A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."
Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
25 Ways to Confuse Trick-or-Treaters
1. Give away something other than candy. (Toothpicks, bags of sand, golf balls etc).
2. Wait behind te door until some people come,when they get near the door jump out, wearing a cosume and holding a bag, and yell "Trick or treat"! Look at them , scratch your head and act confused.
3. Fill a brief case with marbles and crackers and write on it 'top secret'. When trick or treaters come look around supiciously and say "Its about time you got here", give them the briefcase and quickly shut the door.
4. Get about 30 people to wait in you living room, when trick or treaters come to the door say ,"Come in". when they do everyone yell "Surprise!!!" and act like its a surprise party.
5. Get everyone who comes to the door to come in and see if they can figure out whats wrong with your dishwasher. Insist it makes an unnatural 'whirring' sound.
6. After you give them candy hand the trick or treaters a bill.
7. Open the door dressed as a giant fish, collapse and don't move or speak until the trick or treaters go away.
8. When you answer the door hold up one candy bar throw it onto the street and yell "Crawl for it!".
9. When you answer the door act scarred look at the trick or treaters and act shocked and scarred and start screaming your head off.
Slam the door and run around the house screaming until the go away.
10. Insist the trick or treaters do 10 push ups before you give them anythng.
11. Hand out menus to the trick or treaters and let them order thier candy , keep asking if anyone wants to see the wine list.
12. Get a catapult sit on your porch and catapult pumpkins at anyone who comes wiithin 50 yards of your house.
13. When people come to the door jump out a near by window crashing through the glass and run.
14. Answer the door dressed as a pilgrim. Stare at the trick or treaters for a moment and act confused then start flipping through your calender.
15. Instead of candy give away coloured eggs and if anyone protests explain the eggs are the only thing you have left over from easter.
16. Answer the door dressed as a dentist and angrily give the trick-or-treaters a 2-hour lecture on tooth decay.
17. Answer the door with a mouthful of M&M's and half eaten candy bars, act surprised and close the door, get rid of the bars reopen the door and insist you dont have any candy
18. Hand out cigarettes and asprin.
19. Put a crown on a pumpkin and put the pumpkin on a throne on your porch, insist all trick or treaters bow before the pumkin.
20. Dress up as lord voldermort (the evil skinny dude from harry potter) and insist the trick or treaters all be killed, point a tick at them and shout "Avada Kedavra! Avada Kedavra!!! Diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiie you stupid muggles!
21.Place bear traps about your front yard to enforce the "keep off the grass" sign
22.Pass out your candy from the side of a moving van.
23.Teach the true meaning of halloween using peyote buttons and an overhead projector.
24.have kids bob for apples,only theyre not apples ,but dog testicles from the spca
25.Make caramel apples,only bake the caramel so that they are inedible without breaking a tooth.
