Marla's blog: "From Bulletin Board"

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?" In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something." Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?" The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

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25 Ways to Confuse Trick-or-Treaters 1. Give away something other than candy. (Toothpicks, bags of sand, golf balls etc). 2. Wait behind te door until some people come,when they get near the door jump out, wearing a cosume and holding a bag, and yell "Trick or treat"! Look at them , scratch your head and act confused. 3. Fill a brief case with marbles and crackers and write on it 'top secret'. When trick or treaters come look around supiciously and say "Its about time you got here", give them the briefcase and quickly shut the door. 4. Get about 30 people to wait in you living room, when trick or treaters come to the door say ,"Come in". when they do everyone yell "Surprise!!!" and act like its a surprise party. 5. Get everyone who comes to the door to come in and see if they can figure out whats wrong with your dishwasher. Insist it makes an unnatural 'whirring' sound. 6. After you give them candy hand the trick or treaters a bill. 7. Open the door dressed as a giant fish, collapse and don't move or speak until the trick or treaters go away. 8. When you answer the door hold up one candy bar throw it onto the street and yell "Crawl for it!". 9. When you answer the door act scarred look at the trick or treaters and act shocked and scarred and start screaming your head off. Slam the door and run around the house screaming until the go away. 10. Insist the trick or treaters do 10 push ups before you give them anythng. 11. Hand out menus to the trick or treaters and let them order thier candy , keep asking if anyone wants to see the wine list. 12. Get a catapult sit on your porch and catapult pumpkins at anyone who comes wiithin 50 yards of your house. 13. When people come to the door jump out a near by window crashing through the glass and run. 14. Answer the door dressed as a pilgrim. Stare at the trick or treaters for a moment and act confused then start flipping through your calender. 15. Instead of candy give away coloured eggs and if anyone protests explain the eggs are the only thing you have left over from easter. 16. Answer the door dressed as a dentist and angrily give the trick-or-treaters a 2-hour lecture on tooth decay. 17. Answer the door with a mouthful of M&M's and half eaten candy bars, act surprised and close the door, get rid of the bars reopen the door and insist you dont have any candy 18. Hand out cigarettes and asprin. 19. Put a crown on a pumpkin and put the pumpkin on a throne on your porch, insist all trick or treaters bow before the pumkin. 20. Dress up as lord voldermort (the evil skinny dude from harry potter) and insist the trick or treaters all be killed, point a tick at them and shout "Avada Kedavra! Avada Kedavra!!! Diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiie you stupid muggles! 21.Place bear traps about your front yard to enforce the "keep off the grass" sign 22.Pass out your candy from the side of a moving van. 23.Teach the true meaning of halloween using peyote buttons and an overhead projector. 24.have kids bob for apples,only theyre not apples ,but dog testicles from the spca 25.Make caramel apples,only bake the caramel so that they are inedible without breaking a tooth.

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Read Each One Carefully and Think About It a Second or Two 1. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you. 2. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry. 3. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. 4. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart. 5. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them. 6. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile. 7. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world. 8. Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you. 9. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful. 10. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened. 11. There are always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around. 12. Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you. 13. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to. REMEMBER: WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS FOR A REASON.

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1. It is important to find a man who works around the house, occasionally cooks and cleans and who has a job. 2. It is important to find a man who makes you laugh. 3. It is important to find a man who is dependable, respectful and doesn't lie. 4. It is important to find a man who's good in bed and who loves to have sex with you. 5. It is important that these four men never meet.

