So...this weekend my idiot self decided to get back at my lousy ex...did not work...i just proved his point...kinda. Oh, right, duh...first of all he calls me Friday morning to let me know he loves me and misses me and can't wait to see me...then six hours later (yes I said six HOURS) he calls to let me know he's back with his other girl (one of the ones he cheated on me with) and they are getting an apartment together. Not cool in the vals book....But, he gave me some hope that he's not a total dousche bag by telling me that he loves me enough not to let me waste my time on him..that I deserve more than he could ever possibly give me. He says he wants to be there..he promised he would be in the audience when I take home my first grammy. What to do? Hate him, love him, shoot someone...I'm a bit lost here...lol. My therapist thinks I should just let him go..thinks that I deserve better..(I think he has a crush on me tho..lol ;P) It's raining outside right now..I love the rain. I'm with my ex girlfriend right now..She'll never know how much I love her or how much it kills me that I can't kiss her right now (maybe she will since she's reading over my shoulder lol) but she found love..real love..love I could never give her. Maybe that's why I can't be mad at Tony (my ex), because I understand how he feels. It would be better if her fiance and I got along better...I miss him too. He was the best male friend I've ever had..I love him more than I love most...but I screwed up...don't know if I'll ever get him back in my life other than a shadow who tollerates my bitter exhistence. I hope someday he understands that nothing I did was out of selfish endeavors. That I never wanted to hurt anyone and that I will never be able to express how sorry I am. Maybe someday when bootcamp is done and his life is settled he'll understand what I suffer from. That I have no control over EID..that all I can do is try and be the friend I should've been to him and to her from the very beginning...I'm happy she's here, I wish he was, but I have a feeling I'll hear from him soon enough. After all...how can anyone stay mad at me? I'm to fuckin cute lol...wishful thinking I guess. (My ex girlfriend says to include she agrees with the above statement of my hearing from the Jer Bear soon...and that I'm too dam cute...her name is Misty by the way...she's HOTT!!!) She disagrees with that statement but she's just as crazy as me so it doesn't matter. Ahhh...I think I've got my feelings out enough for one night..if I missed anything I'll talk to my therapist tomorrow lol. Live, Laugh, Love...(and I'm never taking off my necklace or ring Jer Bear gave me again!!!!) ;D
