SexiChica88's blog: "on my mind"

Thats the one, Oi
How did he not find the baggy, with his hand in my shoe?
Way too close for me, ah well at least they allowed me through.
Should be a good night in here, Ramo in the main room,
People keep pushing me though, no reception on the phone.
And i'm thinkin'...
(Light are blinding my eyes)
They said they'd be here they said, they said in the corner,
And im thinkin'...
(People pushin' by, and walkin' off into the night)
These look well speckly, bit of green and blue,
Threes is well cheap though, so i'll take three if i need to.
Right im on the plan, i wish the bouncers would go away,
Borrow water off this man, here goes nothing OK,
And i'm thinkin'...
(Lights are blinding my eyes)
Thats proper rank, that tastes like hairspray
And i'm thinkin'...
(People pushin' by, and walkin' off into the night)
I hate coming to the entrance, just to get bars on my phone,
You have no new messages, so why haven't they phoned?
Menu, write message, so where are you and Simone?
Send message, dans number, where've they gone?
And im thinkin'...
(Lights are blinding my eyes)
Why's the message pending? where the fuck are ya?
And i'm thinkin'...
(People pushin' by, and walkin' off into the night)
Hmm, brandy or beer? Waters a good idea,
Wish that bar lady'd appear; and come serve over here.
Where the fuck could they be? still not over in the corner,
This nights a tragedy, i keep thinking i saw her.
And i'm thinkin'...
(Lights are blinding my eyes)
No thats not them, thats not them either...
And i'm thinkin'...
(People pushin' by, and walkin' off into the night)
I'm still not feeling anything, this has got to be a dud.
It's been ages since i necked it, and smoked six tabs to the nub.
Belly's not even tingling, i just feel a bit pissed..
No-one looks like minglin', i cant see her or him..
And im thinkin'...
(Lights are blinding my eyes)
I'm gonna do another i think. Yeah, one more, these are shit.
And i'm thinkin'...
(People pushin' by, and walkin' off into the night)
These toilets are a piss take, queue's bigger than the door.
Gotta get rid of this pill taste, what are they chattin so much for?
Glad i'm not a girl in this place, they'll be here til dawn.
Sure my belly's tingling a bit, somethings happening im sure.
And im thinkin'...
(Lights are blinding my eyes)
Maybe i shouldnt have done the second one, i feel all fidgety and warm...
(People pushin' by, and walkin' off into the night)
Whoa, everything in the room is spinning, i think i'm going to fall down,
My heart's beating to quick, i'm fucking tripping out.
I wonder whether they got in, turned away no doubt.
Who cares, this is a tune coming in, that one where hes like..
Im thinkin'...
(Lights are blinding my eyes)
My eyes are rolling back, i'm rubbing my thighs with my hand.
And i'm thinkin'...
(People pushin' by, and walkin' off into the night)
Yeah yeah they cheer - can they see my hand in the air?
Need to wave 'em over here. Swear Simone's kissing Dan.
My head is twisted sever, body's rushing everywhere,
They could have texted me when they were near, but i'm fucked and i don't care.
(Lights are blinding my eyes)
What was i thinkin' about? Ah who cares, i'm maaaashed.
(People pushin' by, and walkin' off into the night)
Totally fucked, cant hardly fuckin' stand.
This is fuckin amazing; argh.

"When I Go Down"

I'll tell you flat out
It hurts so much to think of this
So from my thoughts I will exclude
The very thing that
I hate more than everything is
The way I'm powerless
To dictate my own moods

I've thrown away
So many things that could've been much more
And I just pray
My problems go away if they're ignored
But that's not the way it works
No that's not the way it works

When I go down
I go down hard
And I take everything I've learned
And teach myself some disregard
When I go down
It hurts to hit the bottom
And of the things that got me there
I think, if only I had fought them

If and when I can
Clear myself of this clouded mind
I'll watch myself settle down
Into a place where
Peace can search me out and find
That I'm so ready to be found

I've thrown away
The hope I had in friendships
I've thrown away
So many things that could have been much more
I've thrown away
The secret to find an end to this
And I just pray
My problems go away if they're ignored
But that's not the way it works
No that's not the way it works

Any control I thought I had just slips right through my hands
While my ever-present conscience shakes its head and reprimands me
Reprimands me
Then and there
I confess
I'll blame all this on my selfishness
Yet you love me
And that consumes me
And I'll stand up again
And do so willingly