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Questions Men Fear 1. What are you thinking about? 2. Do you love me? 3. Do I look fat in this? 4. Do you think she is prettier than me? 5. What would you do if I died? What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e., tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses. Question # 1: What are you thinking about? The proper answer to this, of course, is: " I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you." This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following: a. Football. b. Golf. c. How fat you are. d. How much prettier she is than you e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died. Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!" Question # 2: Do you love me? The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear." Inappropriate responses include: a. Oh Yeah, sh@*-loads. b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes? c. That depends on what you mean by love. d. Does it matter? e. Who, me? Question # 3: Do I look fat? The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Among the incorrect answers are: a. Compared to what? b. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin. c. A little extra weight looks good on you. d. I've seen fatter. e. Sorry what did you say? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died. Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me? Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Incorrect responses include: a. Yes, but you have a better personality b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner c. Not as pretty as you when you were her age d. Define pretty e. Sorry what did you say ? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died. Question # 5: What would you do if I died? A definite no-win question.(The real answer, of course, is "Buy a Lotus and a Boat"). No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the these lines: Woman: Would you get married again? Man: Definitely not! Woman: Why not - don't you like being married? Man: Of course I do. Woman: Then why wouldn't you remarry? Man: Okay, I'd get married again. Woman: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face) Man: (makes audible groan) Woman: Would you sleep with her in our bed? Man: Where else would we sleep? Woman: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her? Man: That would seem like the proper thing to do. Woman: And would you let her use my golf clubs? Man: She can't use them; she's left-handed. Woman: - - - silence - - - Man: SHIT.

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Bumper Stickers Give me coffee and no one gets hurt. Don't wash this vehicle - Undergoing scientific dirt test Cover me. I'm changing lanes. Keep honking, I'm reloading He who laughs last thinks slowest Is reading in the bathroom considered Multi-Tasking? You must be from the shallow end of the gene pool. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me Jesus is coming, everyone look busy Your College Sucks I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person The Earth Is Full - Go Home As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools My kid had sex with your honor student.

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A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane. The stewardess rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job, and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica." The disgusted stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica." The head stewardesses doesn't even know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off; the blode is causing a problem with boarding now, so the stewardess gets the copilot. The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head stewardess asks the copilot in amazement what he said to get her to move to her correct seat. The copilot replies, "I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica."

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This is for all you girls 30 years and over... And for those who are turning 30, and for those who are scared of moving into their 30's... AND for guys who are scared of girls over 30!!!!... This was a monologue by Andy Rooney from the CBS show, 60 Minutes Andy Rooney said: As I grow in age, I value women who are over 30 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why: A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think. If a woman over 30 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it's usually something more interesting. A woman over 30 knows herself well enough to be assured in whom she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 30 give a hoot what you might think about her or what she's doing. Women over 30 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it. Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved They know what it's like to be unappreciated. A woman over 30 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women. Women over 30 couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won't betray her. Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 30. They always know. A woman over 30 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 30 is far sexier than her younger counterpart. Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk & if you are acting like one! You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her. Yes, we praise women over 30 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 30+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress. Ladies, I apologize. For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free". Here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire Pig, just to get a little sausage.

This is just sick....... how much before you're thin enough? Girls: Stop calling each other fat. People take that seriously. And this is what can happen. Guys: You call a girl fat. You tell her to lose some weight. But is this attractive to you?? I didn't think so.

