April 25, 2007 11:25 pm EST (in Tennessee)
It’s weird being here again…seeing the faces that I remember from over ten years ago…those faces that produced so much hate. Those faces that implanted recollections which I now know could never be erased no matter what—merely stashed away in those cobweb-cluttered corners of my mind. Memories hiding amongst the chaos and disorganization of so many more complications, revealing themselves like a new gray hair—waiting to be colored…covered…concealed. The cupboards we fill with essentials and non essentials…the spices that we haven’t used in months…the ones we should throw out, but some strange instinct or learned behavior prompts us to slide them right back and leave them there…Do they provide us with comfort? Is that why we keep them? But, no—memories aren’t like stale herbs in many ways. We don’t have the option of discarding them, only displacing them. So we manage through them, as burned into our psyche as they are; and we learn to laugh amid all the bullshit anyway because there is no other way. Or if there happens to be, I have yet to discover that. Reality can not be avoided; however there are occasions where we must detour. Change the scenery. Eat a whole pie or drink a bottle of wine all to ourselves. That is the harsh reality of the lesson…or the not so harsh reality of the lesson. Detours. Smelling the fucking flowers and rolling around in the grass just to shake off the dust. Despite what “Life” hurls at us, beats us down with or otherwise confounds.
