PMS
Let me start off by saying this article is rated PG-13. We will be talking about PMS. That’s right, a condition known as Parked Motorcycle Syndrome.
I was sitting on the couch a few days before Christmas looking outside at the snow falling, when it hit me like a rock thrown from a passing car. You could see it coming, but just couldn’t swerve out of the way fast enough. I had ALL the symptoms!
Nervousness, sweaty palms, irritability, pacing back and forth through the house, and the urge to pile up credit card bills from purchasing chrome on every motorcycle internet site I could click on. Ah, safety chrome, the visual beauty that makes our bikes our own, and raises an eyebrow to every oncoming motorist and onlooker lusting to have a bike of their own. I never realized what was causing me to act this way. I thought in the beginning that it was just my aging body. Then I remembered, as a young teen the symptoms started after the purchase of my first motorcycle. I would sit in school and daydream about my true love. No, it wasn’t that cute little blonde haired girl sitting next to me in math class. It was that 125cc beast sitting in my parent’s garage. Oh boy, the way she felt when I swung my leg over her. The way she growled when I kick started her. The enjoyment she gave me when I took off down the street. She was a real beauty to me. Not to say the little blonde haired girl looked bad either! With passing years and multiple other bikes, my symptoms never got any easier. It always happened when I couldn’t ride, and 27 years later it hasn’t gotten any easier.
The only tolerable fix I’ve found other than buying chrome and maxing out the credit cards, is to make little visits to my motorcycle each day. Hours of endless polishing, wiping, tweaking, and adjusting. My wife says I’m crazy and it’s just in my mind. I could just be silly. She’s a strong woman with a lot of understanding. Lord knows, she has to be to put up with my Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde transformation each rainy day and every winter season. Even though she rides with me about eighty percent of the time, she doesn’t feel it. She doesn’t feel that suffocating feeling of loosing your freedom of the road.
Now these days I try to do the right thing around my wife. I HIDE my PMS! That’s right, I wait till she leaves and I run outside, grab a rag, and start wiping. I sit on the bike and smile, thinking about the sun beaming down my back, and the way the wind feels in my face. That feeling of the way the bike leans in a long sweeping curve. The feeling you get when you open the throttle, and the freedom you feel as you and your brothers ride in perfect harmony side by side. I know the riders reading this will know what I’m talking about. Even though she doesn’t say anything, I believe my wife suspects something is up when she leaves. So, as a rider, the next time you get the same feelings, you’ll know what it is. The dreaded Parked Motorcycle Syndrome is taking hold of you. My advice is…. stay calm, act like nothing is wrong, and try to send your wife to the store. Now, where is my credit card? I just found more chrome!!
Keith Hensley