Being in an online love relationship is a difficult, but very rewarding experience. Sometimes, as in many difficult experiences, negative thoughts can creep into your mind. If you find yourself wondering why you, or possibly even a friend, are in an online love relationship, take a moment and read through these Lovingyou.com user's thoughts and experiences for a few answers. "I believe that the best part of an online love is that the two people get to bond mentally and spiritually long before they ever make a physical bond. They get to know one another's heart and soul, and that is the most important part of any relationship." -Mary Sammons "Finally meeting them is the best... in person I mean." -Sandy "You both get to have your own space. You're not smothered, and you don't get tired of each other." -Charlene "We know a lot about each other just from talking, but there are still many things that we don't know and that adds a type of mystery to the relationship." -SAK "It lets me be who I want to be in the most open and honest way that I can." -allison "You can learn all about that person, and it's easier to share feelings with each other that you probably wouldn't if you met them somewhere." -rachel "Knowing that person more so than you would if you meet them somewhere else." -Anna "It's two things. The first is that because of the medium you (well we at least) are dependent on e-mails and certainly talk about a great many more things than we might have had we met at a bar or something. Secondly, that you can spend time with your beloved without having to dust or vacuum the place." -Spiffy "One of best things I have found out about in an online relationship is communication skills. You really learn how to express yourself fully with words. And when you do get to spend time together it makes it more special since you don't need to spend time finding out favorite colors, songs, movies etc." -Melissa Vladar "You get to 'know' the person without any pressures of sex or intimacy. So once you are together you will know what to do and it will seem as though you have been together forever. Online means no complications if you do not want them." -Adena "The best thing about being in an online relationship is knowing that you are loved for who you are, not what you look like." -S. Mazingo "The fact that even if you get into a disagreement, both of you don't end up fighting and hurting each other physically. Words are enough to end a disagreement." -Yewande Fasoranti "The best thing about being in an online relationship is the opportunity to know a person's heart, soul and character without the distraction of their physical persona. True beauty of spirit can make the most plain person into an intoxicatingly beautiful love." -Debra Williams "Learning about your lover much more deeply than if they were right next door. Having the chance to talk about what matters, their interests, instead of doing the things you'd do if he/she were right there." -Manny "The best thing about being in a LDR/online relationship is the communication and plans that both of you talk and make. You develop either great talking or listening skills." -Sandy

Public Service Announcement If you've heard that nasty rumor that I am human, please ignore it. I am evil and heartless. Dogs and cats run from me and grown men fear me. Now, please be sure to explain this to the small children and babies who follow me around everywhere trying to kiss and to hug me. They are in danger! This concludes your public service message. You may return to your regularly schedule programming already in progress.

-Brown Eyes- -Sex Addicts!!!sexy as hell,people with brown eyes are very attractive, adorable, love to make new friends. Will do anything for that special person. Kind and polite Can make anyone laugh or cheer them up. Loves to please the one they care for or love,very good kissers, are straight up WARRIORS, repost this if you have brown eyes, and you will find the one that you are meant to be with within the next 7 days Blue Eyes- People with blue eyes last the longest in relationships. They are kind, pretty or handsome & very good kissers.they always fall in love with there closest friends and never understand why, they are very funny and outgoing and don't care what people think or say,They are very satisfying and love to please. They can EXCEED your pleasure standards. The best of all. If you repost this and you have blue eyes you will have the best kiss sometime in the next 5 days. Green eyes- -LOVES SEX!!!! People with green eyes have the most passion put into relationships, they have long lasting relationships. People with green eyes are also the horniest and most beautiful. They long for the touch of another. People with green eyes are very sexy and very attracted towards the opposite sex. You will meet the person you're going to spend the rest of your life with if you repost this. -Hazel Eyes- -People with hazel eyes are very loveable. They are really hot and awsome to be around. Their relationship tends to be very honest cause if they aren't truly in love, the relationship won't work. They are very fun to be around but don't enjoy "pet names". They fall easily for their best friends. They don't care what people think or say,They are very satisfying and love to please. They can EXCEED your pleasure standards. They are very laid back and chill and love to just be around. If you repost this and have hazel eyes then you will be happy soon with the person who is on your heart.