You give me hope, and hope it gives me life
You touch my heavy heart, and when you do you make it light
As I exhale I hear your voice
And I answer you, though I hardly make a noise
And from my lips the words I choose to say
Seem pathetic, but it's fallen man's praise
Because I love you
And life is now worth living
If only because of you
And when they say that I'm dead and gone
It won't be further from the truth

When I go down
I lift my eyes to you
I won't look very far
Cause you'll be there
With open arms
To lift me up again
To lift me up again

"Who I Am Hates Who I've Been"

I watched the proverbial sunrise
Coming up over the Pacific and
You might think I'm losing my mind,
But I will shy away from the specifics...

'cause I don't want you to know where I am
'cause then you'll see my heart
In the saddest state it's ever been.

This is no place to try and live my life.

Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it.
See that line. Well I never should have crossed it.
Stop right there. Well I never should have said
That it's the very moment that
I wish that I could take back.

I'm sorry for the person I became.
I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again
'cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been.

I talk to absolutely no one.
Couldn't keep to myself enough.
And the things bottled inside have finally begun
To create so much pressure that I'll soon blow up.

I heard the reverberating footsteps
Synching up to the beating of my heart,
And I was positive that unless I got myself together,
I would watch me fall apart.

And I can't let that happen again
'cause then you'll see my heart
In the saddest state it's ever been.

This is no place to try and live my life.

Who I am hates who I've been
And who I am will take the second chance you gave me.
Who I am hates who I've been
'cause who I've been only ever made me...

So sorry for the person I became.
So sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again
'cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been.

"Be My Escape"

I’ve given up on giving up slowly, I’m blending in so
You won’t even know me apart from this whole world that shares my fate
This one last bullet you mention is my one last shot at redemption
because I know to live you must give your life away
And I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and
I’ve been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because
I gotta get outta here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging You to be my escape.

I’m giving up on doing this alone now
Cause I’ve failed and I’m ready to be shown how
He’s told me the way and I’m trying to get there
And this life sentence that I’m serving
I admit that I’m every bit deserving
But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair

Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and
I’ve been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because
I gotta get outta here
Cause I’m afraid that this complacency is something I can’t shake
I gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging You to be my escape.

I am a hostage to my own humanity
Self detained and forced to live in this mess I’ve made
And all I’m asking is for You to do what You can with me
But I can’t ask You to give what You already gave

Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and
I’ve been locked inside that house all the while you hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because
I’ve gotta get outta here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I’ve gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging
You to be my escape.

I fought You for so long
I should have let You in
Oh how we regret those things we do
And all I was trying to do was save my own skin
But so were You

So were You

"Pressing On"

I think we're going somewhere.
We're on to something good here.
Out of mind, out of state.
Trying to keep my head on straight.
I think we're going somewhere.
We're on to something good here.
There's only one thing left to do.
Drop all I have and go with you.

Somewhere back there I left my worries all behind.
My problems fell out of the back of my mind.
We're going and I'm never knowing where we're going.
To go back to where I was would just be wrong.
I'm pressing on.
Pressing on, all my distress is going, going, gone.
And I won't sit back, and take this anymore.
'Cause I'm done with that, I've got one foot out the door.
And to go back where I was would just be wrong
I'm pressing on.

I think we're going somewhere.
We're on to something good here.
Out of mind, out of state.
Trying to keep my head on straight.
I think we're going somewhere.
We're on to something good here.
Adversity, we get around it.
Searched for joy, in you I found it.

You look down on me, but you don't look down on me at all.
You smile and laugh, and I feel the love you have for me.
I think we're going somewhere.
We're on to something good here, and we're gonna make it after all.

You Are The Sun

Watching the world through a blacked-out window
You see no sun,
Yet people see light shining in your eyes,
You are the sun for others

Watching children play, wishing you were them,
You start to cry,
People see your child- like tears,
Yet nobody seems to care

Giving light to others,
You realize you're alone
Your flame is burning brightly
Yet you still feel blind

But if you look deep into your heart, and open the window,
You realize,
You are the sun,
Your stars need your brightness,

And one day you will find the special star,
Which will add to your flame,
And you will burn brighter then ever,
Spreading joy and happiness for miles around.



Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.


just because you cannot see the life that you have inside of you does not mean that it isn't there. life sux sometimes and i know this from experience but i am learning along with everyone else in this world that when you hit the bottom there is only one way to go..... up. the light in your eyes, you may not realize how many people you are affecting but you are affecting someone. so let your light shine on and make your world remember you for something great!

let your sun shine and your world know that you are alive

love lots

ashley nichole

This is a poem I wrote for my mother a couple years back

never



i have never felt so lonely in all of my life
the person that should love me the most just wants to make me cry.

i only want to make you love me
i only want to make you see.
that no matter what you do to me,
i will always be your baby.

you gave me life,
thank you for that.


i don't know what to say to you,
i don't know what do do.
all i know is that no matter what,
i will always love you.

no matter how hard i try,
i can never hate you.
no matter what kind of life you lead,
i know you know the truth.

i have been trying all my life to please you and i know i never will
just please let me live my life the way i am living it .


i don't want to talk to you.
i don't want to tell you i care.
i am done with trying to build a relationship
when there is no relationship there.

just leave me alone.
just don't call my name.
i don't want your opinion.
i am done with your game.

never again will i let you hurt me.
never again will i let you make me cry.

i am done with all your crap.
i am done with all your lies.

so don't try to hurt me anymore.


leave me alone!

Life Is A Prison


Life is a prison,
Oh God let me out.
No one to listen,
To hear when you shout.

Climb the walls of insanity,
Ride the waves of despair.
If you fall it don't matter,
There's no one to care.

Used to wish for a window,
To see birds, trees and sky,
But you're better without one -
Stops you aiming too high.

Watching freedom is painful,
For those locked away.
Seeing joy, love and happiness,
Another price that you pay.

Strong is good, weak is bad.
Be it false, be it true.
Your mind makes the choice,
And enforces it too.

Cell walls built by society,
With rules to adhere.
If you breach the acceptable,
You had better beware.

Hide the pain, carry on,
Routine is the key.
Don't let on that you're not,
What you're pretending to be.

Lock it all up inside you,
How badly that bodes.
Look out for that one day,
When it all just explodes.

Leaving naught but a shell,
Base functionality too.
But killing all else,
That was uniquely you.

So how do you grow,
With a timebomb inside?
Or how to defuse it,
Without destroying its ride?

You can't.
____________________________________________________

Slow Tears


I look up
as a tear rolls slowly
down my cheek
I think about better days
and wonder if I'll feel that way again
you look at me
with those eyes I know so well
always serious, so deep and insightful
as though you're always in control
But not today
not now
Now you look so scared
like for once you don't have the answer
I gaze at you
looking deep into those hazel eyes
Hoping to understand
why you've said those things you did
I wonder for a moment
if this is all a dream
if I shall wake in the morning
and be relieved
you look at me
with a confusion I have never seen
slowly pull me towards you
and wipe the tears from my cheek

____________________________________________________

I Was Reminded


As we lay there quiet
I was reminded of all the reasons why I lust you
Your smile,
and the way it teased at me seductively
Your laugh,
and the way it tempted me
Your eyes,
and the way they seem to hypnotize me

As we sat there silent
I was reminded of all the reasons why I love you
Your smile,
and the way it brings such life into me
Your laugh,
and the way it makes everything okay
Your eyes,
and the way they seem to read my thoughts

As we stand here now
I am reminded of all the reasons why I try to hate you
Your smile,
and the way it confuses me
Your laugh,
and the way it seems to mock me
Your eyes,
and the way they can look into mine and not feel a thing

These are older poems

1. Life is sexually transmitted.

2. Two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane.

3. It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.

4. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

5. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

6. Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.

7. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.

8. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.

9. Never knock on Death's door; ring the doorbell and run (he hates that).

10. When you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess?

11. If you're living on the edge, make sure you wear your seat belt.

12. The mind is like a parachute; it works much better when it's open.

13. There are two kinds of pedestrians... the quick and the dead.

14. An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

15. A closed mouth gathers no feet.

16. Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

17. It's not hard to meet expenses...they're everywhere.

18. Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better attorney.

Separated by miles of pavement

Loneliness is second nature

Fallen into the ashes of lust

Can't decide if love I should trust

Desperate to get outta this pain

Running from this feeling again

Caught somewhere between the truths

Scared to let myself open to you

Hoping for that one last kiss

You know you are the one I miss

Searching for the peace inside

Not sure what else I have to find

Terrified to jump right in

Torn apart by this confusion