Wicked's blog: "Peeing myself laughing"

Here is your dose of humor... A. Follow the instructions to find your new name. The following is excerpted from a children's book, Captain Underpants And the Perilous Plot Professor Poopypants, by Dave Pilkey, in which the evil Professor forces everyone to assume new names... So:- 1. Use the third letter of your first name to determine your New first name: a = snickle b = doombah c = goober d = cheesey e = crusty f = greasy g = dumbo h = farcus i = dorky j = doofus k = funky l = boobie m = sleezy n = sloopy o = fluffy p = stinky q = slimy r = dorfus s = snooty t = tootsie u = dipsy v = sneezy w = liver x = skippy y = dink y z = zippy 2. Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name: a = dippin b = feather c = b atty d = burger e = chicken f = barffy g = lizard h = waffle i = farkle j = monkey k = flippin l = fricken m = bubble n = rhino o = potty p = hamster q = buckle r = gizzard s = lickin t = snickle u = chuckle v = pickle w = hubble x = dingle y = gorilla z = girdle 3. Use the third letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name: a = butt b = boob c = face d = nose e = hump f = breath g = pants h = shorts i = lips j = honker k = head l = tush m = chunks n = dunkin o = brains p = biscui ts q = toes r = doodle s = fanny t = sniffer u = sprinkles v = frack w = squirt x = humperdinck y = hiney z = juice

The Day the Penis asked for a Raise: I the Penis, hereby request a raise in the salary for the following reasons: I do physical labor. I work at great depths. I plunge head first into everything I do. I do not get weekends or public holidays off. I work in a damp environment. I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation. I work in high temperatures. My work exposes me to contagious diseases. Sincerely P. Niss The Response: Dear P. Niss, After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have have raised. The administration rejects your request for the following reasons: You do not work 8 hours straight You fall asleep after brief work periods You do not always follow the orders of the management team You do not stay in your designated are and are often seen visiting other locations. You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing. You will retire before you are 65 You are unable to work double shifts You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed your assigned task And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious looking bags. Sincerely, V. Gina