According to studies, the first letter of your first name reveals your sexual identity ... What do you think? Repost this with the letter of your first name. -A- You are not particularly romantic, but you are interested in action. You mean business. With you, what you see is what you get. You have no patience for flirting and can't be bothered with someone who is trying to be coy, cute, demure,and subtly enticing. You are an up front person. When it comes to sex, its action that counts not obscure hints.Your mate's physical attractiveness is important to you. You find the chase and challenge of the "hunt" invigorating. You are passionate and sexual as well as being much more adventurous than you appear; however, you do not go around advertising these qualities. Your physical needs are your primary concern. -B- You give off vibes of lazy sensuality. You enjoy being romanced, wined, and dined. You are very happy to receive gifts as an ____expression of the affection of your lover. You want to be pampered and know how to pamper your mate. You are private in your ____expression of endearments and particularly when it comes to lovemaking. You will hold off until everything meets with your approval. You can control your appetite and abstain from sex if need be. You require new sensations and experiences. You are willing to experiment. -C- You are a freaking beast. You are the sexmaster. You do what you want, when you want...and it comes as no surprise because everyone always wants it from you. You are definately the best evAr. Others should stop now to save the embarrassment. -D- Once you get it into your head that you want someone, you move full steam ahead in pursuit. You do not give up your quest easily. You are nurturing and caring. If someone has a problem, this turns you on. You are highly sexual,passionate, loyal, and intense in your involvement,sometimes possessive and jealous. Sex to you is a pleasure to be enjoyed. You are stimulated by the eccentric and unusual, having a free and open mind. -E- Your greatest need is to talk. If your date is not a good listener, you have trouble relating. A person must be intellectually stimulating or you are not interested sexually. You need a friend for a lover and a companion for a bed mate. You hate disharmony and disruption, but you do enjoy a good argument once in a while it seems to stir things up. You flirt a lot, for the challenge is more important than the sexual act for you, but once you give your heart away, you are uncompromisingly loyal. When you don't have a good lover to fall asleep with, you will fall asleep with a good book. (Sometimes, in fact, you prefer a good look.) -F- You are idealistic and romantic, putting your lover on a pedestal. You look for the very best mate you can find. You are a flirt, yet once committed, you are very loyal. You are sensuous, sexual and privately passionate. Publicly, you can be showy, extravagant, and gallant. You are born romantic. Dramatic life scenes are your favorite fantasy pastime. You can be a very generous lover. -G- You are crap in bed! (Remember....I didn't write this!!!! LOLOL) -H- You seek a mate who can enhance your reputation and earning ability. You will be very generous to your lover once you have attained a commitment. Your gifts are actually an investment in your partne r. Before the commitment, though,you tend to be frugal in your spending and dating habits and equally cautious in your sexual involvement. You are a sensual and patient lover. -I- You have a great need to be loved and appreciated... Even worshipped. You enjoy luxury, sensuality, and pleasures of the flesh. You look for lovers who know what they are doing.You are not interested in an amateur, unless that amateur wants a tutor. You are fussy and exacting about having your desires satisfied. You are willing to experiment and try new modes of sexual ____expression.You bore easily and thus require sexual adventure and change. You are more sensual than sexual,but you are sometimes downright lustful. -J- You are totally fucking marvelous! -K- You can be very romantic, attached to the glamour of love.Having a partner is of paramount importance to you. You are free in your _expression of love and are willing to take chances, try new sexual experiences and partners provided it's all in good taste.Brains turn you on. You must feel that your partner is intellectually stimulating otherwise you will find it difficult to sustain the relationship. You require loving,cuddling, wining,and dining to know that you're being appreciated. -L- You are very romantic, idealistic, and somehow you believe that to love means to suffer. You wind up serving your mate or attracting people who have unusual troubles. You see yourself as your lover's savior. You are sincere,passionate, lustful, and dreamy. You can't help falling in love. You really enjoy stimulating yourself, though you are fairly new to it. You fantasize and get turned on by movies and magazines. You do not tell others of this secret life,nor of your sexual fantasies. -M- You are emotional and intense. When involved in a relationship, you throw your entire being into it. Nothing stops you; there are no holds barred. You are all consuming and crave someone who is equally passionate and intense. You are willing to try anything and everything. Your supply of sexual energy is inexhaustible. You are very social and sensual; you enjoy