Its fragile. Im not some big ole perfect human, no I'm flawed. I like to try and see the world as some happy place, but its not, its horrid. I have thoughts of suicide almost daily. I am sad. I am lonely. I live in utter despair.
I try to find other avenues to help take my mind off my pain, but even that doesn't always work. Than I become irritated, and I lash out to those who care. Than I am ashamed of myself, and those feelings of suicide are even stronger, cause it is than, that I know I would be the least missed.
I should work, but why? For me? I hate who I am, why fucking bother. They say I have tons of talent, and many skills, yet without confidence, something a lack a lot of, they will never get noticed. People don't take a chance on a maybe or even a might.....everyone requires that sure thing.
I don't offer sure things. Relationships, sure...friendships sure. If I can't have love in my life, FUCK ALL WHO DO. Walk in my shoes for the many years I have, and tell me something different. You think you know what its like to be lonely? Guess again buster.
I am a flawed flawed human, who has utter hate for people who are couples, always have, and probably always will. You have what I've never had, and have always wanted. When one of you fucks it up, I think your an idiot, yet I smile at the same time....but its okay, its usually an asshole who fucks it up, and there 5,000,000,000 women out there who just LOVE assholes. Cunts.
