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it isnt like neone reads these things and if they do it isnt like they do to really give input it is usually to insult someone or put someone down ust like on the mumms right now i feel like a failier in life i have been getting this way often for some reason it is weird nothing has changed in my life i am still single and pathetic cause i wont do nething about it to change it so i am at the fault of my own demise it has been getting worse lately with my roomate flaunting her new man in front of me all the time and how happy she is and going out everynite as i stay hme and babysit her daughter and the sad part when i do go out which isnt often i dont go out of my way to talk to neone cause i almost feel like i dont deserve to be happy because i have been miserable for so long i dont know nething else i am sure that i am going to get some rude comments but to be honest i could care less i am my own worst enemy you cant say nething to me i havent said to my self it is like i am afraid to feel nething for neone now dont get me wrong i think the world of my roommatew she is like my sister and best friend and her daughter means the world to me i dont know what i would do with out them i dont know what to do i really aint looking for advice it is just better for me when i type it out but feel free if you have the answer let me know cause i am lost in my own thoughts like i said this is just therepy for me by for now


well i have been thinking alot lately about alot of things and i am not ashamed to say but i sit alone sometimes and cry about alot of things from money to being alone which is a choice and i cant understand why it upsets me so much other than i would rather be alone than with someone and have a chance of getting hurt it gets really bad around the holidays especially i know it is ironic well i had to get it off my chest so there it is i cry and i dont know why
Well first off dont criticize my spelling or grammer this is just random thoughts i can remember from my dream well now that is out of the way i had a dream last nite that i have had once before the last time i had it i was really shook up by it it was my father coming to me in my dream and telling me that i am a dissappointment to him that i have nothing in my life and he was ashamed i was his son like i said this really shook me up the first time well this time it did upset me i woke up in tears yes tears ill admit i cry i am a man but i cry and i think anyone would if it happened to them to be honest i really dont have anything to show for my life everything i have is a shitty car some random stuff but other than that nothing i am not even dating which doesnt bother me the only thing i have really is my god daughter and my best friend and a few friends i mean it is enough for me but i cant understand why i would dream my father coming to me and telling me that i am a complete failure in life ohh well i just needed to let it out before i broke down and had a mental break down thank you Stephen R Reed
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