Hello everyone. Mama Dru died today. Yeah, I'm not gonna sit here sugar coating shit. She's gone. I know you're gonna be like "OMG. What happened?" I don't know. She died. Don't know how, and we're not gonna have an autopsy done. Could've been a couple of things.
Laura and Kerry both came here today and were like "I read your previous blogs before. Damn, that's crazy." I didn't think she was this close to death. I was here last night and she was fine. She was FUCKING FINE!!! I go to bed after 5 AM, and wake up to the sound of my mother screaming "MAMA!!!" from downstairs. I knew what happened instantly. Don't know how though, and I still don't.
Called people, people came, pop made funeral arrangements I guess, called more people, people called us, and I decided to call Amber, Sonya, and Teresa to let them know what was going on. Left a message on Leigh's voicemail. Didn't think of anyone else to call. Christine maybe but...*shrugs* Time is sketchy with her. Anyone else you can read it here or I'll text message you on Mark's phone.
Throughout the day, everyone has said "if there's anything I can do, you let me know." Jay said it best. "I fuckin hate that shit. NO there ain't shit you can do. Can you buy a pulse? Can you replace a heart? Can you wake the dead? Then fuck you." Well, so I improvised a small amount, but that's pretty much what he said. Jay and I went in the back to Mom's room. He looked at me and said "Scotty, the last time I seen your face like that Mama Dessa died." I simply told him "...it doesn't change" and he nodded in agreement. I appreciate the thought, but the only other thing that anyone can do for me is take me away from here. For a day, for a week. I need to breathe some new air, but I want to be with someone close to me. I've hugged family all day and I'll hug a lot more as time progresses. I'm here for them as they are for me, and I know the same can be said for all of you.
So I'm super emotional right now and I'm gonna say I love everyone. I'm sorry for being who I'm not. The last couple of days I been jealous, mad, attention-starved, and unhappy. Last night I realized this. Sonya helped me realize it. She helped me remember who I am, but I was acting like a fool towards her I feel like. She's keeping me straight. Those who dislike her, don't. She's a wonderful person. She's not out to hurt me, but it's more me doing the damage to myself since I love her so much. She wants me to stay away, but to still be a friend. Same can be said for a few people. But you know what, I'm better off as a friend, and that's what you all have in me, and you've let me see that I have that in you also.
Even Raquel called today. I haven't heard from her in a long time, but somehow she called today. I've been a bit upset with her, and I shouldn't have been. She sees me as the same friend everyone else does. I'm not hiding behind emotions anymore. I'm just gonna come out and be Scott. The kind, selfless person I always have been, but not a fool. Still gonna maintain my wit and keep with the jokes and minor teasing. I feel like I'm being upgraded. If there's something you want to do for me? Just love me for who I am, and don't give me shit for what I'm not.
