Buried at PhotoCasket.com
I have decided that I'm going to confess my mistakes, the price I pay for these mistakes and the way I feel about all of it.
Almost two years ago I met a man who ended up being the most wonderful man I'd ever had the chance to love. I grew to love him more and more with every passing day. Of course we had good times and bad ones but even though the bad times sucked the good ones were so wonderful that I don't think anything could compare. Unfortunatly earlier this year he had to leave and that's where my horrable mistakes began.
I let my pain, saddness, lonliness and fears take control of me. The first huge mistake I made was letting this man go. Not only did the things mentioned before cause me to do this but there was one other thing. I started to believe that I would never do anything except hold him back and the he would be much better off without me. So even though in my heart I didn't really want to let go of him I did. It was one of the hardest and most painful things I ever did.
Second mistake was letting somone into my life that I really shouldn't have. At first he played the part of a decent friend and as time went by during my lowest point he managed to make himself more. Turns out though the only things he manged to do was hurt me both physically and emotionally and unfortuantly he got me pregnant. I manages though to gather up what strength I had left and get him out of my life as quickly as I let him in. (About the only thing I did right.)
Now back to the man I spoke of originally. We started talking again and for a while things were going really well. I let myself believe that we might have a second chance to try and make things work. I know that he is my true love and I don't believe that is something you get more than one chance at in a life time. I will never find anyone that can compare to him, love me the way he loved me or make me feel the way he can. I know this in my heart and I have no urge to even try. I so looked foward to talking to him everyday be it on the computer or on the phone. It was something that would shine a little light on my days. When he would say he loved me my heart would melt and I would feel this extream warmth well up inside of me.
Anyway now I'm not so sure that this second chance will happen because of the stupid mistakes I made and the pain I caused. I don't blame him for having doubts and I'm not angry because of it I mean who could be after the things that happend. I want him to know though that I love him and care for him more than I could possably express to you here. I don't think he know the lengths I would be willing to go to try and make things right if given the chance. I will love him forever this I know there is nothing I can do that will make those feelings stop, I mean I tried and it was impossable. No matter what he will always have a special place in my heart and that's just the way it is.
Anyway I'm going to stop rambling on now but I may start again later you never know.
Buried at PhotoCasket.com
