I was recalling some arguments I've had with my parents the other night and the whole topic and challenge of being a parent has been nagging at the edges of my brain for a while now. Also, how some parents try to manipulate their children.
Argument: My father once yelled at me for almost 2 hours, reapeating the same stuff about how since HE was the parent, he didn't have to explain anything to me; I just had to do what he said without question, regardless of whether or not I believed it to be right. HE said it, so I would have to believe that way, act that way, etc.
My Response: It's not that I'm going against him, or trying to be a rebellious person necessarily. However, if something doesn't resonate with my mind in a pleasant way, or is even the slightest bit questionable to me, I want to know why I'll be doing that thing. What good will it do other people? Will it hurt other people? Will it hurt me? When I tried to explain this, he told me to shut my mouth or I'd be smacked for being a disrespectful child.
Next argument, this time with my mother.
Argument: Around the time that gay marriage (Allow it or no?) was going on, I asked her what she voted on, because I wasn't old enough to vote. She voted against it, and when I asked her why, she came up with something about how it would be a violation of the law, federal or religiously: That marriage is to reproduce. (Of course, this is upscaling her use of language. Majorly.)
My Response: (Note: My mother doesn't know I'm bi, and if she did, she'd kick me out of the house. I'm not "not standing up for what I believe in", I'm deciding the best course of action for myself right now. I can't support myself yet, so I have to remain in my house for the time being.)
That being so, I could not wholeheartedly debate this topic with her or else she'd question me. But I did get very upset. Yes, I know that she's from another generation, but times change, and so do people and what is thought. Also, if marriage is to reproduce, then shouldn't infertile men and women not be allowed to marry either? The simple thought that homosexuality is "gross" and "isn't right" is uneducated and closed-minded. This is shown especially when those people are asked why they think that way. Their response is one of two things usually: "The Bible says so," or, my favorite, "It just is." The first response shows your willingness to use that as an excuse and shows you listen to whatever other people say as a whole. The second is just a moronic response to what you can't back up yourself with independant thought, relying on the responses of others to back you up.
Anyway, the point of those two arguments is to portray the manipulation that parents try to force on their children. To think like they do, to act like they do, to do everything in the exact same manner. This really bothers me. In this world where "being yourself" is promoted, in reality, "being yourself" makes you some sort of freak in other people's eyes.
I know this because I'm called a freak often, hear whispers as I walk by because of what I'm wearing or how I look (people still can't get over the combination of dark clothes and my naturally blonde hair), and am looked down upon by my parents for not being exactly what they want me to be. I am criticized for my thoughts, my feelings, my art because they are different from the norm.
Yes, sometimes having a limited number of friends because of my beliefs kind of gets me down. Even knowing what I know gets me down at times. And frequently, the night that the last of my innocence was taken from me when I was kicked out of my house for a night haunts me.
But I'd rather be in a group of outcasts than a circle of lies and betrayal. I'd rather be myself than who someone wants me to be. And I'd rather have... that... happen to me than someone else, would rather have the knowledge of how people truly can be now than be let down later.
Class is over...
§ Jessica §
