ladykadra's blog: "My world..."

My life is chaos I never denied it Walls crumble Others are fortified You can say what you want You can even tear me apart But my will is done Hate me Deny me Go ahead Sacrifice me I open up myself Reliving old wounds Painful reminders Of what I believed true Say what you want Tear me apart What's done is done Rape me Kill me Can't you see You only fulfill me

MAN We have little say in who we love, The heart and fates dictate, Circumstances dissipate our chances, It’s up to cruel destiny to mandate. WOMAN Take my hand… ease my mind. I try to make penance… can’t confess to the priest. It’s been so hard… I chastise myself. How do I live without you? MAN We’re both young… can’t predict to what this will lead, Never asking for more than what you can give. Settling for looks and stolen caresses, Wondering how much longer before we give in. WOMAN I hear your voice deep within me, It calls out to me… beckoning. My entire life I’ve waited for you, Please don’t ask me to not see it through. MAN Smiling brightly… masking the ache, Caught between heaven and hell, Familiar strangers amidst the crowd, Hoping they can’t see through our charade. WOMAN Every breath, every step shadowed by you, I can’t give you up… tomorrow is so far away. Do you feel the same pain? My heart bleeds… Tell me when will it cease… when can I breathe? MAN I yearn for time to stop… for an escape, Life goes on outside of these walls, We both have families that need us, Still I cannot walk away. WOMAN Feeling your fingers brush my cheek, Your lips on my skin… oh god I am weak. I want you to hold me… kiss my tears away. Don’t ever let me go. MAN You’re always on my mind, The funny faces you make… your teasing smile. The way you give yourself… tremble in my embrace, How can I ever let you go? WOMAN Say you love me… take me away. MAN One word… will you end my pain? TOGETHER Today, tomorrow and forever.

Lonely days and nights, Silent tears flowed, Clouding judgment, Darkened souls reduced my heart. Seeking refuge in pain and darkness, Sheltering my grief from the world, Come and set me free, Release me… Please don’t be afraid, Touch the flames Touch my soul, Save me from myself, Sleeping Beauty waits, A prisoner in her sleep, Poor Cinderella slaved, Worked hand and foot, Damn fairy tales… Ignorance is bliss! Come and set me free, Release me… Please don’t be afraid, Touch the flames Touch my soul, Save me from myself, Unwanted child, A shadow since birth, Ungrateful bitch, Lost in hell, Embracing the flames… Trapped within, Come and set me free, Release me… Please don’t be afraid, Touch the flames Touch my soul, Save me from myself, I’ve walked alone, Running through fantasies, Unable to see through my delusions, Desperately clinging…. Afraid to face my nightmare, Too confront that which is me,

Bereft of all innocence Holding on to pious beliefs Daily affirmations Waiting for an absolution No one to hear my confessions Blind lamb slaughtered Sacrificed for divinity In darkness I live In shadows I seek Weeping my sad lament For that taken from me Enslaved by my benediction Bloody sacrament Feasting on god's nectar Angel without mercy A soulless warrior Living in a dystopia Writing new testaments Chaos is my shield Destruction is my blade Mocking the commandments Taking my place above all I am he... Forgiver... Savior... The Redeemer

Last night I looked within myself, There hidden between tissue and organs it laid, A battered and bruised heart, Too broken to mend or repair. Words cut deep… deeper than a bullet or blade. More hurtful than the sticks that broke on my back, Or the beatings that marred my young flesh, Bruises fade and heal yet memories remain. I opened my heart and let you in, With a child’s love and a woman’s heart, I allowed you to mold me, to break me and destroy me, Still I am not good enough for you. My tears, my blood and my body weren’t enough. You had to go further within. I lost my thoughts… your word was god. Slowly bleeding inside… masking the pain that was killing me. I tried to end the pain… pushed that steak knife into my vein. Crying softly wondering when it will stop. I broke free and tried to fly, only to have you rip my wings away. Once I again I gave in… allowed you to make me doubt myself. I listened to your lies, I believed your hate. Lowered my eyes, in fear someone would see my shame. Tarnished… consumed with disgust. Why? Please tell me why did I deserve this? I’m not normal, I’m not sane. Everything I touch is tainted with my filth. You made me the hollow shell I am today. Always said you loved me… how can you destroy what you love? Your words of love are hard to bare. I gave you my innocence, my dreams, my love. Living this life alone… searching for what doesn’t exist, A hurting child… a broken woman.

Threads of Hate You claim you are better, All wrapped up in denial, Refusing to acknowledge, You are nothing but waste! Paranoia grips you, Like a coward you hide, Changing your name, Your poison spreads wide. Holier than thou, While your brethren dies, Lies, betrayals and fights, How can you sleep at night? Look at your children... What do you feel? Thy blessed womb... Once sacred now despised. Life is for the living, Death is for the weak, Tell me where do you fit in? Or are you trapped within your misery? From the bowels of creation Five generations of hate Every seed fell from the tree, Birth sealed our fate. Time heals all scars, Flesh mends... bruises fade, Always dragged me down, Your obsession was my demise. Did you ever think... just once, That'll I'll come back, Never quitting, Living to see beyond your filth. Keeping my stain concealed, Feeling it scorch my soul, Torn between loyalty... Ever distant absolution. Now I live in darkness, Shadows haunt my step, Voices long gone still echo, Cries never forgotten. Every bit of sanity gone, Lost my soul... Pray to your saints, My reckoning is done.