flirting. -N- You need constant stimulation because you bore quickly. You can handle more than one relationship at a time with ease. You believe in total sexual freedom. You are willing to try anything and everything. Your supply of sexual energy is inexhaustible. You are a flirt yet once committed, you are very loyal. You are sensuous, sexual,and privately passionate. Publicly, you can be showy,extravagant, and gallant. You are born romantic. Dramatic love scenes are your favorite fantasy pastime. You can be a very generous lover. -O- You are very interested in sexual ac tivities yet secretive and shy about your desires. You can re-channel much of your sexual energy into making money and/or seeking power. You can easily have extended periods of celibacy. You are a passionate, compassionate, sexual lover, requiring the same qualities from your mate. Sex is serious business; thus you demand intensity and diversity, and are willing to try anything or anyone. Sometimes your passions turn to possessiveness, which must be kept in check. -P- You are very conscious of social proprieties. You wouldn't think of doing anything that might harm your image or reputation. Appearances count, therefore, you require a good-looking partner. You also require an intelligent partner. Oddly enough, you may view your partner as your enemy; A good fight stimulates those sex vibes. You are relatively free of sexual hang-ups. You are willing to experiment and try new ways of doing things. You are very social and sensual; you enjoy flirting and need a good deal of physical gratification. -Q- You require constant activity and stimulation. You have tremendous physical energy. It is not easy for a partner to keep up with you, sexually or otherwise. You are an enthusiastic lover and tend to be attracted to people of other ethnic groups. You need romance, hearts and flowers,and lots of conversation to turn you on and keep you going. -R- You are a no-nonsense, action-oriented individual. You need someone who can keep pace with you and who is your intellectual equal the smarter the better. You are turned on more quickly by a great mind than by a great body. However,physical attractiveness is very important to you. You have to be proud of your partner. You are privately very sexy,but you do not brag, you are willing to serve as teacher.Sex is important; you can be a very demanding playmate. -S- You are secretive, self-contained, and shy. You are very sexy, sensual, and passionate, but you do not let on to this. Only in intimate privacy will this part of your nature reveal itself. When it gets down to the nitty-gritty, you are an expert. You know all the little tricks of the trade, can play any role or any game, and take your love life very seriously. You don't fool around. You have the patience to wait for the right person to come along. -T- You are very sensitive, private, and sexually passive; you like a partner who takes the lead. Music, soft lights and romantic thoughts turn you on. You fantasize, but do not tend to fall in and out of love easily. When in love, you are romantic, idealistic, mushy, and extremely intense. You enjoy having your senses and your feelings stimulated, titillated, and teased. You are a great flirt. You can make your relationships fit your dreams, often times all in your own head. -U- You are enthusiastic and idealistic when in love. When not in love, you are in love with love, always looking for someone to adore. You see romance as a challenge. You are a roamer and need adventure, excitement, and freedom. You deal in potential relationships. You enjoy giving gifts and enjoy seeing your mate looking good. Your sex drive is strong and you desire instant ratification. You are willing to put your partner's pleasures above your own. -V- You are individualistic, and you need freedom, space, and excitement. You wait until you know someone well before committing yourself. Knowing someone means psyching him out.You feel a need to get into his head to see what makes him tick. You are attracted to eccentric types. Often there is an age difference between you and your lover. You respond to danger, thrills, and suspense. -W- You are very proud, determined, and you refuse to take no for an answer when pursuing love. Your ego is at stake. You are romantic, idealistic, and often in love with love itself, not seeing your partner as he or she really is. You feel deeply and throw all of yourself into your relationships. Nothing is too good for your lover. You enjoy playing love games. -X- You need constant stimulation because you bore quickly. You can handle more than one relationship at a time with ease.You can't shut off your mind. You talk while you make love.You can have the greatest love affairs all by yourself, in your own head. -Y- You are sexual, sensual, and very independent. If you can't have it your way, you will forget the whole thing. You want to control your relationships, which doesn't always work out too well. You respond to physical stimulation, enjoy n ecking and spending hours just touching, feeling and exploring.However, if you can spend your time making money, you will give up the pleasures of the flesh for the moment. You need to prove to yourself and your partner what a great lover you are. You want feedback on your performance. You are an open,stimulating and romantic. -Z- Sorry, there was no "Z" in this transmission. Catching "Z's" no doubt

