1. Cumming too fast. Every man’s fear. With reason. If you shoot before you see the whites of her eyes, make sure you have a backup plan to ensure her pleasure too.
2. Not cumming soon enough. It may appear to you that humping for an hour without climaxing is the mark of a sex god, but to her it’s more likely the mark of a numb ****. At least buy some intriguing wall hangings, so she has something to hold her interest while you’re playing Marathon Man.
3. Pushing her head down. Men persist in doing this until she’s eyeball-to-penis, hoping that it will lead very swiftly to mouth-to-penis. All women hate this. It’s about steps from being dragged to a cave by their hair. If you want her to use her mouth, use yours; try talking seductively to her; or ask nicely.
4. Moving around during fellatio. Don’t thrust. She’ll do all the moving during fellatio. You just lie there. And lord help you if you grab her head, just don’t.
5. Going for anal and pretending it was a mistake. This is how men earn a reputation for not being able to follow directions. If you want to put it there, ask her first. And don’t think that being drunk or having bad aim is an excuse.
