1. I am thy Craig. Thou shalt have no other Craigs before me.
a. This means if you know another Craig he must change his name at once. Or you must start calling him a different name. Like Bob or something.
2.You may not own any images of Craig or Craig's minions.
a. This means if you have or know of any pictures of Craig you must destroy them at once. Really I know there are still some naked pictures floating around please get rid of them thanks.
3.Do not swear falsely by the name of the Craig.
a. Simply put you may not say Fuck Craig. Well unless you intend to. But you get my meaning.
4.Remember Craig day and keep it holy.
a. Craig day is any day that I drink. Which is pretty much most days these days.
5.Honor your father and mother...unless of course you think the father is me. That being the case I was not in the country and it could not be mine.
6. Do not murder. Unless you are in Texas in which case there is the whole he needed killing thing. Then it is okay.
7. Do not commit adultery. Unless she is really hot and not my wife then I will let it slide.
8. Do not steal. Okay I really cant twist this one. Stealing is wrong no matter how you slice and dice it. So it stands.
9.Do not bear false witness against your neighbor unless you stand to make a large sum of cash and cut me in for 25%.
10.Do not covet your neighbor's wife. See 7th Commandment.
11. Thou shalt not drink anything but Jameson Whiskey and Guiness.
I give you these 11 Commandments to help you live you life and stay ahead of the curve. If you break these commandments you can ask forgiveness but be aware there will be a $1,250 per offense to obtain absolution.