Your Personal Key to Happiness (Astrology) By Maria Shaw You probably already know a lot about your zodiac sign by reading your favorite horoscope column. But there's more astrology can tell you than you're a workaholic, a great lover or a dedicated family man. The cosmos can also give help you discover something about personal fulfillment, inner peace and happiness. Aries - The Ram finds personal satisfaction by chasing after a goal, even more so that achieving it. For Aries, they need to constantly have something to strive for; to work toward. If you're doing nothing "new" or have no challenges, no mountains to scale, then you could get very bored with life. You crave excitement and find inner happiness with the "chase"; the thrill of the hunt....of course you want to win too. You thrive on competition; proving to yourself and everyone else that you're number one! But it's the "getting there" that matters the most. Happiness Key: Pushing yourself farther than you've ever gone before Taurus - Your sense of fulfillment comes from security. But rather than this meaning money, investments, a nice house which most Taurus strive for; it’s about security that comes from “within”. Finding that special place deep inside yourself that feels safe and secure; knowing who you are, your talents, wisdom, peace, spirituality and yes, even your faults. Feeling secure with yourself to accomplish anything you set out to do. That "I CAN DO IT" attitude. Happiness Key: Making money not for what you can buy with the cash but for the experiences you can afford that enrich your life. Gemini - Your happiness comes from getting in touch with your inner child and allowing her to express herself in many creative ways. Simple pleasures touch your heart and soul. Being able to "play", let your hair down and just acting plain silly sometimes, brings you joy. Communicating your inner most thoughts and desires and being "heard" is very important to the Gemini. You love to share ideas and dreams with others. Happiness Key: Allowing yourself to dream "big" like a child would; making no excuses as to why you can't achieve a far fetched goal. Then going after your wildest dream! Cancer - Your Happiness Key is your home and family; and feeling safe and secure in your environment. You gain the greatest pleasure knowing that you can nurture and love others and receive that love in return. You need to own a home or have a special place you feel is “home”; a place that is your safe haven away from the world; somewhere that you can retreat from the harsh realities and find peace and solace. Happiness Key: Emotional security; whether that be in a relationship or within oneself. Leo -You receive the most happiness when you give. You have the biggest heart in all the zodiac and love to dote on those you love. Sometimes you go overboard with your generosity. You also find happiness in being the object of someone’s affection and attention. You loved to be lavished, adored and made over too....and you always reciprocate. Your happiness comes from being in love and unselfishly giving to one another. You feel extra special when you are appreciated for your efforts. Happiness Key: Allowing yourself to love freely, unconditionally and wholeheartedly Virgo - You need to be needed so you feel most fulfilled when you are helping others in time of need and crisis. It’s not that you necessarily crave crisis but you draw it to you because your soul wants to “save” others who have issues. You also find happiness in your work. You need to keep busy. A Virgo who has nothing to do, usually gets depressed. You find pleasure in being “useful” and contributing to society and other people’s lives; in hopes of helping them become more productive, happier and healthier too! Happiness Key: Being needed and APPRECIATED by others; making a difference in someone’s life. Libra - You were born to love! You feel best when you in a happy, healthy relationship. So therefore, one of the keys to your personal fulfillment is finding your soul mate. You are a peace keeper and