DeerBear's blog: "DeerLog"

I was looking through the statuses of my friends' list when I got to see this one: "is there any men out there who knows how to be good to a woman and love her the way she needs to be and not played so tired of the players.i ma a real woman and need a real man" from a girl. This was my comment: "The problem lies in the fact it's hard to tell those who say they are from those who really are. Most times, those who really are will generally not so say to not get mixed with those who only say it. Not judging anyone, mind you, just pointing out a fact. Hugs, Andrew" I thought, however, I would expand on this and made a post since I am particularly sensitive to the matter. My heart has been shattered and pissed on way many more times than I would have liked, Yet, I think the problem isn't just in love relationships. The problem is not just in relationships either, but it talks to the core of us as human beings. We all have moments/situations where we just don't give a darn. That's normal. There are people who we like, others who we don't. We can't please everyone and we will hence rarely please anyone. That's where - in my opinion - the problem lies. There are, of course, exceptions, such as my lovely nop who spoils me every day and then some And I try to reciprocate for what I can(yes, you're always in my mind no matter how many times in a week we talk). However, what is lacking today is passion and commitment. Wait a minute, "passion" isn't about love *ONLY*. It's about work, too. There's a customer relationship management mantra saying "go the extra mile". That means, basically, "do what you're expected to and then add some". It's one of the best ways to "customer retention" as they say. Yet, people nowadays lack that because they do not have passion for what they do. Mind you, I do that too at times, but I try to go the extra mile when I can, even if I am not into customer support. Every day, I get in the office and I turn computers on. I am a sysadmin and I am "only" expected to fix things when they break, but I do not just do that. I run regular daily updates check to the "main" computer which is crucial to handle communication with other entities and institutes, I make sure everything is working properly BEFORE users arrive and call me. The net result is not just that I have to spend 10 minutes daily doing these operations, but I get called MUCH, MUCH less as a result and have more time to do my stuff without being interrupted. Plus, it always "feels" that things are running smoothly and when I say I can't go, there almost is a revolution because guess what? when I am not there things feel and act like breaking, even though they aren't really, but they feel that way. Because everything runs smoothly when I am there. Passion and commitment are also about focus. Focus on the detais is important, as it is on the global aspects. When I run the updates on the main computer, I am not just focusing on the computer but also on the communication that will be brought forward using it and ultimately the direction the association is going on. Mine is a technical role, hence I can(and should) only focus on streamlining and make sure things work - but that would be nothing if I didn't have my VISION of how things should be working. It's easy to run an update, it's much less easy to make a plan of doing them. I originally am a software analyst/programmer and I have designed and WRITTEN dozens of software systems. When you do that, you must have a vision of what the program will be doing once shipped. When it wasn't me to decide, hence the vision was not in my hands, it didn't always go well. Because people forget to have a vision and just do patchwork. So, now we know that passion and commitment are also about focus and vision. What happens in a love relationship? Passion, and maybe love, arrive and then they transform into daily routine. Why? Because there's no focus. And no vision. How about commitment? Well, if you don't have a vision, how can you commit to anything? You'll just live by the day and see what happens, getting the most you can at any given moment in time. That's where cheating comes from. Lack of vision and focus. That's why many marriages(again, exceptions *ARE* still alive and well) fail miserably after some time. I have tourette's and I am single. Does that mean I don't want a girl? not at all, but I *do* have a vision of what I want and that does not include "any random girl", but a girl with specific attributes that have very little to do with looks. Obviously, if I could find a supermodel holding what I am looking for, I wouldn't be crying in despair believe me lol but she does not have to be a super model at all costs. There's a lot of stuff needed to make anything work, from a marriage to a bespoke software system, and they all involve the same things. Because those things are at the core of us and that is what we need to fork out if we want to be happy - or at least be able to look at ourselves in the mirror and say "hey, I'm cool" Andrew