I couldn't believe it I felt so numb when she asked me the ultimate question how are you and the cowboy doing? She was having problems in her own relationship with my cousin and was asking me for advice. Of all ppl she was asking me like I have such a great record with men. I looked at her and realized that the cowboy and I had been over for a little over 4 months now. As for the rest of the guys I had kicked them to the curb.
So I sat there and told her look whatever happens happens for a reason. I found myself qouteing every comment I had recieved or sent to my friends as advice.I told her also that no matter what to keep in touch with me that we were friends after all she had been with my cousin a little more then 5 yrs hell we were family.
As I looked down at my cigerette I then told her look the cowboy came back from where ever he was and said he didn't want a relationship with me. The last guy turned out to be married and as for my ex well you know that story you were here when it happened.
She looked at me and smiled and said I wish I was like you you know. I looked at her and said Yeah I know it's hard being me. I don't like being single and hate being alone period but that doesn't mean I going to put up with bullshit. I'd rather be alone and unhappy and be with someone whose the reason I'm unhappy. I looked around the room and saw all her bags packed and wondered was this really the end of thier relationship or just a bump in the rode.
It wasn't the first time they had broken up. Hell I remember playing that game with my ex until finally I opened my eyes well actually he opened them for me by the things he did. The drugs, the drinking and then he started getting a little to rough. That was it I left him. He was shocked because I never left him he always left me. So he thought we would get back together. We never did he still calls me once in ahwile drunk off his ass from he's baby's momma phone and I ignore it. The last time I saw him He told me" I can't believe it you really ment it when you said you'd never be with me again." I smiled and said I told you I wasn't like the other girls. In which he responded looking at his baby's momma saying "I know."
So I got up from where I was sitting and told her I was going home but I'd be back to check on her later. As I walked home I started thinking I had become numb to everything that had happened to me this past year.
I hadn't thought once about the cowboy or the married guy or my ex. I hadn't even realized I was finally left alone and I was kinda happy. Kinda because even though I am strong for leaving the ex, the married guy, I became weak when the cowboy left me for only a moment I felt that way.
When I got home I had a good cry I finally felt something I wasn't numb anymore my heart was finally breaking and it was bleeding. It was like waking up from a dead sleep, like walking out of the fog like a clear spot on a cloudy day. I realized it was okay to be hurt it was okay to cry it meant I was only human.
I was through being numb because you may get hurt sometimes but once you learn to accept it you can begin to heal.
