i still miss him, after all this time. i still love him. he broke my heart in ways i didn't realize it could be broken. still, though, i can't help but want him back. what we once had was a connection beyond anything else. he was there for me when i was going through such a hard time in my life. my only fear was losing him. we still talk here and there, and when we do, he doesn't know this, but it's so hard for me to breathe. he doesn't see the tears i still cry...or how every word he speaks means something to me. i would give the world for one day with him. i still run through my head the day he said he loved me...i was so happy i cried. i think i stayed in shock for a while after that. you may find it strange and funny when i say i feel this way for a man that i've never met. not in person. we've had phone conversations, and online chats. but from the moment we met i knew he was special. you can laugh, you can say it isn't real, i don't care what others think of it, i never did. all i know is that for a while there we had something most people spend their lives looking for. we broke up before i had a chance to go see him...which is something we had planned to do. he's still a friend, and little does he know how much he still means to me. I have gone out with others since, here in my hometown, but never could find that connection, never could find that friend, that something great. one day to just hold him, to tell him face to face that i love him, one day to be with him and my whole world would be complete. that used to be my only wish...i told him if that was all that God would grant me, is one day of life left, i'd ask to spend it with him....that would make it all worth while. it's hard being in a long distance relationship, especially with someone you have never touched or seen...but sometimes it's worth the risk. he's still a big part of me, and right now i don't see myself loving anyone else for a while. it will take so much time to get over someone like him, even tho i'm sure he's over me. wish i could turn back the hands of time and just re-live those days one more time. I miss him, so much it hurts...and i will for a while now. i'll always be thankful i had a chance to get to know a great person such as he is.
