Have you ever sat and just talked to people? Why is it some people can entertain you, and others cant? Some people annoy me, others dont. Some people I want to talk to, others I wish would leave me alone... I don't know why, or what the difference is...
Today, on a different subject, I realized how jealous of people I truly am. I normally wouldn't admit that. I love me... but I'm jealous that other people have things i don't... like love. Even on 'fubar'. You see the cute people who are the "FB g/f b/f" or "FB hubby/wifey" and I'm like, AAWWWW how fucking cute!!!
I don't get out as much as I used to. I don't do as much as I used to. I don't have the life I used to have. Thats past of having children. I don't have the option to go hang out with my friends. I am almost trapped...
I miss being in love. I miss having someone hold me, and love me. I miss knowing someone cares.. Ya know the cute texts in the middle of the day to say "I love you"... I miss the weird things most people dont even think twice about. And people who have that... I'm jealous of them.
Sure, everyone loves sex... DUH.... but sex is only sex. Thats it. SEX. I mean, I want something more than that. I want something special. I want to be in love. I suppose I set myself up for it... but i do want more than just some guy to fuck... (or girl as the case may be). I guess recently seeing everyone so happily in love makes me jealous... and sad. I want what they have... and i can't have it... I suck at relationships... I really do... I'm a control freak... I'm mean sometimes.... I'm bitchy. There are so many things about me most people don't know that would scare them... and i don't get close to people... when I start getting close to people.... i do something to fuck it up. Ask Scott... I just can't have relationships... I don't know why... I'll never know... But it's just one of those things... back to my childhood... I wish I could change that... I wish I knew what to do... i wish I could change things.... I dunno, i don't know if any of this will ever change... But it's something I sure think about... My interaction with other people just sucks... thats probably a lot of it...
Anyhow... i guess thats enough whining for the night... I may whine more later or something... or possibly bitch... who knows Lol
laters all... love ya much!!!
