Last night I looked within myself,
There hidden between tissue and organs it laid,
A battered and bruised heart,
Too broken to mend or repair.
Words cut deep… deeper than a bullet or blade.
More hurtful than the sticks that broke on my back,
Or the beatings that marred my young flesh,
Bruises fade and heal yet memories remain.
I opened my heart and let you in,
With a child’s love and a woman’s heart,
I allowed you to mold me, to break me and destroy me,
Still I am not good enough for you.
My tears, my blood and my body weren’t enough.
You had to go further within.
I lost my thoughts… your word was god.
Slowly bleeding inside… masking the pain that was killing me.
I tried to end the pain… pushed that steak knife into my vein.
Crying softly wondering when it will stop.
I broke free and tried to fly, only to have you rip my wings away.
Once I again I gave in… allowed you to make me doubt myself.
I listened to your lies, I believed your hate.
Lowered my eyes, in fear someone would see my shame.
Tarnished… consumed with disgust.
Why? Please tell me why did I deserve this?
I’m not normal, I’m not sane.
Everything I touch is tainted with my filth.
You made me the hollow shell I am today.
Always said you loved me… how can you destroy what you love?
Your words of love are hard to bare.
I gave you my innocence, my dreams, my love.
Living this life alone… searching for what doesn’t exist,
A hurting child… a broken woman.