embarrassed when I pronounce a word or spell something wrong.
I have stumbled though my school years, my college years, and most of my adult life, mostly being “shy” … it was more like embarrassment, but now I know for me, this is just all part of me. It helps me to understand my middle son, who struggles just as I did, but he is lucky to have someone to help him through this difficulty. I use to think he was his father’s son, but now I see he is more like his mother... except for his smart ass mouth... I won’t take credit for that! I know now I can only try to help him and understand knowing how smart he really is. He just learns and thinks outside the box. Now the hardest part will be teaching his teachers how to understand he is not dumb. Just smarter then you and me, he thinks differently and needs help to see the world in a realm like the rest of us have been taught … unfortunately …. Public schools only teach in black and white … he sees the world in vivid colors abstactively.
In my journeys …. As I learn … my acceptance of others and especially I, becomes broaden again … and I can remember to be grateful for all that I am once again!