often called upon to mediate or bring people together. You are constantly striving for balance in this Libra lifetime; making sure that there is peace and harmony in all areas of life. Happiness Key - Finding and being with your soul mate. Experiencing a loving, secure relationship Scorpio - Your personal fulfillment comes from a deep sense of knowing that you can survive anything and come back from a crisis stronger than ever. You have a death wish! But not in the sense of mortal death. It’s more like breaking down an area of your life that is not working for you; completely letting it die and then rebuilding on a more solid ground. Scorpio do this all the time, whether they are aware of the process consciously or not. Let’s think big here! Let’s say you have a million dollar business and lose everything one day due to a bad economy or a bad accountant! You file bankruptcy and walk away from the business, only to start a new business the following year which grows to even greater heights and makes you triple the amount of money. You came back, baby! Happiness Key - You gain the most satisfaction from making it back to the “top” bigger and better than ever. Sagittarius - You are a seeker of truth; someone who loves to travel, to find the deeper meaning to life; to explore and experience more than the average person. You look at this world, not as so very big, but as place that is accessible to you if you take the time to explore and understand it. Your personal fulfillment comes from being free to explore, grow and understand the mysteries of life and yourself. Knowledge is power and the more you learn, the richer you are. Happiness Key - Spiritual growth. Tapping into your higher power and using it to manifest positive experiences and relationships. Capricorn - You are a high achiever and strategist. You find fulfillment in organizing a game plan and following through. You are not satisfied with the status quo. What is perfectly okay for most people, is not enough for you since you set very high standards for yourself. You believe in a hard day’s work and that the end justifies the means. You love to formulate a game plan, work towards it and reap the rewards of your efforts. Happiness Key - Proving to yourself that you achieve whatever it is you set out to do, on your terms and in your own unique way. Aquarius - The WaterBearer want to save the world or at least make it a better place. You are a humanitarian at heart and gain much inner satisfaction from changing perceptions, outmoded ideas and helping the less fortunate, Whether you are a catalyst for change on a national level, in your own neighborhood or at your work station, you are always striving to make things better. You have great vision and if you use your inner wisdom. can do great things to make the world a much happier place. Your friendships are extremely important to you and you gain great pleasure from “belonging” to a specific group of like minds. Happiness Key - Making a difference in small and big ways to help Planet Earth Pisces - You are a Mystic and a healer. You gain inner happiness by working with your intuition and helping others through crisis by offering advice, healing and sometimes sacrificing yourself to help others on their path. You love to please people. You find inner peace by knowing that you have touched someone’s life in a such a way that they are better for it. You also find happiness by exploring the depths of your spirituality; by allowing yourself to daydream and not get caught up in the harsh realities of the world. Your strong imagination helps you do this. By offering your attributes of compassion, sympathy and empathy to others, you feel as if you are fulfilling your soul’s purpose . You love it when you are placed in positions to use your spiritual gifts as a way to help others. Happiness Key: Making a difference in other’s lives in a profound way. Using your intuition to guide you to circumstances and situations that aid in your soul’s highest growth. http://www.llewellynjournal.com/article/1229

