It's been so long since I've had the nightmares, I was actually beginning to think I was getting over them. I have been sleeping better & happier than I have been in so many years lately. Reality always kicks me in the ass, it comes back to haunt me in my deepest quietest moments when it knows it can effect me the most without me fighting back. Two nights in a row now of reliving horrid scenes, screaming inside, tormenting dreams. I don't want them back, I want the damn future, I'm sick of my fucked up past. I had to take xanax as soon as I woke up this morning my whole body was trembling, I haven't had to do that in awhile. I am still, hours later with hands shaking as I write this. I thought it was all gone, why is it back? Why can't they just leave me the fuck alone?? I refuse to go back into my fucking shell and shy away from people again. I have my friends back, some new, some old and I'm not going anywhere this time. It would be so nice to have someone to reach out and hold onto when it strikes instead of the empty sheets, just to have that little grasp of my present reality not my past.
~This too shall pass, right??~
