I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut. I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. Man, I'll just give you money then you give me the doughnut. End of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I just can't imagine a scenario where I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. Some skeptical friend: "Don’t even act like I didn't get that doughnut, I've got the documentation right here. Oh wait, it's at home, in the file... under D... for doughnut"

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how much you play, you'll never be as good as the wall. I played a wall once, they're ****ing relentless.

I think Pizza Hut is the****est pizza chain on the planet, because Pizza Hut will accept all competitor's coupons. That makes me wish I had my own pizza place. "Brad's Pizzeria ... This week's coupon: unlimited free pizza. Special Note: coupon not good at any of the Brad's Pizza locations. Free pizza oven with purchase of a small Coke. Two-for Tuesday: buy one pizza, get one franchise free."

I had a box of Ritz crackers and on the back of the box of Ritz crackers it had all these suggestions as to what to put on top of the Ritz. It said, "Try it with turkey and cheese." "Try it with peanut butter." Oh, c'mon man, they're crackers. That's why I got 'em — I like crackers. There ain't no suggestion: "Put a Ritz on top of a Ritz." I didn't buy 'em 'cuz they're little edible plates.

I saw a wino; he was eating grapes. I was like, "Dude -- you have to wait!"

I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake

I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've traveled to. But first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won't fall down.

One time a guy handed me a picture of himself, and he said, "Here's a picture of me when I was younger." Every picture of you is of when you were younger. "Here's a picture of me when I am older." "You son of a ****, how'd you pull that off? Let me see that camera."

Whenever I hang around a group of friends, I try to make sure we hang out clockwise. That way, if we're photographed, we are easy to identify.

Sometimes I wave to people I don't know. It is very dangerous to wave to people you don't know, because what if they don't have a hand? They'll think you're****. "Look what I got, mother****er. This thing is useful. I'm gonna go pick something up."

I think Visine is only used by potheads. Who else would use Visine? "I use Visine because I don't want people to know that I was swimming."



I got my hair highlighted, because I felt some strands were more important than others

I wanted to get my teeth whitened, but I said, "**** that. I'll get a tan instead."

I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.



Dogs are forever in the push up postion.

If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be ****ed up.

I had a bag of fritos, they were texas grilled fritos. These fritos had grill marks on them. They remind me of something, when we used to fire up the barbeque and throw down some fritos. I can still see my dad with the apron on, better flip that frito, dad, you know how I like mine.

I don't have a microwave, but I do have a clock that occasionally cooks shit.

You scored as Chains/Handcuffs, Your turn on is handcuffs and chains. You like being cuffed/chained to the bed, or cuffing/chaining your partner down. You love the pure ectasy of being in complete control... or letting someone else have complete control over you. Sex isn't sex without control. Chains/Handcuffs 92% Biting 75% Bondage 67% Whips 67% Blind Folds 58% Blood 42%

What's Your Kinky Turn On?
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