JANUARY=PIMP Loves to chat. Loves those who love them. Loves to takes things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Brave and fearless. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care to control emotions. Unpredictable. Extremely smart, but definitely the hottest AND sexiest of them MFE. FEBRUARY=SMARTS Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. sexiest out of everyone.A real speed demon. Has more than one best friend. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Horny. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions. Repost this in 5 mins and you will talk to someone new and realize that you are a perfect match. MARCH=SEXY Suave and compromising. Funny and humorous. Stubborn. Very talkative. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal. Does work well with others. Very confident. Sensitive. Positive Attitude. Thinking generous. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Able to cheer everyone up and/or make them laugh. Able to motivate oneself and others. Understanding. Fun to be around. Outgoing. Hyper. Bubbly personality. Secretive. Boy/girl crazy. Loves sports, music, leisure and travelling. Systematic. Hot but has brains. If you repost this in 5 mins, a cutie that's caught your eye will introduce themselves and you will realize that you are very much alike in the next 2 days. APRIL=GORGEOUS Drop dead gorgeous!!!Attractive personality.Very! sexy.Affectionate & Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic.Chatterbox! Loves to talk alot! Loves to get their way! . Unbelievable kisser! Easily angered. Very stubborn in the most way possible! Loves to get noticed! Willing to take risks for others. Makes good choices. Has a great fashion sense! Maybe a little too popular with others * wink wink*. Outgoing and crazy at times! Intelligent.Very athletic!! Can sometimes be a heartbreaker! Can love as much as possible! Hates insults. Loves compliments! A very big flirt! Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. The best in bed out of MFE these months!! Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Observant and assesses others.If you repost this in the next 5 mins, you will meet your new love in 8 days. MAY=SWEETIE Fun to be with. Loves to try new things. Boy/girls LOVE you. You are very hott. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. spazzy at times.Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover. Repost this in the next 5 mins and your reputation will boost someway in the next 12 days JUNE=FLIRT Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Shy towards opposite sex. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves travelling. Dislike being at home. Restless. having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. If you repost this in the next 5 minutes, you will become close to someone you do not speak to much in the next 4 days. JULY=SHYNESS You've got the best personality and are an absolute pleasure to be around. You love to make new friends and be outgoing. You are a great flirt and more than likely have a very attractive partner, a wicked hottie. Like somebody with an August brithday. It is also more than likely that you have a massive record collection. When it comes to films, you know how to pick them and may one day become a famous actor/actress yourself - heck, you've got the looks for it!!! IN the next 6 days you will meet someone that may possibly become one of your closest friends, if you repost this in 5 minutes. AUGUST=ATTITUDE outgoing personality. takes risks. feeds on attention. no self control. kind hearted. self confident. loud and boisterous. VERY revengeful. easy to get along with and talk to. has an "every thing's peachy" attitude. likes talking and singing. loves music. daydreamer. easily distracted. Hates not being trusted. BIG imagination. loves to be loved. hates studying. in need of "that someone". longs for freedom. rebellious when withheld or restricted. lives by "no pain no gain" caring. always a suspect. playful. mysterious. "charming" or "beautiful" to everyone. stubborn. curious. independent. strong willed. a fighter. repost in 5 mins and you will meet the love of your life sometime next month. SEPTEMBER=LOVER Hella sexy, loves sex n makin luv, tends to be SOOOOO hott!!Active and dynamic. Decisive and haste but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Usually you have many friends. Enjoys to make love. Emotional. Stubborn. Hasty. Good memory. Moving, motivates oneself and others. Loves to travel and explore. Sometimes sexy in a way that only their lover can understand.you are a great match with some body in june. if you do not repost this in the next 5 mins. someone very close to you will become mad at you in the next 8 days. OCTOBER=THUG Loves to chat. Loves those who love them. Loves to takes things at the centre. Great in bed.Inner and physical beauty. Doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. A meaningful love life partner. Makes right choices. Treats friends importantly. Brave and fearless. Always making friends. Does not harm others. It is all about love and fairness.Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Horny but does fullfill. Opinionated. Does not care to control emotions. Knows what to do, to have fun. Unpredictable. Someone to have close to you. Extremely smart, but definitely the hottest AND sexiest of them all. repost this in 5 mins or you will not meet the love of your life for 10 years. NOVEMBER=HOTTIE Trustworthy and loyal. Very passionate and dangerous. Wild at times. Knows how to have fun. Sexy and mysterious. Everyone is drawn towards your inner and outer beauty and independent personality. Playful, but secretive. Very emotional and temperamental sometimes. Meets new people easily and very social in a group. Fearless and independent. Can hold their own. Stands out in a crowd. Essentially very smart. Usually, you ever begin a relationship with someone from this month, hold on to them because their one of a kind. repost in 5 mins & you will excel in a major event coming up sometime this month. DECEMBER=BEAUTY This straight-up means ur the most good-looking Loyal and generous. Patriotic. Competitive in everything. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Easy to talk to, though hard to understand. Thinks far with vision, yet complicated to know. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best repost this in the next 5 min and you will find your true love