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ladykadra's blog: "My world..."

created on 01/14/2008  |  http://fubar.com/my-world/b178126

Broken Inside

Last night I looked within myself, There hidden between tissue and organs it laid, A battered and bruised heart, Too broken to mend or repair. Words cut deep… deeper than a bullet or blade. More hurtful than the sticks that broke on my back, Or the beatings that marred my young flesh, Bruises fade and heal yet memories remain. I opened my heart and let you in, With a child’s love and a woman’s heart, I allowed you to mold me, to break me and destroy me, Still I am not good enough for you. My tears, my blood and my body weren’t enough. You had to go further within. I lost my thoughts… your word was god. Slowly bleeding inside… masking the pain that was killing me. I tried to end the pain… pushed that steak knife into my vein. Crying softly wondering when it will stop. I broke free and tried to fly, only to have you rip my wings away. Once I again I gave in… allowed you to make me doubt myself. I listened to your lies, I believed your hate. Lowered my eyes, in fear someone would see my shame. Tarnished… consumed with disgust. Why? Please tell me why did I deserve this? I’m not normal, I’m not sane. Everything I touch is tainted with my filth. You made me the hollow shell I am today. Always said you loved me… how can you destroy what you love? Your words of love are hard to bare. I gave you my innocence, my dreams, my love. Living this life alone… searching for what doesn’t exist, A hurting child… a broken woman.
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