Abbiegat0r's blog: "Alaska"

Warning: I'm about to complain a lot and probably jump all over the place with my thoughts.

I am so overwhelmed with my first year of teaching. Maybe I shouldn't have agreed to do the spelling bee as well? But anyway, back to my required duties and an opportunity to vent away from any knowing eyes. My certification in PA is PreK-4 and Special Ed K-8. I am in Alaska doing 6th grade language arts (not certified), 6th grade math (not certified), and Special Ed preK-12 (beyond my certification). I knew my first year of teaching was going to be a lot, but I didn't know it was going to be this hard. I wish I had time during the summer to look at the different curriculums and get more acquainted with what students are doing. I could have searched AK standards and then looked from there, so oops on me for missing that chance and slacking there. Being a special education teacher is sort of like being a manager, not only do I have to handle all of the paperwork for my caseload, I also have to manage these people under me to make sure they are filling out time logs correctly and promptly and I've been having to find someone to fulfill minutes for their absences. If I don't do this SpEd minutes aren't fully served and hello non-compliance. There's just way too many cogs in the wheel. 

As a first year teacher and a complete push over I will be the first to say that I have some improvements to make in the classroom. It's a huge adjustment to teach in AK as well.. so many different experiences than in the lower 48 and reasons why many of our students are behind where they should be. One of the teachers told me that probably more than 90% of the students are affected by some level of FAS, despite the fact that we are a dry community?!?!?!? I'm having trouble connecting with one student in particular, which is part of why I'm grateful for this break from the class. Maybe this will help me reset my opinions and start anew when I return.

My time away from the class is because my one-on-one aid is away for a doctor's appointment (oh, Alaska). This is helping a student with intensive needs and these words are no joke... this day was intense! My back is not ready for all the lifting and support that the student needs and I am hurting today. I would honestly feel this physical pain though than to leave school the way I felt yesterday. I had a tough day in my ELA class and of course my principal was observing. I opened up about this and honestly just felt worse after reaching out about my issues with the one student. 

When I return on Thursday to my normal schedule, I'm throwing the pacing guide OUT OF THE WINDOW! I don't care whether we are on track with what the district wants anymore, I just want to make sure learning is happening in the classroom. I know I need to slow down what I'm doing and give the students some time to process. I need a more structured routine that allows them some time in the mornings to get their brains working. Self peptalk I guess. Ugh, I can't wait until the second year of school.