NEW DRUGS FOR WOMEN
DAMNITOL
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up
to 8 full hours.
EMPTYNESTROGEN
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness
by
reminding you of
how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't
wait till they moved
out.
ST. MOMMA'S WORT
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering
preschoolers
unconscious for up to two days.
PEPTOBIMBO
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups
swallowed before an
evening out increases breast size, decreases
intelligence, and prevents
conception.
DUMBEROL
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low
IQ, resulting in
enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.
FLIPITOR
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling
road rage and the
urge to flip off other drivers.
MENICILLIN
Potent a nti-boy-otic for older women. Increases
resistance to such lethal
lines as, "You make me want to be a better person. "
BUYAGRA
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases
potency, duration,
and credit limit of spending spree.
JACKASSPIRIN
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember
your birthday,
anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.
ANTI-TALKSIDENT
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on
anyone too eager to
share their life stories with total strangers in
elevators.
NAGAMENT
When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides
the same irritation
level as nagging him.